lights out!: NO. enter!: NO. softly!: NO. thanks!: NO. present!: NO. heads up!: NO. to everyone!: NO. first name!: NO. beginning today!: NO. next!: NO. watch out!: NO. after, you, please!: NO. profession!: NO. never!: NO. unfortunately!: NO. to the showers!: NO. wanted!: NO. until further notice!: NO. by the neck!: NO. hand it over!: NO. shut the door!: NO. undress!: NO. as of now!: NO. down!: NO. go on!: NO. sit!: NO. back!: NO. inri!: NO. bravo!: NO. hands up!: NO. eyes closed!: No. smoke!: NO. into the corner!: NO. psst!: NO. aha!: NO. lie!: NO. hands on the table!: NO. up against the wall!: NO. no ifs, ands or buts!: NO. neither forward nor backward!: NO. yes!: NO. no delay!: NO. stretch out!: NO. no stopping!: NO. stop!: NO. fire!: NO. I’m drowning!: NO. ah!: NO. ouch!: NO. no!: NO. hello!: NO. holy!: NO. holy holy holy!: NO. over here!: NO. shut up!: NO. hot!: NO. air!: NO. hiss!: NO. water!: NO. away!: NO. emergency!: NO. never again!: NO. mortal danger!: NO. alarm!: NO. red!: NO. heil!: NO. light!: NO. behind!: NO. don’t!: NO. there!: NO. here!: NO. upstairs!: NO. go!: NO. NO. NO:
help?: YES!
help?: YES!
help?: YES!
helYESpYEShelYESpYEShelYESpYEShelYESpYEShelYESpYEShelp
help
Translated by Michael Roloff
My Foot My Tutor
What, I say, my foot my tutor?
The curtain opens.
It is a sunny day.
In the back of the stage we see, as the stage backdrop, the façade of a farmhouse.
The stage is not deep.
The left side of the stage, from our vantage point, shows a view of a cornfield.
The right side of the stage, from our vantage point, is formed by a view of a large beetfield.
Birds are circling above both fields.
In front of the farmhouse we see a peculiar, longish object and ask ourselves what it might represent.
A rubber coat, black, covers the object partially; yet it does not fit like a glove, and so we cannot recognize what the object represents onstage.
To the right of the picture of the farmhouse door, from our vantage point, we notice a wooden block with a hatchet in it in front of a window; or rather, a large piece of wood is lying on the block, which is not quite level on the ground, and a hatchet is sticking in the piece of wood. Round about the chopping block we notice many pieces of chopped wood, and also, of course, chips and splinters, strewn about the stage floor.
On the chopping block, next to the large piece of wood with the hatchet sticking in it, we notice a cat: while the curtain opens the cat probably raises its head and subsequently does what it usually does, so that we recognize: the cat represents what it does.
Upon first glance, we have seen someone sitting next to the chopping block, on a stooclass="underline" a figure.
Now, after having briefly taken in the other features of the stage, we turn back to this figure sitting on a stool in the sunshine in front of the picture of the house.
He — the figure is that of a male — is dressed in rural garb: that is, he is wearing blue coveralls over his pants; his shoes are heavy; on top, the person is wearing only an undershirt.
No tattoos are visible on his arms.
The person wears no covering on his head.
The sun is shining.
It is probably not necessary to mention explicitly that the person squatting on the stool in front of the picture of the house is wearing a mask. This mask covers half of his face — the upper part, that is — and is immobile. It represents a face which, moreover, evinces an expression of considerable glee, within limits, of course.
The figure on the stage is young — some recognize that this figure probably represents the ward.
The ward has his legs stretched out in front of him.
We see that he is wearing hobnail boots.
The ward is holding the underside of his right knee with his left hand; the right leg, in contrast to the left, is slightly bent.
We see that the ward is leaning with his back against the backdrop representing the house wall.
In his right hand the figure is holding a rather large yellow apple. Now that the curtain has opened and is open, the figure brings the apple to his mouth.
The ward bites into the apple, as if no one were watching.
The apple does not crunch especially, as if no one were listening.
The picture as a whole exudes something of the quality of what one might call profound peacefulness.
The ward eats the apple, as if no one were watching.
(If you make a point to watch, apples are often eaten with a good deal of affectation.)
The figure thus consumes the apple, not particularly slowly, not particularly quickly.
The cat does what it does. If it should decide to leave the stage, no one should stop it from doing so.
If at first we paid too much attention to the figure, we now have sufficient time to inspect the other objects and areas (see above).
Can one gather from the manner in which the ward consumes the apple that he enjoys dependent status? Actually not.
Because we have been looking so intently, we have almost overlooked that the figure has already finished eating the apple. Nothing unusual has occurred during this process, the figure has no unusual way of consuming apples, perhaps a few seeds have fallen on the floor; chickens are not in evidence.
Now it’s the second apple’s turn.
To accomplish this, the ward stretches out his right leg completely, and with his left hand reaches under the coveralls into the right pocket of his pants. Obviously he is not making out too well.
He couldn’t reach into the pocket with his right hand, however, since he would have to lean back to do so but sits too near the wall to be able to lean back as far as he would have to.
He slides forward with the stool and leans back against the picture of the walclass="underline" no, the upper and lower parts of his body are still at too much of an angle for his hand to be able to do what it wants to do.
The pause is noticeable.
The ward stands up and while he stands reaches into his pants pocket and easily extracts the apple.
While still in the process of sitting down, he bites into the apple.
With his bottom the ward shoves the stool closer to the wall of the house again and assumes a similar, though not precisely the same, position as the initial one; the cat moves or does not move, the ward eats.
From behind the cornfield backdrop — from our vantage point, the left — a second figure emerges, the warden, judging from all visible evidence: rubber boots covered with mud up to the knee, gray work pants, a checkered shirt (white & blue) with rolled-up sleeves, tattoos on his arms, an open collar, a mask covering the upper half of his face, a hat with a pheasant feather stuck in it, an insignia on the hat, a carpenter’s pencil behind his ear, a very big pumpkin in front of his stomach.