He repeated the movement, withdrawing almost entirely and then stroking deeply back into her. The sensation was not painful this time, but neither was it pleasurable. She was stretched so tight she could scarcely breathe. Still, it wasn’t a bad feeling.
Perhaps predictably, her lamentable curiosity unfurled, suppressing disappointment.
“Very well, if you insist,” she said, wriggling a little in an effort to get more comfortable. “But please be quick about it.”
Anthony stilled again, buried inside her.
She opened her eyes and saw that he was looking down at her with an unreadable expression. Chagrined, she put her hands on each side of his face.
“Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she said anxiously. “Feel free to carry on. I won’t say another word.”
“Do I have your promise on that?”
“Absolutely, sir. As long as we have gone this far, we may as well finish the business.”
“Have a care, my sweet. Such romantic talk will make me swoon.”
She was mortified. She was also furious. The mixture proved highly combustible. She caught his shoulders and pulled him closer.
“Damnation, Anthony. Get on with it.”
He said something under his breath that she could not make out, but he finally began to move in quick, tight strokes. Her body seemed to have adjusted itself to his now. If the sensations she was experiencing were not the thrilling ones she had anticipated, neither were they altogether unpleasant.
If Anthony found pleasure in this, she could tolerate the exercise.
“Damn it to hell.” He sounded as though he was having difficulty breathing. “This is your fault. You have played havoc with my self-control tonight.”
“What is my fault? What do you intend to blame on me? How dare you—”
“You promised not to talk,” he said, teeth clenched. “Damn.”
Worried by the low, savage groan that underlay the oath, she opened her eyes. “Are you all right?”
He did not respond. Instead he suddenly jerked free of her body and grabbed the handkerchief. He wrapped it around the head of his erection.
In the dim light she could see that his eyes were squeezed shut. His lips were parted and drawn back in a silent groan. His teeth flashed dangerously in the darkness. And then it was over. He propped himself against the workbench, breathing heavily. He did not open his eyes.
“Damn,” he said again, very softly this time.
21
She waited, uncertain of what one did in a situation like this. The authors of sensation novels did not cover this sort of thing in the books that she had read.
Worried, she gently touched his arm.
“Anthony?”
He opened his eyes partway.
She shivered uneasily when she saw the way he was looking at her.
“Are you ill?” she asked.
“An interesting question.”
He straightened and turned away from her, swiftly adjusting his trousers. She hopped down off the workbench. That proved to be a mistake. Her thighs were so wobbly she had to grab hold of the bench to steady herself. She arranged her skirts with awkward hands, aware of a distinctly uncomfortable sensation between her legs.
“My apologies, sir,” she said brusquely.
He turned around again, alarmingly cool and back in control. “For allowing me to believe that you were a woman of the world?”
“No, for encouraging you a few minutes ago. Although, in my own defense, I must admit that I expected a somewhat different result.”
“What, exactly, did you expect, Louisa?”
She waved a hand, glad that the shadows hid her blush. “I’m sure you understand. One hears so much about the thrill of illicit passion, doesn’t one?”
“I couldn’t say.”
“You probably don’t read a lot of novels.”
“No.”
“But you must have seen your sister’s marvelous plays.”
“In her plays illicit love affairs always come to a bad end.”
“That’s not the point.” She groped for the right words. “The thing is, based on what I have read and seen on the stage, I anticipated a more, shall we say, transcendent experience.”
“Transcendent,” he repeated neutrally.
“That is the way forbidden passion is portrayed, you see.” She sighed. “I should have realized that there is a reason why every woman in England is not running around indulging in illicit love affairs.”
“It was your first time, Louisa. First times are always awkward.”
A thought struck her. “Hmm.”
He caught her chin on the edge of his hand and raised her face so that she had to meet his eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” she said hastily.
“Given what I have just gone through, I think I deserve an answer.”
“Very well, if you insist. It occurred to me that the problem here may have been you, not me.”
“You’re blaming your failure to achieve transcendence on me?”
“No, no, of course not. Not entirely.” She cleared her throat. “It is certainly not your fault that nature chose to overly endow certain portions of your anatomy.” She paused, considering the subject more closely. “Perhaps a smaller man—”
He leaned very close.
“Do not,” he said, his voice ominously soft, “even think about it.”
She stepped back quickly and came up hard against the workbench. “Calm yourself, sir. You are a trifle agitated at the moment. We both are. It has been a very difficult day.”
He closed the space between them and planted his hands on the table behind her, caging her between his arms.
“Let me make something very plain,” he said in that same dangerously soft tone. “This is your fault, not mine. You misled me with your guise as a widow. You played the part far too well. You should have told me the truth.”
“Rubbish. If I’d done that, you never would have kissed me in the first place, let alone ravished me.”
“You wanted to be ravished?”
“Yes, I did.” Anger and frustration leaped within her again. “I was in a mood to be ravished tonight.”
His eyes narrowed. “Was this some whimsical decision you made on the spur of the moment this evening?”
“Not at all.” She raised her chin. “As it happens, I have been thinking about that sort of thing a lot of late.”
“What a coincidence,” he said. “So have I.”
She ignored that. “Until tonight I have been in complete control of my emotions, of course.”
“Of course.”
“However, I regret to say that the events at Thurlow’s lodgings left me feeling rather unsettled.”
“In what way?”
“I can’t explain it. I was agitated and on edge all afternoon. My heart seemed to beat faster than usual. I could not seem to calm my nerves.”
He searched her face in the shadows. “I think I understand.”
“When you kissed me a few minutes ago it was as if a storm had broken. I was suddenly swept up in a vortex of intense sensation.”
“Carried along by the hot winds of passion?” he offered helpfully.
“Yes, precisely.”
“Tossed about by a tempest of raging desire?”
He did comprehend. She felt somewhat cheered.
“That is exactly the feeling I am attempting to describe.” She paused expectantly. “Was it the same for you?”
“It certainly was.” He leaned a little closer. “Until the damn snow started to fall.”
“Yes, well, it was obviously all a ghastly mistake. I would like very much to go home, if you don’t mind. I feel in the need of a large glass of brandy.”
“So do I.”
“You are annoyed. I don’t blame you.” An appalling thought occurred to her. “You won’t allow this unfortunate incident to alter our arrangement regarding the investigation, will you?”
To her chagrin, he did not answer immediately.
“No,” he said finally. “Our arrangement stands, if that is your wish.”