“You look a little sad,” Edward was saying.
I flashed a smile at him. “Sad? No, of course not.”
I started to talk animatedly trying to dismiss those rather frightening thoughts.
When we returned home that night, my mother came to my room. It was a habit of hers. There were times, she said, when she was in need of a cosy chat. This was one of those occasions.
“A pleasant evening,” she said. “It always is at the Barringtons’. Nice neighbours. We were lucky when they came to Grasslands.”
“A little different from the last inhabitants.”
My mother frowned. “Yes, old Mrs. Trent was always something of a misfit and then that tragedy with Evie … and now poor Dolly … it seemed as though she were dogged by ill fortune.”
“Edward is a little perturbed about the work people and the machines.”
“Yes, I heard about that. I daresay Edward will overcome his difficulties. He’s that sort of person. I like him, don’t you?”
I looked sharply at her and burst out laughing.
“You know me well,” she said. “Sometimes I believe you know what I’m thinking.”
“For instance at the present moment?”
“Well, he’s very earnest. Mrs. Barrington hinted to me … Now, you mustn’t get on your high horse. Parents are like that. You’ll know one day. It has occurred to me for some time that there might be a happy outcome.”
“Why don’t you say it outright. You want me to marry Edward Barrington. Well, Mother, I do not want to marry him or anybody.”
“Don’t look so fierce. Nobody is going to drag you to the altar against your wishes.”
“I should think not!”
She laughed at me. “Just idle dreaming. I expect the idea is new to you. I’d like to see you happily married. It’s nice to have children when you are young.”
“As you did me?”
“That was a very special case.”
“I don’t want to think about marrying anyone. I want to be young for a while yet.”
“Of course. But if you did decide on Edward Barrington we should all be rather pleased. You’d be near us, for one thing.”
“He’s in Nottingham a great deal of the time.”
“Yes … but Grasslands would be a sort of root. I should hate it if you went far away.”
“I have no intention of going far away … or marrying … for a very long time. I like it here. I can’t imagine I should ever love anyone as much as I love you and my father.”
She was deeply moved. “My dear, dear Jessica,” she said. “What a comfort you have been to us both!”
“You don’t need any comfort from me. You have each other.”
“I’m so lucky.”
“I think we all are.”
She laughed. “We’re getting quite maudlin.”
“I felt a little sad at dinner because it suddenly occurred to me that you were getting old … you and my father … and it frightened me. I just could not bear it if you weren’t there … either of you.”
“We shall always be here until…”
“That’s what I mean.”
“My dearest child, all my joy has been in my husband and my daughters … you and Claudine. Charlot…”
“You rarely speak of him.”
“I think of him often. He left us … on that day years ago and I have not seen him since. Perhaps I shall one day. He is after all my son, and when I think of him I thank God for my daughters.”
I said: “Who is getting maudlin now? You are going to live forever and I’m going to be with you … your unmarried daughter who will always be there to look after you.”
The door opened and my father came in.
“What on earth is going on here?” he demanded. He was looking at my mother. “I wondered what had happened to you.”
“We got talking,” she said.
“You look a bit… peculiar.”
“Jessica was saying she was going to look after us for the rest of our days.”
“Look after us! When did we need looking after?”
“She’s worried because we’re getting old, and so is she, and she is dead against marriage because she much prefers you to any suitor.”
“Well, of course she does. She is going to find it impossible to discover someone who will match up with me.”
“It’s true,” I said.
My mother slipped her arm through his. “It all came about because I mentioned … or did I hint? … that Edward Barrington looked as though he might have plans concerning her.”
“I shouldn’t object to him as a son-in-law.”
“But it is I who have to accept or object, dear Father, not you.”
“Parental approbation is usually necessary in the best regulated families.”
“But this is not one of those. It’s us. Please get out of your silly old heads that you have to find a husband for me. When I feel the need of one I’ll choose him myself. At the moment, I am very content for everything to remain as it is.”
“You’ve made that clear enough. And what’s this about our getting old? I’ll never be old.”
“I don’t believe you ever will.”
“Well, come on, Lottie.”
He took my face in his hand and looked at me. “Stop fretting,” he said. “When have you not had your own way, eh? Nothing is going to change that… just because you have reached the mature age of eighteen. Stop thinking about age. That’s the best way to ward it off. All will be well. You are like me … born lucky. Life works out for people like us. Look at me. A wicked old sinner and I have got the two best women in the world.”
He kissed me swiftly.
“Good night,” he went on briefly.
My mother kissed me and they were gone.
Nothing had changed. No one would attempt to force me, nor even persuade me, to do what I did not want to.
My fate was in my own hands.
It was the day of the party. In the morning Amaryllis and I rode over to Enderby. We did not think for a moment that Aunt Sophie would come, but we had to assure her that if she decided to, we should be very happy to see her.
I said to Amaryllis: “It is good to get away from the house. The servants seemed to be running round in circles like a lot of ants. They seem to be busy but they are not sure doing what.”
“There is so much to be prepared and both our mothers want everything to go without a hitch. They’ll be terribly hurt if it doesn’t.”
We had reached Enderby. Jeanne met us and told us that Aunt Sophie was not very well. She believed she had a cold coming.
“Would she not want to see us today?” I asked. “We only came to enquire how she was, and to tell her that if she did decide to come to the party, we’d be delighted.”
“Oh, she wouldn’t come to the party, but she will be glad to see you.”
We went into Aunt Sophie’s room. Tamarisk was seated on a stool with a little table before her. She was painting in lurid reds and blues.
“I am sorry you are not well, Aunt Sophie,” I said.
“Are we disturbing you?” asked Amaryllis.
“No … no. Come in. I thought I’d have a day in bed. Jeanne thinks I should. Just a slight cold. Tamarisk is keeping me company.”
Tamarisk glanced up from her painting, looking very virtuous as though she were performing some act of mercy.
“What are you painting?” Amaryllis asked Tamarisk.
“I’m painting gypsies.”
“Tamarisk saw the gypsies yesterday, didn’t you, Tamarisk?” said Aunt Sophie. “She came back and told us all about it. We wondered where she was. Jeanne went out and found her with the gypsies.”