“Of course …” she said slowly. And she was looking at me intently. We had been very close all our lives. It had been something which had always comforted me, but at that moment I was wishing she did not know me quite so well.
She kissed me tenderly, said goodnight and left me alone with my thoughts.
I was too bewildered to sleep. I was hurt and angry. I felt I had been deceived but was not sure who had done the deceiving. Myself perhaps.
I was vain. Although I lacked Amaryllis’ angelic looks I had thought myself to possess superior physical attractions. Now I had learned a lesson.
But I was sure in the beginning I had been the one. What had made him change? And what did I really feel? Was I brokenhearted to have been jilted … or something near it? My pride had been deeply wounded. It was not exactly that I was in love. I hardly knew this man. I had had romantic thoughts of him largely because of the romantic circumstances in which we had met. As for Amaryllis she knew him even less, yet she had had time to fall in love with him.
I could not really understand myself. And why … oh why had I been so recklessly foolish as to tell them that Edward and I were engaged? And I was engaged to Edward now. I had used him shamefully to extricate myself from an embarrassing position. Why had I not paused to think for a moment? How much more dignified, how much more honest it would have been to have sat there and taken the blow on the chin—as they say—and tried not to show how much I was flinching.
How typical of me to flounder in and put myself in an even more awkward situation.
I had a very restless night and the next day went over to Grasslands. Mrs. Barrington had recovered from her cold and was as brisk as ever.
I asked after Edward and learned that he was coming back the next day. I was determined to see him at the first possible moment.
Amaryllis was in a state of bliss. Not only was she in love but, being Amaryllis, at the same time she could spare a little pleasure because I appeared to be in a similar state.
I consoled myself that if I had not made the announcement Amaryllis’ happiness would have been clouded because like my mother, and others perhaps, she had thought I was the target for Peter Lansdon’s affections. It gave her great happiness to believe that I was in love with someone else because it left her free to enjoy her own bliss without the slightest twinge of remorse.
“Of course I always knew how Edward felt about you,” she said, “but I thought you were undecided. You’ve been a long time making up your mind.”
“I wanted to be sure,” I told her.
She giggled happily. “Isn’t it strange that you were the cautious one this time? Peter and I just fell in love at first sight. Isn’t life wonderful? Just think… if that awful thing hadn’t happened to you, I should not be engaged now. I do think Peter was so very brave to go into that house like that.”
“Yes, he was.”
She hugged me. “It’s so wonderful. I’m so happy, Jessica. It will be marvellous to be married on the same day. We’ll have to think about June. It seems a long time to wait.”
“I think it would be a very good time,” I said.
“Peter says it is far too long.”
It was amazing to see Amaryllis thus and I almost reminded her that she hardly knew the man she was going to marry. A few weeks ago she had not even heard his name. But what was the use? She was in love and she was going to be married to the man of her choice. I should be married, too, but not to the man of mine.
Edward returned the following day. I went over to Grasslands in the early afternoon. He was delighted to see me.
I said to him: “I want to speak to you alone … soon.”
“Now?”
“Yes, away from the house. Could we go for a ride? That would be easiest.”
“Of course,” he said.
He looked a little strained, I fancied. I guessed it was the usual trouble at the factory but he brightened at my suggestion and I warmed towards him. He was a very good man and I was sure he would do everything he could to help me now … and always. I was very lucky to be loved by such a man, how perverse of me it was not to return his deep feeling and to be so much more excited by the company of a man I did not really know. That was how I was beginning to think of Peter Lansdon. How was it that he had made me feel that he was exclusively interested in me and then suddenly I discovered it was Amaryllis whom he intended to marry? I would always be sure of Edward.
In a very short time we were riding together.
“Edward,” I said, “I have a confession to make.”
“A confession?” He was startled. We were walking our horses and he pulled up to look at me.
I went on: “You have often asked me to marry you. Do you still want to?”
“I shall always want you, Jessica.”
Waves of relief swept over me.
I said: “My confession is that I have told them … told them that we are going to get married.”
“Jessica!”
“Yes. It was most immodest of me. Amaryllis became engaged to Peter Lansdon …”
“Amaryllis? But I thought…”
“Things are not always as they seem. He saved me in London and when he came here he fell in love with Amaryllis and she with him. They announced their engagement at the dinner table and I thought, well… why shouldn’t I tell them about Edward and myself…”
“Do you mean … ?”
“What I mean is that I thought we had hesitated long enough.”
“We?”
“I. Oh, I’ve been silly … young and foolish I suppose, not being sure when I should have been. So I said, Well they are not the only ones who can be engaged. Edward and I have known each other for longer than they have and there are many more reasons why we should be married, so …”
He took my hand and kissed it. “What an odd place to hear this … on the back of a horse.”
We laughed. His face was transformed. The lines of worry caused by the Nottingham rioters had disappeared. He looked young … and so happy.
“Well, Edward,” I said, “it had to happen, hadn’t it? It was inevitable. My parents are delighted. They have a great respect for you.”
“Mine will be delighted too.”
“Then there is delight all round.”
“Oh, Jessica, this is wonderful. Let’s ride back and tell them all about it.”
So it was as easy as that.
I was sitting in the drawing room at Grasslands. Mr. Barrington had insisted on bringing one of his finest wines from his cellar. Mrs. Barrington was twittering round in a state of great excitement.
“There, Jessica. You’re our daughter now. I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made us all. Isn’t that so, Father?”
Mr. Barrington said: “It is what we have always wanted. Why you had to be so long about it beats me.”
“It was right and proper,” said Mrs. Barrington, although I believed she had chafed at my procrastination more bitterly than her husband had. “One has to be sure about these things. That’s so, isn’t it, Jessica? What a wonderful day that was for us all when you picked up Father on the road and brought him home. I wonder what happened to that gypsy. He must have nearly served his time.”
“It was seven years,” I said. “He will have done six of them.”
“How time flies! You were such an earnest little thing then, Jessica. You cared so much about that poor man. We all loved you for it didn’t we?”
Barrington Pere and Fils agreed.
My spirits were lifted in their company. I thought what a delightful family they were—simple in a way compared with my parents, and so lovable. My family for the future.
Edward said: “I want Jessica to come to Nottingham to have a look at the house. There might be certain things she’ll want to alter.”