He sensed more than heard the shower door open. He felt a brief draft of cool air as Leah stepped inside with him.
Then her hesitant touch, her arms sliding around his waist from behind.
Seth turned and enveloped her in his arms, pressing his lips to the top of her head. He stood with her like that for several long moments, neither of them speaking.
Kaden’s words reverberated in his brain. It was for her, to make her happy.
He wanted to make her happy.
He looked into her face and kissed her forehead. Then he gently pushed her away and gave her the signal.
She dropped to her knees and eagerly swallowed his cock. He cupped the back of her head with one hand and braced himself against the shower wall with the other as she worked him over with her mouth and hands. When he came she grabbed his ass and held his hips tight against her face until she knew she’d sucked every last drop from him. She finally released him and rested her face against his abs.
Seth sank to his knees and held her again, hiding his quiet tears from her by keeping his face buried in her hair.
Sensing something was wrong, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and held him.
He hated that he was so fucking weak, to lose it like this, especially in front of her. How was he going to be strong enough for her when she really needed him?
After?
“It’s okay, Seth,” she whispered, changing position so she could hold him. She pressed his face against her chest and stroked his hair.
He hated himself but didn’t move. “Forty goddamned years,” he whispered. “Since we were fucking babies.”
“I know.”
Who was he kidding? Kaden wasn’t his oldest friend—he was his only true friend. His best friend. He had acquaintances and drinking buddies and guys he kept in touch with that he’d served with in Iraq and Germany. He had professional associates from when he was a contractor.
Then he had Kaden.
Okay, that wasn’t true. He had Kaden and Leah. When he came home from overseas and met her, it was like she completed their friendship. He’d never felt like the odd man out with them.
He talked to Kaden not every day but several times a week at least, before all this happened. Whether he called Kade or Kade called him, just to chat.
Or to ask his advice on something.
To share good news.
To commiserate about the bad.
Or just to say hi.
He usually ate at their house at least one night a week, sometimes more. If he was in the neighborhood he could stop by, and if Leah was home they sat and chatted or she insisted on making him lunch if he hadn’t eaten. He and Kade always had their night out alone every week.
His friend.
And he was dying.
She gently rocked him, stroked his hair. “You have to let it out,” she whispered. “You can’t hold it in. It’ll eat you alive from the inside out. It’s okay. I want you to lean on me right now. I know you two are trying to make this as easy on me as you can, but right now, I’m strong enough to be there for you. Let me do this for you while I can. I won’t always be able to.”
He sobbed. He didn’t know if he cried five minutes or an hour, but she wrapped her arms around him, murmured soothing words to him, held him tightly against her. He wanted to curl up and die.
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdyingkaden’sdying
Every step he took toward fulfilling her dream made his nightmare that much more real.
When one of the redneck assholes in their junior class tried to jump Seth at a football game one night, Kaden helped nail the fucker. Kaden always watched Seth’s back.
Kaden helped him study for finals, helped tutor him in his weaker subjects.
Kaden never teased him in a mean way. Seth could always confide in him when he had a problem, and he knew if Kaden didn’t have any advice to offer that at least he would quietly listen and provide an ear.
A safe harbor.
When Seth’s own parents died, when fucking bitch wife number two was less than comforting after she found out there wasn’t any money to inherit, it was Kaden who stepped in and quietly took over making the arrangements, making sure everything was taken care of, gently guiding Seth through the process with Leah always there to listen and help.
He finally pulled himself together. “I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely, unable to look her in the eyes.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I’m supposed to be strong for you and I’m fucking bawling like a goddamned baby.”
She gently grabbed his face and made him look at her. “I would be very upset if you didn’t cry. If you didn’t show any emotion, it would worry me.”
“Why?”
“Because I know how close you are, and let’s face it, you’ve loved him longer than I have. I’m his wife, yeah. But you’re his friend. You’re closer to him than family. You’ve been through hell and back with each other over the years. You’ve seen a side of him I’ll never get to see, share things with him that I never have and never will. If this didn’t affect you, I’d seriously think about giving you a session in the playroom.” She smiled.
As her words sunk in, he laughed. He pulled her to him. “Oh, damn it, I’m such a fucking loser and you still want me. I think you’re delusional.”
“Honesty, Seth. Part of being honest is showing your emotions when you need to. This isn’t a one-sided relationship. He wasn’t kidding when he said that what we have isn’t about doing this all the time. Plenty of times it’s just…normal.”
“Naked normal.”
“Oh come on. You know you love it.”
He coarsely laughed again. “Yeah, I have to admit that part is nice.”
“Will you please take me to the club tomorrow night? It would make me happy. I know it will make him happy.”
He sighed. “Yeah. Okay.”
“You feel a little better?”
He nodded.
She brushed her lips against his and sat back so he could stand. He helped her to her feet. “I need to finish my shower before the hot water runs out.”
“French toast or pancakes?”
He smiled. “Surprise me.”
That night after dinner, Leah popped in a DVD and sat on the couch between the men.
Seth had never seen Secretary before. In some ways, it could have been Leah’s biography. Even though the story wasn’t exactly the same, it gave him yet another perspective into her mindset and helped him understand why this lifestyle was so important to her.
Halfway through the movie she slipped her hand into Seth’s lap and started rubbing his cock through his shorts. It didn’t take much to get him fully stiff. Within a few minutes they were repeating the encounter from the night before. Hot didn’t begin to describe it.
When he finally went to bed, he thought about their impending trip to the club.
He was a little surprised to find part of him eagerly anticipated it.
Anticipated being alone with Leah.
Seth spent a restless night alone. The memory of the feel of Leah’s mouth on him kept him hard for hours despite jerking off twice.
Moron. Go sleep with her.
He tried to roll over and go to sleep. By the time he stumbled out of bed the next morning, he didn’t feel like a run. He barely felt like getting out of bed, but the thought that he’d be taking Leah alone to the club that night made further sleep impossible.
He stepped into the shower after he shaved. Sure enough, a few minutes later, she joined him.
“What is that?” He pointed to the can of shaving gel and disposable razor in her hand.
“I’m going to shave you.” Her matter-of-fact tone possessed more than a little “Duh!” factor.