‘You bas…’
He cut me off. ‘I’m not a bad guy, Bill, not by nature. But even when I chose to be one, there were still things I wouldn’t do.’
‘I couldn’t care less!’ I shouted, horrified. ‘Did you hurt people, Tobe? Is that what you did? Were you like those bastards that killed your dogs?’
He ignored me, kept on with a story that fought to be told.
‘One day they put me on the spot. I tried to do what they wanted, that’s how bad I’d become. But something happened, something clicked, and I couldn’t pull the trigger. So, I hauled arse in the middle of the night and went home.’ He looked at me, spread his arms wide. ‘And you know the rest.’ Despite his tears, he still managed a smile.
‘What did you do?’ I asked again.
His smile vanished, so quickly that I thought I must have imagined it.
‘Please, Bill, let it go. I’m not that man anymore.’
And then a deafening roar tore through the air, killing the lights, plunging the cellblock into darkness.
My mouth fell open in what I imagine was a perfectly round O. Struck dumb and blind, for a moment I stupidly wondered whether the darkness was actually a new symptom of the numbness that Tobe’s confession had brought forth. The lights flickered briefly and then darkness returned, convincing me otherwise.
A siren started to sound, loud enough to reach us in the cellblock. Another roar tore through the air.
‘Bill, mate, got a light?’
Of course…
‘You bastard…’ I muttered, unable to help myself.
I shook myself together and fumbled around in my pockets. I pulled out Tobe’s antique lighter then sparked it up. Tobe looked all the worse in its flickering glow—dark shadows pooled under his hollow eyes, the folds and lines of his haggard face were cut deeper than ever, old bruises on mottled skin that was pale from being locked indoors too long.
‘How about a smoke?’ he asked.
With my free hand, I reached into my pocket, pulled out his possum skin pouch, passed it over. It was almost an automatic reflex. I hated myself for it.
‘Cheers.’
‘Tobe?’
‘Hang on a sec, first things first.’
I decided to allow him that, letting him finish rolling some bush tobacco. I held the lighter out, watched him hold the smoke to the flame. I felt a certain satisfaction as he proceeded to cough his guts up.
‘Ugh,’ he groaned, doubled over. ‘I forgot how long it’s been.’
I couldn’t help laughing.
‘Yeah, very funny, thanks a lot.’
I laughed again. Tobe pulled himself together, bent back up, ground his bush tobacco out, tucked the dead nub behind his ear. He looked me in the eye and smiled an easy smile.
It was almost like old times.
‘How about my keys?’ he asked, spoiling the moment. ‘Did you bring them too?’
My gears might grind slowly—sometimes too slowly—but they grind on all the same. Things were starting to make sense: the bits and bobs that he had left me; running into Jacko so quickly, so easily; the deafening roar happening at the same time as we were finally allowed to visit.
The ‘how’ might not have been clear, but the ‘why’ was slowly taking shape.
‘You did this?’ I screamed, waving at the gloom. ‘You’ve been planning this the whole time?’
He didn’t answer me.
‘How?’
Without speaking, he broke my gaze. I turned my back on him, not knowing what I was going to do, only that I couldn’t bear to look at him.
‘Bill!’
Anger and hate flooded through me yet again—I had followed him, as mates do, only to be played the fool. But that’s me, a dickhead to the last.
‘Bill, please.’
I didn’t answer, didn’t turn around.
‘Mate, I know what this looks like. But you have to believe me, I am sorry. That’s why this is happening. I know I can’t make things right, but at least consider it an attempt.’
‘Bullshit.’
The words hung in the air for a moment.
‘Fine, then, enjoy your stay,’ he said. ‘If you hadn’t realised it, I’m not the only one locked in here.’
I thought about it for a moment. Despite everything that had happened, I couldn’t help smiling at the fact that he was still a step ahead of me.
‘You win.’
I carefully sat Tobe’s lighter on the desk, turned back to him, pulled his jangle of keys from my pocket.
‘Good one,’ he said. ‘Let’s have a look.’
I passed the keys through the bars. Tobe thumbed through them, picked out a rusty one that seemed the same as all the others, passed them back. I kept my face blank. I was done with the cellblock; I wanted to get outside so that I could be done with Tobe as well.
I inserted the key into the lock. I was barely surprised when the door sprang open.
‘Wait for my next trick,’ Tobe said. He pushed past me, started rifling through the desk. ‘Aha,’ he said, pulling something from one of the drawers. ‘You beauty.’
He flicked on a torch. I scooped the lighter up, snapped it shut, slipped it in my pocket, another automatic reflex.
‘Here you go,’ he said, passing me a second torch.
I passed him the keys in return, glad to be rid of them, and he hurried to the door. I brought my own torch to life, deciding to let him lead the way. Until we were free of the courthouse, it couldn’t hurt to have a human shield. The thought, bitter as it was, made me feel a little better.
‘Got you,’ Tobe said, finding the right key. He threw the door open, revealing the rough-brick stairwell and the rusty flight of stairs.
‘How?’ I asked again.
‘I worked here, remember? And you know me, always thinking ahead.’
It was such a pitiful explanation. I deserved more, but I knew not to get my hopes up. Everything had changed and I would just have to deal with it.
And so I watched as Tobe thundered up the stairs. I hurried after him, doing my best to keep him in sight, following him into the long corridor that led to the lobby. Like the stairwell and the cellblock, it was dark.
The acrid tang of smoke tainted the air.
‘Come on, Bill,’ Tobe shouted. ‘Or you’ll miss all the fun.’
He was nothing but a bobbing dot of light at the end of the corridor. I picked up my pace, not to please him but because I wanted to get outside as soon as I could, before some Creep stumbled upon me. The lobby grew ever closer; I rushed through the open door.
I came to an immediate halt—my torch was a pitiful thing that barely dented the gloom; there was no sign of Tobe; I was completely exposed; standing out like the proverbial.
And then I was suddenly blinded.
‘Good, it’s you.’
Tobe stopped shining his torch in my face. He stood on the other side of the cluttered room, in front of the doors that led outside. He flicked his torch off and slipped it in his pocket, taking hold of the doorknob.
He looked at me. He smiled wickedly.
‘Come on, Bill, what are you waiting for? Bloody Christmas?’
And then he disappeared through the door.
TWENTY-TWO
I followed Tobe into a newborn hell on earth—twilight had fallen while we had been in the cell block, its eerie pink and purple glow playing second fiddle to immense tongues of flame that leaped into the air. The full moon on the horizon was a dull smudge, struggling to cut through the billowing clouds of smoke. The street in front of me—the wide boulevard that cut the camp in half—was completely empty. A shot rang out. Without thinking, I ducked behind one of the towering stone columns that helped give the courthouse its bygone air. More gunfire rang out: the harsh crack of a rifle, the rat-a-tat-tat of some kind of machine gun, the thunderclap of a shotgun.