The days and nights of final rehearsals sped by, and soon I found myself collecting Holly and Nick from the airport. They’d flown in for my big night, and it felt wonderful to have them with me again. I focused on them and just tried not to think about what Jack might be up to right now. But I did wonder if he remembered when my show was to open.
On the way into the city, we sat in the back of the town car, staring like complete tourists as the driver took us down Broadway. Although Nick had been a screenwriter for years and Holly by now was a grizzled old Hollywood veteran, they were just as taken aback by the lights and the built-in energy of the Great White Way as I was—each and every time I passed by Forty-Second Street. As the three of us stared at passing marquees outside the landmark theaters, we were mesmerized.
“Can you believe I’m here, Holls? Actually here?” I breathed, squeezing her hand.
She looked at me, no doubt ready with one of her patented remarks, but she simply smiled and squeezed my hand back.
“Yes, I can totally believe it.” She grinned, and we shared a moment in the back of the car. A moment that was somewhat dimmed by the half-naked guitar player on the street corner, but a moment nonetheless.
Between rehearsals I spent the next few days showing them my favorite haunts around the city, and in a flash it was opening night. That evening, in a tizzy of nerves and panic, my stomach once again reminded me who was in charge, and I vomited my lunch all over the floor of my dressing room. Michael, being a trooper and anticipating my stage fright (perhaps also fearing for his shoes), had a mop standing by.
Just before the music began, Michael found me. He was as nervous as I was, and we clung to each other for a moment before he headed out to watch from the house.
“Grace, you’ll be amazing. I know it. I’m so glad you’re in this show,” he whispered. “Knock ‘em dead.” He kissed me on the cheek and went out to pace.
I gathered myself, centered myself, and when I heard my cue, I walked onstage. And I was home once more.
I saw the lights and the set and the other actors, but I floated about three feet above the floor all night. I let myself go, gave myself over completely to the character, and just…was. I gave it everything: my excitement over my move back to Los Angeles, the thrill of being a part of this industry again, the pain from my recent breakup with Jack, the confusion of my almost-something with Michael—all of it. Everything about this exact second of my life and all the experiences that had brought me here came out onto that stage with me and helped me create a performance I could do again and again and never grow tired of. I’d never stop finding something new. I felt alive, exhilarated, and scared to death, and I loved every second of it.
I felt the audience and the energy they gave me. They laughed when Mabel laughed, cried when Mabel cried, and we went through it together. That’s the thing about live theater. It’s different every night, and when you’re truly there and truly present, it’s magic. Pure and simple.
When the curtain came down and the cast assembled for bows, I let myself feel it, finally. I’d made it to where I’d wanted to be since I was seven singing along to My Fair Lady in front of the mirror, a Ken doll as my scene partner. Since I’d auditioned for my first play at eleven, singing “Memories” like every other damn kid in the country. Since I’d won my first leading role when I was fourteen and played Maria in The Sound of Music (ah, junior high). Since I’d seen Rent and bawled my eyes out at the thought this was no longer within my grasp.
And to have come full circle—to stand in the spotlight, hear the applause, and know the people I loved were onstage with me and in the audience, and that I was making a living doing something I would gladly do for free?
I lost it. I cried and laughed simultaneously as Leslie pushed me out front for my own curtain call. That’s when I saw him. Standing next to Holly and Nick, with a smile as big as I’d ever seen, was my Brit. He clapped harder than anyone else in the audience with a look of such pride—but all three of them probably had bruised hands from the way they carried on.
And if I’m being honest? I fucking killed it!
I was five different kinds of thrilled. He came! He came for me on my big night. My tears flowed as I smiled big.
***
After the curtain call, I paced nervously in my dressing room. The cast was in and out, offering congratulations. Michael was on cloud nine, and the early feedback from investors in the audience was good. I knew Holly and Nick would be coming backstage, but would Jack be with them? I mean, surely he wouldn’t fly all the way out here and then not come see me. Would he?
I continued to eat Tums like they were going out of style, and I heard a soft knock on my door.
“Yeah?” I said through a mouthful of chalky grit and opened the door.
“These are for you, Grace.” One of the stagehands handed me the biggest bunch of peonies I’d ever seen. Where anyone found peonies in December was beyond me, but there they were. As I peered through the blooms, I found a snack pack of Chex Mix buried inside, with a Post-it note attached. I laughed out loud as I read the “card.”
Congratulations, Gracie.
This celebratory Chex Mix
should help settle your tummy.
If you like, save the Melba toasts
and bring them to me tomorrow at lunch???
Jack
P.S. You were radiant.
I looked out into the hallway to see if he was there, but all I saw was a flash of Holly as she, followed closely by Nick, barreled into me.
“Oh, girl, you were fierce!” Nick cried, taking the opportunity to look down my robe and nod approvingly at my boobies.
“Thanks, Nick. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Holly! Hey, Holly?” I tried to dislodge my best friend from her death grip on me.
Finally she released me and attempted clear her throat. “You were great, ya little fruitcake,” she said, her voice gruff and thick.
“Thanks, dear. Wait a minute. Are you crying? Holly, no…” I gasped as she raised her eyes to me.
“Oh, shut up, asshead. You were amazing, okay? I’m allowed to cry once every ten years. Now piss off,” she warned, smacking me lightly on the cheek. She saw me looking over her shoulder toward the hallway, and she smacked me a little harder.
“He went back to his hotel, if that’s who you’re looking for.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me he was coming!” I yelled before sinking into my chair and beginning to remove my makeup. Nick quickly started brushing out my hair, not wanting to miss a word of what was going on. It was amazing how quickly things fell back to normal with us.
“I didn’t know until the last minute. He asked me last week when your opening was, and then the next thing I knew he had a ticket waiting at Will Call next to mine tonight. Go figure,” she said, tossing her hair and looking away too quickly.
“Hmm,” I said, eyeing my face in the mirror. Nick was chuckling behind me.
“And what, may I ask, is so funny, mister?”
“Holly was talking about your opening.” He giggled, and I rolled my eyes.
“So, he mentioned something about lunch?” I added, looking at her sideways to see if she would dish the dirt.
“Yes, I’ve been instructed to provide you the details of where Mr. Hamilton will be dining tomorrow, precisely at noon, if you should be so inclined,” she answered, her eyes dancing.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I would finally be able to talk to my George and ask him if I could be his Gracie again. I’d have to come clean about some things, a lot of things, but it was time. Feeling immensely relieved—and thrilled to have Holly and Nick at my side—I set off for a celebratory dinner with the cast. My two-drink rule was back in full enforcement, and I went to bed that night feeling proud, confident my eyes would be cabbage-free in the morning, and a teeny bit hopeful.