Tamarisk was often at Eversleigh and there was a very special friendship between her and Jonathan. My mother did comment on this once and betrayed a certain apprehension. “She is young yet. Not nine until the summer. But she is a precocious girl. No doubt her feelings will abate a little as she gets older.”
“Jonathan is very fond of her,” I pointed out. “She will be quite safe with him.”
“I hope so. I haven’t said anything to your father about it. He’s very critical of Jonathan and I don’t want to make him worse. He would come to all sorts of conclusions.”
“You worry too much,” I told her and added: “About everything.”
Which brought us back to the position in which I found myself. There was an uneasiness in the air—faint but present.
I had never been perfectly at home with Peter since his announcement of the engagement between himself and Amaryllis; and I often felt that he was a little wary of me. He must have known that I had believed his interest to be in me. I often thought of our dramatic meeting and how he had followed me in the street. He had seemed so attentive, so eager to know me, and then suddenly he had fallen in love with Amaryllis.
I suppose it was natural, but it did seem a little odd. He must have been aware of this and it made for restraint between us.
When I looked back I realized that I had scarcely been alone with him since the announcement. He was always busy—making frequent visits to London. He was a highly successful businessman. He was doing well with his rum and sugar and seemed to have many interests. He was still renting Enderby, which seemed an ideal arrangement; the money was banked for Tamarisk for when she came of age, so the house was an investment for her; and the fact that Amaryllis and Peter continued to live there shelved the problem of what was to be done with it. I sometimes wondered about his business and would have liked to see those warehouses of his. I still marvelled at Amaryllis’ lack of interest, particularly as she had money invested in the company. Once or twice I tried to discover something about this but she was vague. All she could tell me was that they were very successful and Peter’s business was growing so rapidly that he had to be more and more in London.
There was one occasion when I found myself alone with him. I had been to Eversleigh from Grasslands when I came face to face with him. We said good morning but could hardly pass on without a word.
He added that it was a fine morning and after that we exchanged a few trivialities. Then he said: “I hardly ever see you, Jessica, without a lot of people being present.”
“I suppose that is inevitable. We are a large family.”
“Are you … happy?”
I was startled: “Why yes, of course … very happy.”
He was frowning slightly, looking over my head, back to Grasslands.
“I’m glad,” he said.
“And I hear from Amaryllis that you are going from strength to strength with your new warehouses and so on. Business, I gather, flourishes.”
“She talks to you about the warehouses?”
“Yes. I expect you will be proudly showing her round them one day.”
Something in his manner attracted my attention. He seemed a little watchful.
“She wouldn’t really be interested. Business is not for ladies.”
“I should have thought anyone would be interested. I am. And Amaryllis particularly, since she has a share in them.”
“Oh, when I am here I like to forget all about that.”
“So you are not one of those businessmen who is obsessed by work?”
“Only when I am engaged in it.”
“I suppose you have time when you are in London for enjoyment?”
He looked startled.
“I mean clubs … and all that. Jonathan said you knew such places. After all it was you who introduced him to Frinton’s.”
“Oh.” He laughed. “That was disastrous, wasn’t it? I wish I had known he was going to make a fool of himself. He just asked me about a few clubs and I mentioned that one. I didn’t realize he would go to the tables.”
“I think he has learned his lesson.”
“Your father does not forget it, I’m afraid.”
“Poor Jonathan! It just happens to be something my father feels very strongly about.”
“I see his point, don’t you?”
“Of course. But I think Jonathan will do very well. We’re all very fond of him.”
“He’s a charming fellow … if a little weak.”
“Just that one incident! We mustn’t judge him on that. How is Amaryllis?”
“Very well.”
“Will you tell her I will come over to see her tomorrow?”
“She’ll be delighted.”
“Well, I must go now.”
He took my hand and held it lingeringly. There was an expression in his eyes which I could not understand.
I was glad to get away. He made me feel a little uneasy. I suppose it was because of the past and because once I had thought I might be on the verge of falling in love with him. He was attractive and that touch of mystery added to his charm. I had been young and romantic then. I wondered how many girls fell in love not exactly with a person but because the time seemed ripe and someone appears at that moment. Falling in love with love, was what it was commonly called; and what an everyday occurrence it must be! I had been ready to do just that with Peter Lansdon. The romantic circumstances of our meeting, his immediate interest and what I thought of as the beginning of a courtship … oh yes, that was the trappings of romance and I was ready to fall in love as most girls did.
Now I had had time for reflection and I realized that I should never have truly loved Peter Lansdon; there was something about him which repelled me, some element of secrecy. That might be intriguing in a way but it seemed now a little sinister. Perhaps I compared him with Edward, who was so open, so frank, so honest that beside him all other men seemed devious.
The next day I called on Amaryllis. She was showing the first signs of pregnancy. Her baby was due in August and Helena at this time was only nine months old.
“How are you, my fruitful vine?” I asked.
She kissed me and said she was feeling better than she had in the last weeks. “The first three months are the worst,” she added.
“You should know,” I said. “You seem to be making a practice of this sort of thing.”
“Well, one has to endure the discomfort but it is wonderful when the baby arrives.”
“Yes, I can imagine it.”
She looked at me wistfully. “I think of you a lot,” she said.
“Now you will have more interesting things to think of.”
“I worry … a little.”
“About me?”
“Well, I know Edward is a dear, but the life … My mother was saying …”
“I really must stop this,” I said. “I’m perfectly all right. I’m living my life the way I want it. I saw Peter yesterday.”
“Oh?” She looked at me covertly.
“Yes, we had a little chat.”
“He told me. Jessica …” I sensed she was going to say something apologetic because she felt uneasy about marrying Peter. She had thought—as many had—that I was the one in whom he was interested and I daresay it was a surprise for her when he proposed. I had had enough of people’s speculations about my feelings and all their anxiety because I had married an invalid.
I said quickly: “Peter is delighted about the child, I suppose.”
“Oh yes. He wants a boy.”
“Men always want boys. They think they are so much more important. I wonder they don’t put girls out on the bleak mountainside and let them freeze to death. Poor, unwanted little thing.”
“Oh, Jessica, what nonsense you talk! He loves Helena. We all do. The idea of any harm coming to her …” She shivered.