For a while, Shun stayed where he was. This Heaven sure is different than how I used to imagine Heaven would be. I used to think that Heaven was full of wonderful things to eat and fun things to do all day, with nothing to make you suffer or give you a hard time. Shun shouted out loud: “Hey! What’s going on here? Just take me back home, right now!” No sooner had he said this than Shun felt himself hurtling away at a velocity he had never before experienced.
Now where am I? Wait, yes, this is my house. “Mom?” Shun rushed from room to room, looking for his mom. He found her in the Japanese-style room, next to the living room. Shun’s heart was pounding. “Mom?” He called her from behind, softly.
She did not turn around for him.
I’m well and truly dead now, aren’t I?
Shun’s final hope was completely dashed. Downcast, he went around to stand in front of his mom so he could at least take a proper look at her face. She looked so sad and crushed in her black clothes. In his mind, Shun apologized to her. Mom, I’m so, so sorry I died …
Between Shun and his mom a subtle breeze flowed. Her hand touched his body, the same body she apparently couldn’t see because it wasn’t there. And Shun felt the same warmth he used to feel back when he was very small, when his mom gave him a cuddle.
Shun’s dad came in from the living room. “Hi. What are you doing?”
“Somehow,” replied Shun’s mom, “I feel Shun’s in here.”
“Shun’s always with us. Always.”
Shun wasn’t sure quite what to think of this. I’m dead and gone, but my feelings are the same as they ever were. I want to help Mom and Dad, but there’s nothing I can do. Shun shut his eyes, and in the same instant he was flying away at an astonishing speed.
Shun was back in the place called Heaven. Space was really quiet. All alone, Shun drifted away in his thoughts. He didn’t know what to think about himself anymore. He had never imagined that after he died he would be so utterly alone. I wish there was somebody here I could talk to. Then he heard something. What’s that sound?Shun listened, intently. It was a boy’s voice. Shun called, “Is there anybody out there?”
“You must be the new one, right? Hi. I’m Kazuo.”
Shun was delighted. “Brilliant! I thought there was nobody but me.”
“You can’t make us out yet, but there are as many people around here as there are stars,” said Kazuo. “If you wish it, you’ll be able to talk to us—any of us—whenever you want. This world is beyond time, outside of space. Here is perfect freedom. I’ve been living here in Heaven for eighty years, y’know.”
“I don’t know what to do here,” said Shun. “You say we have perfect freedom, but actually … there’s nothing here.”
Kazuo just laughed. “You ought to do the things you couldn’t do when you were still alive.” With that, Kazuo slipped away somewhere.
So I ought to do the things I can only do now that I’m dead … At that point, numberless lights wrapped around Shun, comforting him like a shimmering blanket. It was like being rocked in a cradle, and at long last, all the tension Shun had felt up to that point began to ebb away. For the first time in many days, Shun fell asleep.
Shun was getting used to life in Heaven now, and he had made a lot of friends, as Kazuo had said. Everyone was kind, and there were no barriers of language, ethnicity or era. People lived so peacefully here that it was difficult to believe how much they had fought and quarrelled when they were alive. Shun had never dreamed that owning nothing could be so blissful. He had also, by now, done many of the things that he couldn’t during his lifetime. He’d visited every corner of the Earth. He’d spoken with many people in Heaven. Everything was fresh and exciting.
Sometimes Shun visited his parents’ home too. It was sad that he couldn’t speak with them directly, but it made him happy just to see their faces and listen to them talk about him. This was enough for Shun to stay brave and go on.
It was on a day like this when Shun was visiting his home that his mom looked strange. She was miserable, and didn’t seem to be eating. Staring at the photograph of her son, tears were in her eyes. “Shun, I don’t think I can go on living like this, without you here. I want to be where you are.” Saying this, she collapsed on the table, facedown and weeping.
Shaken, Shun too started to cry. But I thought she was getting over my death. I thought it was all going to be okay. “Don’t cry, Mom. Mom, please. Don’t.” Ever so gently, Shun hugged her shoulders. I’m invisible, she doesn’t know I’m here. Shun’s mom kept crying until it got dark, and he stayed by her side.
On his return to Heaven, Shun thought about his parents every single day. I was sure that at some point things would return to normal for Mom and Dad. But it looks as if their grief will last for the rest of their lives. And although I can bewith them, there’s nothing I can do tohelp them. Shun was sinking into despair. Well, there’s nothing else for it. It’s time I asked God for help. Shun called out in a loud voice: “God? I’ve got a favor to ask!”
Shimmering out of the mist, God materialized. “I believe you called.”
“My parents are still mourning my death, but there’s nothing I can do for them, and it’s just … unbearable.”
God nodded as he listened. “Well, I do understand how you must be feeling. Thing is, that’s life, isn’t it? But your mom and dad will be able to see you again here, when their own numbers are up.”
Shun understood God’s words, but he still didn’t feel any better. “It’s too much for my parents to bear, though. And it’s impossible for me to live happily here in Heaven, knowing the pain that my parents are going through!” Shun found he was almost shouting.
“Mmm … it is a tricky one. Nowhere’s as pleasant as Heaven …” God was deep in thought. “Well, I’m not saying there isn’ta way to help your parents.” He then told Shun something quite unexpected. “Namely, being born to your parents as their child once again.”
Hearing this, Shun’s heart leapt with joy. “Really? Can you honestly do that?” His voice was ragged with excitement and his heart beat faster. If this can really happen, I’ll go back to them right now.
But, as if reading Shun’s mind, God quickly went on: “There is, however, one small catch.” God looked Shun straight in the eye. “Once you are born, you won’t be Shun any longer. All your memories of Shun, of beingShun, will cease to exist.”
So there won’t be any Me anymore. Shun’s hopes withered. My existence will be wiped out, forever. Now Shun understood a bit better why Kazuo and his other friends were staying on so long in Heaven. So what do I do?Shun wavered. If I’m not going to be myself anymore, what’s the point of being reborn?
From Heaven, Shun stared down at the blue Earth.
A whole month had passed, but Shun still hadn’t made up his mind. He hadn’t gone back home, not even once. Life in Heaven suited Shun well, and the thought that he would be seeing his parents here someday gave him a degree of comfort. Time will sort out everything, Shun had started to believe.