I have already talked to Ed and Tony, and they know what to do. What little sleep you can get while they’re there, take it.
I love you, dude. And tell her I love her, too.
Seth closed his eyes, nodded, and handed the card back to Ed.
Ed leaned in close and whispered into his ear, “I have a lot to give you, some a little at a time, some at certain stages. I’m to save everything for you to have after, if you want to keep it. He really did plan everything.”
Seth nodded.
Seth was aware of the sound of low voices, the stretcher rolling across the tile again, the front door opening and shutting. A few moments later, the sound of a vehicle leaving. The nurse stopped in the doorway and whispered something to Ed. Ed nodded and walked over to Seth and leaned in close to whisper in his ear.
“She asked where the sheets are. She said she’d change the bed for you, if you’d like.”
Seth started to tell him, then stopped. “No, I’ll do it. Tell her thank you, though.”
Ed nodded. He walked out of the room with her for a few minutes. Seth heard her leave a little while later.
Seth didn’t know if Leah was asleep or catatonic, but he knew she needed a little while to decompress before he gave her a full session.
He hoped Ed brought ear plugs.
He eventually untangled himself from Leah. She stirred and looked at him.
“Love, we need to take care of a couple of things. Can you help me?”
She numbly nodded.
He helped her to her feet and, with an arm around her waist, led her to the linen closet. “Let’s change my sheets for Ed.” He hadn’t spent a full night in his own bed in months, but he had slept there in the past week during the day, napping when he knew Leah was asleep with Kaden, the hospice nurses having strict orders to wake him if Leah even so much as coughed in her sleep.
Leah helped him change the sheets, and she gathered the dirty ones to take them out to the garage.
Next, the harder one. Seth helped her walk down the hall to their bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and sobbed, but let him lead her inside.
He’d changed the sheets earlier that morning. The nurse had tossed the disposable pads they’d used on top of the sheets. Frankly, it didn’t need changing.
Leah climbed into bed, grabbed Kaden’s pillow, and deeply inhaled.
Seth didn’t have the heart to move her.
Ed watched from the hallway, and Seth walked over to him. “Just keep your door open in case I need you,” Seth whispered.
Ed nodded and went to get his bag from his car.
Seth slipped into bed with her and wrapped his arms around her. She rocked herself, the pillow in her arms, her eyes squeezed shut. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
She rocked herself for an hour, Seth trying to hold onto her. She didn’t speak, didn’t make any noise other than to sniffle and weep.
She finally fell still, and he thought maybe she’d cried herself to sleep. When she spoke, her flat, dead voice startled him.
“Please let me die,” she said.
“What?”
“I want to die. I can’t do this. It hurts too much. I thought I could, but I can’t. Please.”
He held her tighter, scared. “No.”
“Please, Master. Let me die.”
He tried not to sob. “No, babe, I can’t do that. I won’t let you do that. I need you.”
She squeezed the pillow to her. “It hurts. It hurts so bad. I knew it would hurt, but it hurts so much.”
“I know, babe. I hurt too. I can’t let you die. I promised. You promised him. We promised him.”
She sobbed, cried for hours. Seth lost track of time. Tony arrived and Ed let him in. He brought water to them. Seth had to force her to drink. When Seth got up to go to the bathroom, Tony sat with Leah.
Time blurred for Seth. He didn’t even know what time Kaden had died, just that it had been late afternoon, and now it was after three in the morning.
Seth dozed, vaguely aware of Tony quietly sitting in the chair in the corner and reading a book. Seth didn’t dare let Leah out of his arms, afraid she would hurt herself before he could stop her. The slightest movement, even a subtle change in her breathing, woke him.
In the morning, Seth realized he’d dozed off. Ed sat, reading, in the chair. Leah was asleep. Seth smelled coffee and eggs cooking.
Moving slowly and carefully, Seth got out of bed, used the bathroom, and left Ed watching Leah while he walked to the kitchen.
Tony was cooking breakfast.
Seth poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the counter. “Thank you,” he hoarsely said.
Tony nodded, scooped some eggs and bacon onto a plate, and put it in front of Seth. “I know you don’t feel like eating, but force it down anyway. You’ll need it.”
Seth nodded and complied without question. He felt alternately numb and like he wanted to curl up and die.
Kaden’s dead.
The mental heartbeat had reached its inevitable end.
He finished, quickly showered in his old room, then went to relieve Ed. Leah awoke a little after nine. The only indication Seth had was her sudden, sharp intake of breath, followed by a deep, sad sigh.
She didn’t open her eyes, hadn’t moved, still clutched the pillow.
He waited twenty minutes before gently stroking her cheek. “Honey, you need to get up, go to the bathroom.”
She vigorously shook her head.
Okay, then.
He scooped her up. She wouldn’t let go of the pillow, so he let her hold it. He carried her into the bathroom and set her on her feet, forced her to stand. Forget modesty. He pulled her shorts and underwear down, made her sit on the toilet.
She looked like a dead woman walking. The utter lack of emotion on her face scared him. He knew she needed a session. He just didn’t know if he could bring himself to do it.
Eventually he heard her go. When he figured she was finished he pulled her to her feet, cleaned her up, and carried her into the bedroom. Tony waited by the door.
“She okay?”
Seth shook his head. “Playroom code is 1218. Can you bring me a crop, please?”
“Moderate or severe?”
“Moderate.”
Tony left. Seth didn’t have time or energy to consider how truly freaky that conversation was.
Tony returned a moment later with a suitable crop. Leah was curled on her side, still clutching Kaden’s pillow. Seth didn’t even care that Tony could see her naked from the waist down. Seth knelt next to her. “Love, do you need to feel the bite?” he whispered.
She didn’t respond, just closed her eyes.
He looked at Tony, who nodded.
Seth took a deep breath. “Love,” he said sternly, “do you need to feel the bite?”
After a long moment, she nodded.
Seth didn’t have a good angle and carefully lined up his strokes. A paddle would be easier to manage under the circumstances, but Seth didn’t think he could stand the sound.
The crop was quieter. And harsher.
He kept one hand on her waist and laid a stroke across her ass. She didn’t flinch.
Seth continued, a set of ten as hard as he could manage. At the end he curled around her. “Love, we need to do this. Where are we?”
An agonizingly long moment later she whispered, “Green, Master.”