A Story I Heard Somewhere
There was once a girl who loved dancing and she wore red shoes. Everybody who knew her thought, That girl will keep dancing until the day she dies, and who knows, maybe the girl thought the same thing herself.
One night, when the whole world was fast asleep, she began dancing. She went:
A twirl and a whirl and a leaping curl,
A-skippetty-skippetty skip-skip-skip,
A-tappetty-tappetty tap-tap-tap,
A-tra-lah-di-dah and a tim tam tom.
The girl was in a state of sheer bliss. How sublime it is to dance!A whole week went by in this manner. Then she thought, I wonder how much longer I can keep this up?By this point she was almost dead on her feet, but all she wished for was to keep on dancing, dancing, dancing.
Then, on the eighth day, this handsome young man appeared. He said to her, “Would you care to dance with me?” With that, the girl stopped dancing. She said, “Thanks, but no. I’ve just discovered something more precious than dancing.” Then, in a small house, they lived happily ever after.
Q42 Why do you memorize train timetables and calendars?
Because it’s fun! We get a real kick out of numbers, us people with autism. Numbers are fixed, unchanging things. The number 1, for example, is only ever, ever the number 1. That simplicity, that clearness, it’s so comforting to us.
Whoever reads any given timetable or calendar, it’s always, always the same. You can easily understand all of them by following the same set of rules. And when it comes to our favorite things, we can memorize these as easily as if they were jumping straight into our heads. Invisible things like human relationships and ambiguous expressions, however, these are difficult for us people with autism to get our heads around.
Perhaps you’re thinking that it’s no major effort for me to write these sentences, but that wouldn’t be true at all. Always lurking at the back of my mind is an anxiety about whether or not I’m perceiving things in the same way that people without autism do. So, via TV, books and just tuning in to the people around me, I’m constantly learning about how ordinary people are supposed to feel in given situations. And whenever I learn something new, I write a short story dealing with the situation in question. This way, with luck, it won’t slip my mind.
Q43 Do you dislike reading and picking apart long sentences?
No, I don’t dislike longer sentences. Whatever else is going on, I’m always hungry to learn about lots of different things. It really gets me down that people just don’t understand how hungry for knowledge people with autism actually are. The problem isn’t that I dislike longer sentences. The problem is that my patience wears out so quickly. I get tired so soon and lose all track of what the sentence was about. I can read simple picture books without much trouble, so when I’m alone, I tend to choose one of these. They are easy to follow and stimulate my imagination, and I never get bored with them.
I want to grow up learning a million things! There must be countless other people with autism who have the same desire, the same attitude. But our problem is, we aren’t capable of studying all by ourselves. To be able to study like other people, we need more time and different strategies and approaches. And those people who help us study, they actually need more patience than we do. They need to understand our eagerness to learn, even though from the outside we may not appear to be keen students. But we are. We, too, want to grow.
Q44 What do you think about running races?
I don’t hate races, but the instant I’m conscious of the need to run fast, I find that I can’t. If I’m just running for fun with my friends, I find I can run as long as I want to—it’s as if I’m making friends with the wind. Sometimes people say that I’m very good at running away, but really it’s just that when someone’s chasing me, I find it both funny and frightening when the chaser is catching up to me. This prompts me to put on a spurt of speed, and I’m off.
The reason I can’t run well once I’m aware of needing to isn’t to do with nerves. My problem is that as soon as I try to run fast, I start thinking about how I ought to be moving my arms and legs, and then my whole body freezes up. And another reason I don’t do well in races is that I don’t really get any pleasure out of beating other people. I agree that it’s right and proper to do the best you can in a race, but this desire to beat everyone else is another matter altogether. So on competitive occasions like school sports days, the pleasure I get just by being there takes over, and I’ll end up running the race with all the urgency of someone skipping his way across a meadow.
Q45 Why do you enjoy going out for walks so much?
My guess is that lots of people with autism like walking, and I wonder if you can work out why. “Because walking makes you feel good?” “Because it’s great being out in the open air?” Both these replies are true, of course, but for me the number one reason is that us people with autism love the greenness of nature. Now you might be thinking, “Oh, is that all?” However, our fondness for nature is, I think, a little bit different from everyone else’s. I’m guessing that what touches you in nature is the beauty of the trees and the flowers and things. But to us people with special needs, nature is as important as our own lives. The reason is that when we look at nature, we receive a sort of permission to be alive in this world, and our entire bodies get recharged. However often we’re ignored and pushed away by other people, nature will always give us a good big hug, here inside our hearts.
The greenness of nature is the lives of plants and trees. Green is life. And that’s the reason we love to go out for walks.
Q46 Do you enjoy your free time?
So what do youdo in your free time? Because for people with autism, free time is in fact un-free time. “You can do whatever you feel like doing now,” someone might tell us. But actually, it’s pretty hard for us to find something we do feel like doing, not just like that. If we happen to see some toys or books we’re always playing with or reading, then sure, we’ll pick them up. Thing is, however, that’s not so much what we wantto do as something we cando. Playing with familiar items is comforting because we already know what to do with them, so then, of course, people watching us assume, Aha, so that’s what he likes to do in his free time … What I really want to do, however, is to get stuck in some difficult book or to debate some issue or other.
We are misunderstood, and we’d give anything if only we could be understood properly. People with autism would be suffering breakdowns over this—all the time—if we weren’t holding ourselves in so tightly. Please, understand what we really are, and what we’re going through.
Q47 Would you give us an example of something people with autism really enjoy?