He turned out the light when he finished reading, and said nothing at all to Mary Stuart. She was lying on her side, with her eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, wondering if he would ever become human again, if he would ever reach out to her, if anyone would ever care about her, or touch her, or tell her they loved her, or if that was all in the past now. At forty-four, in more ways than one, her life was not only shrinking, it was over.
Chapter 4
Mary Stuart diligently stayed home to watch Tanya on television the next day, and wanted to leap out of her seat and smash the screen when the interviewer segued from a question about Tanya's childhood in a small town in Texas right to one about the recent rumor linking her to a trainer, and then a snide reference to the lawsuit she'd just been slapped with for sexually harassing an employee. But in spite of Mary Stuart's fury, Tanya handled it gracefully and seemingly with ease and a friendly smile, as she brushed it off as blackmail, and typical fare for the tabloids. But when she came off the set, her arms were glued to her sides, and she felt as though she'd spilled a glass of water under each armpit, not to mention the beginnings of a massive headache.
“So much for daytime TV,” she said to the publicity woman who had accompanied her to the set, and escorted her to her next stop, the appointment with the literary agent about doing a book about her life. But in the end the meeting held little appeal for her. All they wanted was sensationalism, not substance. She was sick of all of them by the time she called Jean that afternoon, and found out that she was once again all over the L.A. papers, and there was something in the tabloids about her husband spending a weekend in Palm Springs with an unidentified starlet.
“Was that harlot?” she asked pointedly, and Jean laughed. It was not a pretty story. Jean read the L.A. piece about the lawsuit to her, and Tanya had to fight back tears as she listened. The ex-bodyguard was claiming that she had taunted him repeatedly by strolling around the house naked when they were alone, which would have made her laugh, if she hadn't been so distressed by the story. “I wish I could remember the last time I was alone in that house,” Tanya said, feeling depressed. She could just imagine Tony's reaction. But she declined Jean's offer to read the tabloid story about him to her. She went out and bought it herself after she hung up, and it was a beauty. There was a photograph of him trying to hide from a photographer, and a picture of a young actress Tanya knew, who couldn't have been a day over twenty. But it was also impossible to tell if the photograph had been computerized, and the paper just made it look as though they were together. These days you could never be sure about pictures. But she didn't like it anyway, and although at first she resisted, she eventually called him at the office. She caught him just as he was leaving.
“I gather my name's been up in lights again today,” she said, trying to inject a little humor into a dismal situation.
“You could say that. Your friend Leo seems to have a lot to say about you. Have you read it?” he said, sounding really furious and barely able to conceal it from her.
“Jean read it to me. It's all bullshit though. I hope you know that.” She sounded very calm, and very much in control, and very Southern.
“I'm not sure what I know anymore, Tan.”
“What they wrote about me is no worse than the tabloid story on you and the girl you supposedly took to Palm Springs. They even printed a picture of you,” she said, trying to tease him. “And that's not true either. So what's the big deal here?”
There was a long pause, and then he spoke very slowly. “As a matter of fact, it is true. I was going to tell you about it, but I didn't get a chance before you left.” She felt as though he had hit her with a club. He had cheated on her, it was in the tabloids and he was admitting it to her. For a long moment, she was silent. She didn't know what to say.
“That's quite a story. What do you expect me to say now?”
“You have a right to be real pissed off, Tan. I wouldn't blame you at all. I think someone tipped them off. I have no idea how they turned up at the hotel. I figured it would hit the papers.”
“You're a little too old to be that naive, you know that? You've been around Hollywood long enough to know how it works. Who do you think called them? She did. This is a big coup for her, walking off with Tanya Thomas's husband. Big time, Tony. How could she pass up an opportunity like that?” It was a nasty thing to say, but it was probably true, and he knew it. It hadn't even occurred to him when it happened. And at his end of the phone, there was a long, long silence. “You're a celebrity now, Mr. Goldman. How do you like it?”
“There's not much I can say, Tan.”
“No, there isn't. You could have at least been discreet, or taken someone who wouldn't sell out your ass and mine to the tabloids.”
“I don't want to play this game with you, Tanya,” he said, sounding embarrassed and angry. “I'm moving out tomorrow.” There was another long silence, while she nodded and fought back tears.
“Yeah, I figured that,” she said hoarsely.
“I can't live like this anymore, being a constant target for the tabloids.”
“I don't like it either,” she said sadly. “The only difference is you have a choice, I don't.”
“I'm sorry for you then,” but he didn't sound it. He had turned mean suddenly. He'd gotten caught with his pants down, and he didn't like it. He didn't like playing second fiddle to her, he didn't like being sold out and betrayed and made a fool of. He didn't like any of it, and he couldn't wait to get out of her house and her life, and the spotlight he had been forced into while he was married to her. At first he had wanted it, but when they'd turned the heat up too high, he found he didn't like it.
“I'm sorry, Tan… I didn't want to do it over the phone. I was going to tell you tomorrow when you got home.” She nodded, as the tears rolled down her cheeks, and he inquired if she was still there, and she finally answered.
“Yeah, I'm here,” more or less, what was left of her. It was all so damn hard, and so unbearably lonely. She had been through so much for so long, been so used and so exploited and treated so unkindly. She had been robbed blind by the manager she'd married, and now Tony didn't have the balls to stick it out after three years, and he was running off to Palm Springs to fuck starlets. Just what did he think the tabloids would do with that? How could he have been so careless and so stupid?