He carried the papers—Kaden had put the later journals into three-ring binders for him—into the bedroom.
Leah awoke as he climbed into bed with her. When she saw his face, sleep left her system.
“What’s the matter?”
He held her close and read Kaden’s final journal entry to her. This one time, he knew she should see it out of order. By the time he finished, she was sobbing, too, clinging to him.
Then he told her. He admitted what he’d never told anyone else.
Admitted what he’d wished he’d told Kaden years ago.
She finally sat up and looked at him, wiped his tears away, and kissed him. “I love you, and I don’t want anyone else. Ever. I’ve lost Kaden, but I still have you.”
“I won’t share you. I’m telling you that right now.”
She smiled. It was the first time he’d seen a smile actually reach her eyes since Kaden’s death. “I hope to hell you don’t. It’d really piss me off.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I’d spent the better part of the past two months out of town, both on vanilla business and teaching classes. It was good to be home. I’d almost decided not to go to the club, then thought it might not be a bad thing, get caught up with the latest chatter, chill out a little. I was currently without sub or girlfriend, and the club always needed volunteer DMs.
I was standing in the foyer talking to Becca, one of the registration volunteers, when I heard the bike outside. No mistaking that sound. They walked in a moment later, and it took me a minute to process the sight.
I hadn’t seen them in a couple of months even though I talked to them on the phone once a week on average, e-mails even more frequently. Seth walked over, smiled, and shook my hand. “Hey, Tony. When did you get back?”
“Yesterday. Still unpacking. I was going to call you tomorrow.”
Leah looked good, a world better than a year ago, even better than the last time I’d seen her although I suspected she’d always wear her deep grief like an invisible veil. She had her bike helmet tucked under her arm, black jeans, and her black bike jacket was unzipped over her heavy leather bustier that—barely—covered her breasts and kept her street-legally dressed. Her custom-tooled, locked black leather collar looked good. The little silver tags caught the dim light. She glanced at her Master. He gave her a quick nod.
“Hi Tony,” she said, leaning in for a quick hug.
“You two doing okay?” I knew the anniversary had been two weeks earlier.
She smiled and it looked genuine, unlike the horrifically awful mask she forced in the early days and weeks after Kaden’s death. I preferred to witness her honest private grief than the façade she’d tried to portray to the rest of the world.
“We’re good. We still have rough days sometimes. We deal with them together.” She glanced at Seth.
Lucky bastard.
He signed them in, and as they walked through the door to the back, I noticed his demeanor changed. He seemed to grow in height as his arm curled protectively around her shoulders. She leaned into him, her steps perfectly synced with his. I hadn’t watched them scene in many months, knew from our talks that they had shifted into a different style. Their private time together, what she needed, they did at home. What they did in front of others was strictly for play unless they were teaching.
I followed them, wondering what toys he had in the duffel bag slung over his other shoulder. Didn’t look like he had any canes or crops from the way it hung.
They walked to the St. Andrew’s Cross, which I thought was curious. Kaden had rarely played with her on that in public, although they had one at home that received a lot of use. I stopped at a discreet distance and watched as she stood in front of her Master and kissed him, then dropped to her knees with a beautiful look on her face.
Lucky bastard.
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“I want to please You, Master.”
“Be a little more specific, girl.”
Her eyes lit up. That was encouraging. She’d seemed so dead at first, I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to pull her through. Frankly, I’d had doubts about his state of mind. I’d warned Ed that if Seth lost her, he might as well plan Seth’s funeral, too, because I knew she kept him alive every bit as much as he kept her going.
“Master, I want to feel the bite.”
He looked bored, examined his fingernails. “Hmm. I’m not sure you do. You don’t sound like it.”
She threw her arms around his knees. “Please, Master? I’ll do anything.”
He playfully cocked an eyebrow at her. “Anything?”
She eagerly nodded, smiling. “Anything.”
I’d noticed his confidence had built since that first time I met him. He also treated Leah differently. Then again, she was greatly changed now, too. Having survived something like that, it shows a person they can take more than they thought. It tempers the soul, and if it doesn’t destroy you, it can make you stronger.
Sometimes the old clichés weren’t just bullshit.
Seth wasn’t hovering over her as Kaden had. I suspected if anyone dared look at her wrong, she’d clock them. Before, Leah would have cowered and needed protection, frozen in fear.
Now, after Kaden’s death, Leah would kick Baxter’s ass, or anyone else who dared speak to or touch her without her Master’s say-so.
Seth dropped the bag and his helmet to the floor, next to Leah’s helmet. He shrugged off his bike jacket. He wore a dark charcoal button-up shirt with his black jeans. He slowly started unbuttoning his shirt. “If you really want it, get ready, love.”
She jumped to it. She ripped her jacket off and dove for the bag, retrieving two leather cuffs from it.
Ah. That explained the cross.
She fastened the cuffs to her wrists and took out the bullwhip. Then she dropped to her knees again in front of him and offered the whip up to her Master.
“Please?”
He tapped his foot and looked like he was thinking about it. “Why should I?”
“I’ve been a good girl this week.”
“That’s true.” He made a big show of considering it again, dragging it out for her. “Well, I suppose. Okay.” He finished unbuttoning his shirt and dropped it on top of the bag. He took the bullwhip from her. “Go on.” He nodded toward the cross.
She jumped to her feet and ran to it, her back to her Master, and clipped her own cuffs to the uprights.
Seth rolled his neck and shoulders and uncoiled the bullwhip. I noticed the new tattoo on his right bicep. A vine design like the one on his left arm, the same one Kaden had, only this one bore Kaden’s name, and the dates of his birth and death were worked into the design. I also noticed they were both now wearing small, matching silver vials on chains. They looked like they were engraved with intricate filigree, and I wasn’t sure of the significance but I could guess.
He’d really come into his own as his confidence built. I could see Kaden’s training and influence in Seth’s manner and ways. Still, he was finding his own path with Leah.
From my talks with Kaden over the years, and especially in the weeks before his death, I’d wondered how Seth would change things up. I remembered how freaked out Kaden had been years ago, frantically calling me for advice when Leah first begged him to strip her at the club. I could laugh about it now, and knew Kaden probably would, too, if he was still around. The fact that Seth stood up to her and refused to allow that… I wondered if he understood what a big deal that truly was.