Leah got her short ride that day, before they had to prepare for their guests.
Seth tried to relax during the afternoon. Leah convinced Seth and Kaden to play their guitars for everyone, and they had a cheerful session of singing Christmas carols…some with risqué, made-up lyrics.
When the last person left a little after eleven, all three were exhausted. Seth gave in to Leah’s request to sleep with them, even though all they did was go to sleep.
As Seth drifted, he thought about the day. It was a good day. He’d taken lots of video and hundreds of pictures.
He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep without thinking the phrase “last Christmas.”
Chapter Twenty
December thirtieth dawned cold and rainy, perfectly matching Seth’s mood. While the day quickly cleared, his mind did not.
Leah seemed to sense his need for space and didn’t hover.
He pulled on sweats and went for a run, his sneakers squishing on the wet asphalt as he tried to run his foul mood out of his mind.
Tomorrow night they’d have the last party of the season, fifty guests expected to show up.
Seth felt tired. He wanted it over with so he could relax and quit worrying about whether or not his fake smile looked right. He was tired of watching friends and family force smiles. He was sick of their private comments to him, how sorry they were, and that they were there for him if he needed anything.
Bullshit.
All words. Well-meaning words, but when the time finally came, Seth knew it would be up to him and Leah to shoulder the burden while others uncomfortably withdrew with their worthless platitudes.
He didn’t want to lose Kaden. He wanted to lose the world and spend the time they had left together, alone with his friends.
He’d also realized he loved Kaden. Not in a “hey, you’ve got a cute ass” kind of way, but more than friend or brother.
And looking into the barely masked faces of their friends and family didn’t help Seth handle things any better.
Leah quietly fixed him breakfast. Later that afternoon, he settled on the couch and played Wii Bowling with Kaden.
They curled together in bed later that night. While tired, Seth was content to lie back and watch Kaden make love to Leah. Seth held her, softly whispering to her while Kaden made her climax.
Last party. Kaden wanted to keep the lights and displays up until the first weekend in January, which was fine with Seth. It would take him a week or more to dismantle everything. He’d already laminated the sketches so he could have them for next Christmas.
In case.
Leah had bought him several dozen large plastic tubs. He would carefully store and label everything to make it easier to find next November.
Especially since he suspected he’d be putting it up alone.
Seth resisted the urge to drink, saving it for the midnight champagne toast. As they counted down, Leah dragged Seth and Kaden into the kitchen and kept a firm grip around their waists. When midnight arrived, she kissed Kaden, then Seth, and hugged them tightly to her.
“I love you both,” she whispered. “My boys.”
Kaden nuzzled her ear. “I love you, too, babe.”
Seth kissed her other cheek. “Me too.”
Once all the guests had left, Seth and Kaden talked Leah into going to bed and leaving cleanup for morning. With all three of them exhausted, it wasn’t hard to talk her into going to sleep, cuddled together.
Seth gave up trying to sleep in his own room. Leah rarely allowed it. Sometimes she would settle for him staying out in the living room late, giving Kaden private time with her. When Seth tried to talk to Kaden about it, reason with him, his friend shrugged.
“She wants us both with her. If it doesn’t bother me, why should it bother you? You’re not feeling guilty again, are you?”
Yes.
“No.”
“Liar.” Kaden smiled. “It’s okay. If it bothered me, I’d tell you guys. Seriously. Have I ever hesitated to ask for alone time with her before?”
Seth shook his head. No, he hadn’t. Although Seth hadn’t asked for alone time with her, Leah seemed to make sure he always got a little, at least once or twice a week, usually in the morning.
In Seth’s brain, an invisible calendar ticked down. Not with dates and days and neatly marked squares, but more of a gauge, like a fuel tank. Right now, the level still floated in the lower end of the green region even though it had dropped somewhat over the past few months. The needle now dangerously hovered near yellow. Next would be orange, followed by red, each zone progressively narrower than the last. Then…
Black.
Seth knew damn well two years wasn’t realistic, even though he prayed for it. If Kaden was still here next Christmas…it would be a miracle.
Kaden kept Leah away from his appointments. While Seth didn’t want to lie to her, he knew he couldn’t keep rebuffing her attempts to get all the details.
Kaden focused more on the ropework than he did on the whips now that Seth had regained most of his confidence. Seth started working with the four-footer but wouldn’t use it on Leah yet. He needed to fine-tune his control with it first. Less forgiving if he nailed her with it, less room for error despite its shorter length.
For Valentine’s Day, Seth again presented them with a weekend alone. This time he took off, rode the bike up to Pensacola to spend the weekend with a former Army buddy who was in town for a family reunion. When he returned late Sunday night, Leah raced outside to greet him when she heard the rumble of the bike.
She nearly tackled him before he could get the kickstand down. “I missed you!” She threw her arms around him and hugged him as soon as he stepped off.
“I missed you, too, babe. How was the weekend?”
He didn’t miss the sad cloud behind her eyes. “It was good. We had fun.”
From the look on her face, Seth suspected she’d spent a lot of time in the playroom working through her growing grief.
Kaden read the newspaper on the couch. When Seth walked in, Kaden put the paper down and took off his glasses. “Hey. How was the ride?”
Seth dropped his bag on the floor behind the couch so he could pull off his jacket. Before he could say anything, Leah had grabbed it and carried it back to his room. “It was fine. How are you feeling?”
Kaden shrugged. “Same ole.”
“She okay?”
“Probably better with you back.”
Kaden gave them all a belated present. He’d had three matching bands made, two for the men and one for Leah, to wear on their right hands. An intricate, twining vine like the one in the tattoos, with a tiny triskelion engraved on it. Kaden slipped Leah’s ring on her hand, then the other ring on Seth’s.
“Still not doing you,” Kaden said with a grin.
Seth hugged him. “Ditto, buddy.”
But he looked at the ring and it…felt right. Like the three of them belonged together in an unofficially official way.
Time ticked on. While Leah was out grocery shopping one day, Seth walked into the den and caught Kaden with a pained look on his face, bent over in his chair. He rushed to his friend’s side.
“What’s wrong?”
Kaden shook his head. “Just a little pang, that’s all. Feels better if I lean forward.”
“Do you want me to call the doctor?”
“What is he going to do? He’ll tell me to try chemo or dope me up to the gills. It’ll pass in a little while. It always does.”
Seth’s heart chilled. “How long have you had this pain?”
“Off and on for a few weeks. It goes away if I lean forward for a while.” He looked at Seth. “Don’t say a word.”