‘Towards the middle of the road. That side. I keep as close as I can to the verge ’cos some of these drivers are bloody maniacs.’
‘And it was … this was definitely another bike.’
‘What it’s like … it’s like when two of you are going along side by side and you turn your head to say something and … nothing! Soon as you turn your head … gone. First couple of times I was thinking it was me, how you do.’
‘This is the daytime?’
‘Morning … afternoon. I don’t take the bike out at night, I’m not stupid.’
‘What happens when you don’t turn your head?’
‘That’s what I was coming to. If you don’t look, you can see it. If you keep your eyes on the road ahead and you don’t—Sounds daft, I know. In fact, that’s wrong. You can’t see it, that’s not what I meant. You’re just fully aware of it. It absolutely completely exists. Two of you biking along side by side. And you can feel the wind coming at you along the hedge, but on the other side you’re shielded from it by … by this other cyclist. Really. Honest to God.’
‘And how do you feel when that’s happening?’
‘At first … just weird. Uncomfortable. So I’d keep turning and looking, just to get rid of it. And then … Oh God … I was so busy looking to the side I nearly went into the back of a tractor and trailer that’d just pulled in to the side. Another second I’d’ve been splat. Great big metal trailer. Go into that on a bike it’s broken bones at least, Mrs Watkins.’
‘Merrily.’
‘That’s nice. Merr-ily. Have you got to be psychic for your job?’
‘Not essential. Sometimes it can be counter-productive. What happened after the trailer incident?’
‘We’ve come to the bit I don’t like.’
‘I don’t think I’d like any of it.’
‘What happened … I thought about what’d become of Robin if I was in an orthopaedic bed for six months, so I decided that if I ever again got the feeling there was somebody cycling next to me I’d have to stop looking to one side.’
‘Did you … ever think what it might be?’
Hannah shook her head.
‘I didn’t think too hard. You’d go daft, wouldn’t you? What I was really afraid of, to be quite honest, was that it might be a brain tumour or something. When you’ve got a child, these things…’
‘I know.’
‘So it was almost a relief when it…’
‘What was the bit you didn’t like?’
‘Well, like I say, if you keep on and you don’t look, it just becomes more and more real. And close. I didn’t like that. It was a day like this, maybe not quite so hot, but I could smell his sweat. And yet it was cold. Very cold, suddenly.’
‘It was a man, then.’
‘Oh yeh. I could smell his sweat. There’s something about a man’s sweat, i’n’t there? And his tobacco. Tobacco breath. Not like cigarettes – I used to smoke till I had Robin – this was real strong tobacco breath. And after a while – I’m just concentrating on pedalling as fast I can, see, just gripping the handlebars and gritting my teeth, no way was I going to stop – I was feeling his thoughts. Just look at my arms, Merrily, I’ve got goose bumps thinking about it. Feeling his thoughts! Not – don’t get me wrong – not what he was thinking, exactly. It was more the colour of his thoughts. The texture. The feeling of his thoughts. I’m not putting this very well, am I?’
‘You’re putting it brilliantly well, actually. You must’ve been very scared by now.’
‘I was afterwards. When I got to work the first time they thought I must be ill. My colleague at the information centre, she wanted to send me home in a taxi, but I needed to work. Talk to people. Get over it. I did go home by taxi that night, mind. Had to go back next day on the bus to pick up the bike.’
‘Anything happen then?’
‘No. It never does when you’re afraid it might.’
‘When you say you weren’t scared till afterwards…’
‘Because you’re too much like … too much like a part of it to be scared. That’s what I meant by possessed. He was there. He was breathing all over me. I was wearing shorts – this was a week or so ago, this was another time. I was wearing shorts like these, only a bit tighter, and he – I swear to God, I felt his hand on my thigh, and I was angry, instinctively, you know? Gerroff! And he bloody chuckled. He chuckled.’
‘You heard him chuckle?’
‘I felt him chuckle. And that’s worse. You feel him chuckling inside your head. That’s what I meant by being possessed.’
‘How long did it last, usually?’
‘Probably no more than a few seconds, but a lot can happen in a few seconds when it’s something that’s never happened before.’
‘And how many times?’
‘Three. No, four. Until I realized what was happening and just … got off.’
‘When you got off the bike, it was all right?’
‘I realized then that it only happened when I was on the bike. As if I was actually generating it by pedalling.’
‘And there was nothing wrong with you physically. Unlike the others, though, you never actually saw anything.’
‘Never.’
‘When did it last happen?’
‘Earlier this week.’
‘Same man?’
‘Oh, yeh.’
‘What happened?’
‘Bugger-all, ’cos I jumped off quick this time and wheeled the bike along till I got on the main road.’
‘Just to get this right, this is the hill where you come out of this lane, at the church, and then go past the Rectory … down past there.’
‘That’s right.’
‘Could you just tell me … when you were feeling his thoughts, what were they like?’
‘Dark, usually,’ Hannah said. ‘Angry.’
‘Angry with you?’
‘No. He doesn’t know me. I’m sure he doesn’t. He just gets into my space. It’s like he just needs somebody’s space to get into, and it doesn’t matter who you are.’
‘So who was he angry at?’
‘Something bigger than me. Everything. God? I couldn’t say.’
‘And the time something touched your leg…’
‘You’re thinking it might’ve been a leaf or something, aren’t you? That’s what I thought. And I’m not going to insist it wasn’t. I just know what it felt like. Are you married, Merrily? You are allowed to, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, you are. And I used to be.’
‘Join the club. All I’m trying to say … when you’re in bed with a bloke, right? And you wake up and he’s still asleep … but his hand’s sliding up your nightie? Like that. Shall we have a cup of tea? Tea’s better on a hot day, sometimes.’
Merrily smiled. ‘Love one.’
Hannah stood up and opened the sliding door into a kitchen that must once have been part of the same room.
‘Blokes, eh?’ She looked over her shoulder at Merrily. ‘Hand up your nightie and dead to the world.’
9
Mutated
Walking out of Hannah’s gate into the warmth of the afternoon, Merrily felt mixed emotions circling her like bees: primarily, a certain wild excitement that was close to the edge of fear. You realized how much time you spent coasting the safe surf between the hard sandbank of scepticism and the unfathomable deep blue abyss.
She stepped down through the cutting, with the church on her left and the sun in her eyes and the phone chiming in her bag. Aware of the layers of Wychehill. The layers of experience.