“But this is where I want to be. Don’t you understand that?”
He was too moved to speak and I sat there with the tears flowing down my cheeks.
There was a great deal of talk about the arrests which had been made. The leader of the mob was caught and was standing on trial with Fellows.
Fellows was the man who had struck the blow and Fellows was an employee of the Barringtons.
It was time an example was made of these wreckers, said the judge. And when people were injured during a fracas that was a very serious matter. Hitherto the Luddites had been treated too leniently. They thought they were given licence to destroy and attempt to kill those who stood in their way.
Both the leader of the mob and Fellows were sentenced to hanging.
We did not tell Edward this at the time. His father said it would upset him because he had thought highly of Fellows. Fellows had always been a good man and his wife and son were in the business. What had come over Fellows he could not imagine. But it was only justice which was meted out and the Luddites had to be pulled up sharply. We could not have the mob ruling the country and deciding what was and what was not to be done.
It was a black day when Fellows was hanged. Many people crowded to the place of execution to witness the grisly spectacle. I sat alone in my room brooding on what must be happening in the Fellows’ home. I thought of the woman to whom I had spoken. She had lost her husband. I thought of the boy named Tom Fellows. He would be fatherless. Yes, a black day for the Fellows and a black day for Nottingham. And for us, too, with Edward lying there in his bed, his active life over…. perhaps for ever.
Edward said to me as I sat beside his bed: “Jessica, I don’t know what is going to happen to me. I’ll probably stay here. You must go back to Eversleigh.”
“You will go to Grasslands. It will be better for you there … away from all this.”
“I was thinking about you. You are so good. You have been wonderful to me. You mustn’t feel bound in any way.”
“What do you mean? Bound?”
“Engaged to me. That is over. I accept that.”
“Do you want it to be over?”
“I rather think that is a matter for you to decide. Jessica, you are wonderful. You are bold and brave, I know. Don’t make too hasty a decision. Don’t think you have to do the noble thing.”
“I have thought this matter out very fully. What I propose to do is to go back to Grasslands and manage you… the house … everything.”
“It wouldn’t work.”
“Why not? Have you turned against me?”
“Please don’t joke. I love you. I’ve always loved you and always will. But that is no reason why you should sacrifice yourself for me.”
“Who’s talking of sacrifice?”
“I am.”
“Well, I am not. I’ve made it a habit of my life to do what I want, and what I want is to marry you. I intend to be mistress of Grasslands. Mrs. Jessica Barrington. No, Mrs. Edward Barrington. Doesn’t that sound fine? I shall bully you, rather as Lady Pettigrew does his lordship. Have you noticed? It’s better you don’t. You might jilt me, if you did.”
“You’re joking about a very serious matter.”
“It’s very serious to me, and I am going to marry you, Edward … just as we arranged before this happened.”
“Jessica … no. Think.”
“I have thought and I know what I want. You will be jilting me if you refuse to marry me and I shall be wretched.”
“How can it be a real marriage? You are so young… you don’t understand.”
“Edward Barrington, since I was ten years old, I hated to be told how young I was. When I am forty I might like it, but I have not yet reached that stage. And until I do, no more talk about youth, please. I know what I want and I am going to have it.”
“I beg of you not to rush into this.”
“I’m not rushing. I have given the matter serious thought, and this is the unshakable decision I have come to.”
He took my hand and kissed it. “I trust you will never regret it. I shall do my best to make sure you never do. And if at any time you find the situation intolerable …”
I put my hand over his mouth. I was deeply moved. I loved him far more as a broken man than I ever had when he was strong and well.
When the Barringtons knew that I was determined on marriage with Edward, Mrs. Barrington embraced me and wept. She told me how she admired me, how happy I had made her, and how much she thanked God that Edward had won the love of a good woman. I was embarrassed to hear myself described thus, but Mr. Barrington also embraced me and called me his brave and beloved little daughter.
My own parents were less enthusiastic. They both came to my room to talk seriously to me.
“You’re being rash,” said my father.
“Darling Jessica,” said my mother, “do you realize what this entails? You’ll be married to an invalid. Edward’s injuries are such…”
“I know. I know,” I replied. “You mean no normal… what you call family life. No children.”
“Yes, my dear, that’s what I mean.”
“I shall be happy looking after Edward.”
“At first perhaps …”
“You’ve got some idea about nobility and that sort of thing,” said my father. “Believe me, life is not like that.”
“It may not be for some,” I insisted, “but I intend it shall be for me.”
“You are young and inexperienced of the world …” began my mother.
“If anyone else calls me young again I shall…”
My father grinned at me. “What will you do, eh?”
“I really do know what I want to do.”
He took me by the shoulders. “Yes. You know what you are doing today … tomorrow and perhaps for a little while. But there will come a day. Someone will come along …”
I said angrily: “We are not all like you.”
“Human nature does not vary so very much, dear child,” he said. “Some of us go more in one direction than others … but we are all frail at heart.”
“I can see she has made up her mind,” said my mother.
“And she is like you, my dear wife. Once she has, she is inclined to be obstinate.”
“I think we shall have to accept this,” went on my mother. “Dearest Jessica, if at any time you are in doubt… or trouble of any sort, you know your father and I will understand and help.”
I looked at them both—the two people I loved most in the world. I embraced them both.
“I know,” I said. “But I have to do this. I would never be happy again if I did not marry Edward now.”
They accepted that, but they were very uneasy, I knew. There was a great deal of discussion as to what arrangements should be made. Mr. Barrington said he would go back to Nottingham and take over the management of the factory. Edward should return to Grasslands.
Clare Carson, who had been deeply shocked by what had happened to Edward, was to stay with the family in Nottingham.
Edward and I should be married almost immediately. There would be no grand double wedding now. Amaryllis would have the great day all to herself.
And so we went back to Eversleigh and at the beginning of May, in spite of further attempts by my parents to dissuade me, I became Mrs. Edward Barrington.
In those first weeks following our wedding I was very happy. I lived in a rarefied atmosphere of self sacrifice. I felt ennobled. I had honoured my obligations and I reminded myself that if I had not married Edward I should have despised myself. I had used him in the first place out of pique; well now I was ready to keep my part of the bargain.
And how easy it was! James Moore, the male nurse who looked after Edward, had turned out to be exceptionally efficient and was fast becoming a good friend of myself as well as Edward. He was there when he was needed and could be remarkably self effacing when the moment required he should be. We had been fortunate in finding him.