James looked relieved, though a little ashamed of himself for being so weak as to have an ailment. He was the sort of man who would pretend it didn’t exist.
Peter said: “Let me help.”
“We can manage, sir,” said Toby, his expression showing the delight he felt to be of such use.
“I’ll come with you, Edward,” I said. And to the others: “Excuse me.”
Edward said. “No. You stay. Don’t fuss, Jessica. I’ll be perfectly all right.”
I nodded. I always obeyed Edward on such occasions.
The door closed on them.
“Poor Edward,” said Peter.
“It is so sad,” murmured Amaryllis, no doubt comparing my barren life with her fruitful one.
“It was good that the bonfire man appeared so fortuitously,” said Peter.
“He seemed very eager to help,” added Amaryllis.
And as I sat there, the smell of burning leaves permeating the air, and talked in a desultory way, I thought how fortunate they were to have met, loved and married and to have two beautiful children to prove the success of their union.
Then I looked ahead to my own future. As far as I could see it would go on like this for ever.
Edward was none the worse for his fall. He said he was pleased that it had happened because it had brought Toby in to help James. He had been anxious about James for some time.
“I knew I was too heavy for him to lift,” he said.
“Toby seems a very pleasant young man.”
“Yes. Very eager to help. I feel a great burden. There are you, James, and Clare … and now Toby all waiting on one useless cripple. But you are the one I worry about most. Sometimes I feel it is too much for you.”
“What nonsense is all this?”
“You … young … beautiful… tied to me. It seems so wrong.”
“Please, Edward, you promised me not to talk like this. I chose this, didn’t I?”
“Sometimes people make rash choices and then they are stuck with them. It’s no life for you, Jessica. I was thinking of Amaryllis. There she is a happy wife and mother.”
“I wouldn’t change places.”
“You are so good, Jessica.”
I thought: If only he knew! I was almost on the point of telling him, of trying to explain. I love you, Edward, but I love Jake in a different way. It isn’t anything to do with your being crippled. I love Jake as I can never love anyone else. I’m not the same person when I am with him. Everything becomes exciting and wonderful.
How could I tell him that?
He was right. I had chosen this way. In a moment of pique I had chosen it. And now it was my life.
His next words startled me. “What about that man … Tamarisk’s father?”
“What… what of him?” I asked faintly.
“What is going to happen about him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is Tamarisk going to live with him?”
“I think she ought to be given time to decide.”
“Is he agreeable to that? Did you see much of him when you were in London?”
“Oh yes. He came to dine with us, and Tamarisk was with him quite a few times.”
“Do you think she will want to go with him?”
“I think she is getting fond of him but she is so devoted to Jonathan.”
“Yes. That’s almost a love affair, isn’t it? It’s surprising that the young can have these fierce feelings.”
“Tamarisk is fierce in her emotions.”
“I expect it’s a phase.”
“I think it is what will make her want to stay here. She wants to be where Jonathan is.”
“Time is the answer.”
“You mean … don’t rush into anything.”
“Exactly. Let her see as much of her father as she can. I suppose he would like to be asked down here.”
“He might find it difficult to leave London. I believe he has business there, and he also has that estate in Cornwall. Perhaps something will be decided soon.”
“In the meantime all you can do is take her to London to see him.”
“Y-yes. I shall want to go up before Christmas. Will you be all right?”
“Certainly. I have all these people to take care of me.”
“You don’t mind my going?”
“I miss you, of course. I miss you very much, but on the other hand I get a comfortable sort of feeling that at least you are getting a little respite. I know how much you enjoy those visits to London. You always come back rejuvenated.”
My deceit weighed heavily on me. But at the same time I was thrilled at the prospect of another visit to London.
I asked Tamarisk if she would like to go again. She wanted to know if Jonathan was going. I said I did not know. I thought he might not be eager to after the last disastrous visit.
“What happened about that girl?” asked Tamarisk.
“What girl?”
“Prue, of course. What was Jonathan supposed to have done to her?”
“Jonathan says he did nothing.”
“Then he didn’t. So why was there all that fuss?”
“Oh … it’s all over now.”
She stamped her foot. “It’s not over. Great-Grandpapa Frenshaw is very cross with Jonathan and he might not leave him Eversleigh.”
Where did she learn such things? Listening at doors, I supposed, slyly questioning the servants. I knew she would be adept at that.
She went on: “That girl came into his bedroom. He didn’t send for her.”
“Who told you that?”
“Never mind,” she said severely. “It’s not the point. She came in and he didn’t send for her. Then she blamed him and said he tore her clothes. She was lying.”
“It’s all over now,” I said. “We don’t want to worry about it any more.”
“I want to know the truth. I’m going to make Prue Parker tell the truth.”
“Prue Parker has gone. We shall never see her again.”
“She must be somewhere.”
“Listen,” I said, “do you want to go up to London to see your father?”
“Yes.”
“Very well, then. We’ll go.”
David and Claudine came with us this time. Neither of them really wished to leave Eversleigh, but there were some products which David had to buy. Peter was already in London. He had left some days before—on urgent business, he said.
When we arrived at the house in Albemarle Street he was there.
I could not stem the exuberance which was rising in me. I should see Jake. It would be difficult to be alone with him because there was Tamarisk to be looked after. It had been different when Jonathan was there to take her off my hands.
Jake was delighted to see us. Tamarisk asked a good many questions about his home in Cornwall which made me think she might be considering going there. There was no doubt that she was rather fascinated by him. Who would not be by Jake?
There was an occasion when Tamarisk was out of the room and we had a few words together.
“When?” he asked.
“It’s difficult,” I replied. “There is Tamarisk …”
“If you could come one evening.”
“I can hardly do that.”
“We could say we were at a concert… a theatre … Who is with you?”
“David and Claudine.”
“They would not be as watchful as your mother. I fancied sometimes she was … aware.”
“She may well have been. She is aware of a good deal… particularly when it concerns me.”
“This is too frustrating,” he said. “We shall be together. I can’t stay here just waiting for you to come to me. I’ll find some reason why you have to be here.”
“No … not in this house. It seems too great a betrayal.”
“We’ll stay in an inn … I’ll rent a house …”
I shook my head.
“What are we going to do, Jessica?”
“The wise thing would be to say goodbye. If Tamarisk would go with you to Cornwall that would be a solution.”