Seth remained quiet, trying to absorb this new information.
Kaden eventually spoke again. “If you’re going to back out on us, I need to know. Right now. As in right now. Because I have to make plans for her. Can I count on you?”
“You said honesty was the most important thing. What else haven’t you told me?”
“That’s it. I’m sorry. I was trying not to dump everything on you at once. It was shitty enough circumstances to begin with.”
Seth leaned against the counter and closed his eyes.
kaden’sdying
There had been times, stretches of hours, where he didn’t hear that mental heartbeat. Could almost kid himself that it wouldn’t happen.
Kaden’s voice dropped to nearly a whisper. “I need you, Seth. She needs you. You can doubt yourself all you want, but I know you. I know you would rather die than let her down.”
“I still can’t get over you wanting to share her.”
“She’s not your average woman. You and I are it for her. Imagine how hard it was on her all those years watching you with those women. It killed her. I wasn’t kidding when I said there were nights I had to gag her to shut her up. Not just that, give her sessions in the playroom to take her mind off of things. Lots of distraction. She hated your wives. I told her she couldn’t dump her feelings on you, because while I could understand why she felt that way, I knew it would freak you out.”
“Such an understatement, you have no clue.”
“The right woman, Seth. We’re not the only people in the world who live in a poly triad. At least, for a little while, we can make her happy, make her dream come true.” He looked sad again. “Not as many years as I had hoped.”
“I can’t share her with someone else, dude. I mean, yeah, you. Okay. She’s your wife. What if she falls in love with someone else in the future? I can’t do that.”
“She would never make you do that. In nearly twenty years, she’s never expressed an interest in anyone else but you. Ever. She would have sat back until the day she died and never told you how she felt if I’d had a problem with it. She didn’t want to admit it to me, but I saw her. I saw how she tried to take care of you. I’ve never seen her react to someone the way she reacts to you. She’s always been naturally submissive to you. I’ve seen her take on old farts on the boards at some of those nonprofits, and she’s a fucking ballbuster. She normally doesn’t take shit from people. You know that. She trusts you. She’s always trusted you.”
Despite his new flurry of conflicting emotions, Seth had to admit he’d always felt a connection with Leah. Something he’d never had with his ex-wives or girlfriends.
Something he’d always wished he had.
“Admit it,” Kaden whispered. “You’ve always loved her, too.”
Seth studied the Italian tile floor. He remembered the day he went with Leah to help her pick it out, how she’d deferred to him, asked him the pros and cons of this versus different ones.
How she’d trusted him.
His eyes lifted to the cabinets. The day she picked out the style and finish, Kaden had sat in the showroom, a subtle smile on his face, while Leah asked Seth for his opinions.
The house was full of memories of helping Leah make decisions about it. Kaden had never, not once, spoken his opinion. He’d told Seth that whatever Leah wanted, Leah got.
At the time, Seth assumed it was simply the words of a loving husband with a pretty fat bank account.
Now he saw it in a new light, illuminated from a different point of view.
Leah calling him, sometimes fifteen or twenty times a day while the house was being built, asking for his opinion on something. When he asked Kaden about it, nervous it might be construed the wrong way, Kaden shrugged. “If it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother you. If she’s bugging you, tell her. She’ll try not to.”
No, it hadn’t bugged him, although it pissed his ex off every time she saw Leah’s number show up on his phone.
In fact, he wouldn’t deny he’d dragged his feet on a few things, trying to prolong the experience.
He’d really missed talking to Leah when the house was done.
Leah asking him, almost a hopeful look in her eye, if he liked something she’d picked.
Not Kaden.
Him.
The paint and carpet and furniture. The landscaping.
Taking him with them when she shopped for mattresses for the guest rooms, making him lie down and try them all out, picking the one he’d liked the best…
Fuck.
He met Kaden’s eyes again. His friend watched him from across the kitchen. “Can I count on you?” he quietly asked again.
Seth nodded. “I won’t let her down. Or you.”
Kaden nodded, sighing. “I know you’re weirded out and don’t want to discuss details. I understand that. Just know that whenever you’re ready…” He smiled. “We’ve got a big fucking bed, dude.”
Seth laughed and closed his eyes. “I’m sooo not ready to have this conversation, Kade.”
“She’s going to be upset she didn’t get to wake you up this morning.” Seth didn’t miss the playful gleam in his friend’s eye.
Seth patted his stomach. He’d managed to lose ten pounds over the past several weeks despite Leah’s great and plentiful cooking. “Yeah, well, I need to go jogging. I’ve got to get in shape. If I’m going to do this, I need to get my ass in gear and get my body back in condition. I look like a fucking slob compared to you.”
Kaden laughed and left the kitchen. Seth decided to forgo the coffee until after his run, sure that Leah, once released by Kaden, would come looking for him and he might not get out of the house once she got her hands on him.
Literally.
While muggy, the morning hadn’t turned obnoxiously hot yet. Seth set a fast pace, pushing himself, trying to remember his Army PT crap that he’d spent too many months and years trying to forget. He needed to get into shape. That wasn’t bullshit on his part.
He needed to get in shape because he promised Kade he’d help. Leah needed him.
And as much as he despised exercise, he would do it for them.
For Leah.
Sure enough, a few minutes after Seth returned from his run and stepped into the shower, Leah tapped on his bathroom door.
“Yeah?”
She stepped in and closed the door behind her. She was naked, except for the collar. When she opened the shower door he didn’t stop her.
“Want me to scrub your back?”
“That’s not the part of me you want to scrub, and you damn well know it.”
She smiled. “I never said I didn’t want to scrub other parts of you too.”
He motioned her inside. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his.
Damn, she felt good.
She slid her hands down his abs and found his cock. Just the sight of her stepping into the shower had made him hard again. As Seth rested his forehead against the shower wall, Leah worked her fingers up and down his shaft and around his balls. Not just her hands but the feel of her arms around him, her body pressed against his…
It would be easy to turn around and pin her against the wall and fuck her silly. He bet she was wanting him to do just that, probably wet and ready to go for him.
Fuck.
He pressed his palms flat against the cool tile and closed his eyes. She felt damn good. The only thing stopping him was a realization he’d had on his jog. Maybe Kaden could feel compersion or whatever the fuck it was called. Maybe Kade was a bigger man than him, able to share his wife.