Seth shook his head. “Nope. Not nearly enough, I’m afraid.”
“Car break down?”
He sat back in the seat and closed his eyes. “Nope. I was odd man out. Wanted to give my friends some time alone. You know how that goes.”
“Ah.”
Fortunately the driver fell silent, opting to listen to stale Christmas songs on a local station. When they reached the gate, Seth leaned forward and paid the fare. “I’ll get out here and walk. I need the air. It’s not far.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I know the way home.”
He got out and punched in the code, waited for the gate to open enough he could slip through, and walked back to the house.
The holiday lights, now set on a timer system, welcomed him as he reached their drive. He spent a few minutes walking through the displays, trying to put off the inevitable.
They would be heading to the resort.
Inside, the hollow sound of his dress shoes on the tile floor echoed back at him. He turned on the Christmas tree lights and living room TV before walking to his room. He turned his TV on, too, and kicked off his shoes. He started to drop the tux on the bed, thought better of it. Just because Leah wasn’t around was no reason for him to be a slob. He’d had plenty of years’ experience picking up after himself.
He neatly hung the tux in the closet. She’d take care of it Monday, he knew. Get it to the cleaners. Not that he’d ever use it again, probably.
Then again, he might. Knowing Leah, she’d drag him to any banquet she could.
And he’d go.
He slipped on a pair of sleeping shorts and padded out to the kitchen. It was tempting to make himself a drink, but he opted for fixing a mug of the herbal tea Leah was making Kaden drink by the gallon. He damn sure didn’t need to be drunk tonight, alone, when it would be hard enough to keep the bad and depressing thoughts at bay. And he damn sure didn’t need the extra calories. He was almost pleased when he looked in the mirror, his old Army body finally visible without years of accumulated flab in the way.
He didn’t want to lose the progress.
It was nearly midnight when he settled on the couch in front of the TV and surfed until he found a stupid holiday horror movie. An axe murderer dressed as Santa, terrorizing some sorority sisters.
Tits, ass, terror, and tinsel. What a combo.
He settled in for a long night alone.
He awoke the next morning on the couch with a crick in his neck.
Well, won’t have to make my own bed, at least.
He started a pot of coffee before going to take a shower. Then he poured himself a mug and walked down to the end of the driveway to get the paper.
He turned the living room TV to one of the digital music stations, a classic rock channel. He turned the volume up loud so it blared through the stereo speakers and made the subwoofer throb.
Very loud.
Loud enough he couldn’t hear the empty house.
Leaving the sliders open so he could hear the music, he took the singletail outside and practiced for two hours with both arms, until his palms and arms were sore.
Then he swam for nearly an hour.
He silently screamed the music lyrics in his mind, trying to drone out all other thoughts. For the few songs he didn’t know he focused on the bass line and tried to chant that.
He used a rolled-up blanket to practice ropework for an hour.
Another swim.
Repeat.
Seth realized around four that he’d forgotten to eat both breakfast and lunch.
Fuck.
Maybe that was why he felt sick to his stomach.
He fixed a bowl of cereal before walking over to the TV. He turned it off.
The sudden silence sent chills down his spine. He nearly threw up.
TV on. Oh boy. Definitely on.
He turned the volume down and found a college football game on the Deuce. He didn’t give a shit about either team, knew nothing about them. But he cheered each play regardless of who came out ahead.
By seven, he was pacing the house.
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdying
Finally, he forced himself to sit on the couch.
He turned off the TV.
Seth heard the tick of the coffee pot in the kitchen—fuck, forgot to turn that off—the sound of the air handler in the hall as it ran, the pool pump chugging outside on the lanai.
He screamed.
Seth closed his eyes and let out a deep, long, gut-twisting primal cry of rage and grief and hopelessness—
kaden’sdyingkaden’sdyingKADEN’SDYINGGODDAMMITIT’S NOTFUCKINGFAIRKADEN’SDYINGANDI’MNOT
—until he fell over on his side and sobbed himself to sleep on the couch.
Around two a.m., Seth awoke and realized he was still lying on the couch. He walked to the kitchen, shut off the coffee pot. Thank God he hadn’t burned down the fucking house.
My house.
He squeezed his eyes shut as the mental heartbeat threatened to return but apparently his mini-meltdown had helped.
Seth switched the TV on and found another stupid B-movie marathon on one of the premium channels.
He grabbed a pillow from his bed, curled up on the couch, then fell asleep again.
Sunday morning he awoke around dawn. The TV droned on despite his inattention.
Seth felt dead inside.
He sincerely hoped they were having a good time. In his note to Kaden, he’d specifically requested they not call to check in. He claimed it was because he wanted them to have a good time and focus on each other.
In reality, he knew damn well it would fuck his mind if they did. He’d suspected he would feel achingly lonely without Kaden and Leah around. Hearing them talk about how good a time they were having wouldn’t help him any. He didn’t want them to feel guilty if he couldn’t sound convincingly cheerful enough.
Seth didn’t predict, however, how bad he’d feel. How dead inside.
Not just without Leah, but without Kaden.
It had become so natural to chat over breakfast every morning, then around dinner every night. Playing guitars and singing together. Working with the two of them during sessions or learning from them.
The three of them making love.
And this preview of what his life was about to become…
Yes, Leah would be there.
But Kaden wouldn’t.
Fuck.
He needed to get his shit together and get his fucking head on straight before they got home. Leah would be all over him like white on rice if she suspected he’d been upset while they were gone.
Their checkout time was three. He’d requested Kaden stay and use the full time. Whether they would was another matter entirely.
At least an hour to drive home.
If they stopped to eat on the way, more time.
His day progressed much as Saturday had, trying to keep himself busy and distracted. When three o’clock rolled around, Seth found himself pacing again.
A little after five, he heard the sound of tires in the drive and looked.
A huge sigh of relief. They were back.
Leah’s beaming smile as she jumped out of the car and ran to hug him on the front porch warmed his heart.
He swung her around and buried his face in her hair.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you so much!”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah. A lot of fun. But I missed you.”
He gave her one final squeeze before releasing her. “I missed you too, babe. Both of you.”
“Did you eat?”
And so it started. He laughed. “I did manage to take care of myself while you were gone, yes. No wild parties, and no messes.” He walked down to help Kaden with the bags.