He released my elbow, his hands stroking over my body, molding me to him. They came to rest over my hips, pulling me even closer. Those strong fingers gripped my ass through the thin material of my skirt and panties, holding me hard against his lower body. There was no way I could avoid the evidence of his arousal as it pulsed against my stomach. His lips were soft, his tongue hot as it skimmed across my bottom lip in a silent command to open my mouth for him.
When I let him in he groaned, his tongue tangling with my own. My nails dug into his back, holding on to him as I tried to keep up with the kiss. I had no experience with kissing, with anything sex related! But dammit, I was learning fast and liking every second of it. He tasted good, like some exotic honey or nectar. I sucked on his tongue, wanting more of that sinfully sweet taste.
I wasn’t ready for it to be over when he relaxed his hold on my ass enough to move half a step back. Slowly, he ended the kiss, his lips lingering for just a moment longer before raising his head a few inches. “I wanted to do that last night but didn’t want anyone to see our first kiss.”
“That was my first kiss…ever,” I whispered.
Shane
I felt like I was going to explode in my jeans.
No kiss had ever affected me like this, not even when I was younger and screwing everything with a vagina that looked at me twice. It was damn near embarrassing, but somehow I kept from nutting off.
I knew Harper was going to be different—special. Last night I had realized that I was developing feelings for her. I hadn’t slept much while I tried to determine if I wanted to find out if what I was feeling for her was what Drake felt for Lana or what my other band brothers had found with Emmie and Layla. Part of me had been jealous of their new happiness, while another part had felt sorry for the poor bastards.
After deciding that I at least wanted to see were these crazy ass feelings were heading, I had gone for a run to keep from rushing over to see her. I didn’t want to spook her.
But with her whispered words echoing through my head like she had screamed them, I was finding it hard to breathe. Her first kiss. First kiss. First. Kiss.
I had suspected that she wasn’t very experienced. Lana had hinted at it, and Harper had shown plenty of signs of it. But she had just basically admitted to being a virgin. Sure, I had deflowered my share of virgins as a stupid ass kid. I had no respect for girls then; I barely respected myself at the time. Fuck, that was still the case!
But not with Harper, dammit!
No matter how badly I wanted her—and it was almost to the point of pain—I was not going to take her virginity. I didn’t deserve something that special, not when I was so fucked up. I would taint her.
Devastated, I took a step back. Still breathing hard, my body still aching to have her, I pulled away from her. Violet eyes looked up at me with desire until she saw my clenched jaw. “I’m sorry, Harper.” I told her and watched her eyes go blank. “I…I can’t… This won’t work…”
She just nodded and I practically ran from the apartment before I changed my mind. I couldn’t destroy her sweetness with my sickness!
As soon as my feet hit the sidewalk outside, I started running. It didn’t matter that I was in jeans. All I wanted to do was burn off the frustration making my entire body hurt. My heart felt like someone had stabbed it right in the center. Finally, I had found someone that I wanted for more than a quick fuck, and I couldn’t have her!
One of Emmie’s gods must really hate me, probably laughing at me right at that moment. I had found paradise and lost it all in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t lost on me that the one girl in the world I felt something deep for turned out to be my complete opposite.
I had been screwing every girl that looked interested since I was fourteen, and saying that I had fucked thousands of girls was not an understatement. When Demon’s Wings had hit it big, women were lining up for quickies. There were nights when I would start out with one and end the night with two, sometimes three.
Those nights had been fun, but now I just felt sick thinking about them. I felt dirty, unclean, and undeserving of Harper. Sweet, innocent Harper, who had experienced her first kiss with me…
My heart was screaming for me to go back, to take what it now considered as mine, while my brain was shouting at me to keep running. I was only going to cause her pain. All the reasons I shouldn’t get close to her or let her love me as I so desperately wanted her to, kept flashing through my mind.
The images had me stopping, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath after the long, demanding run I had just put my lungs through. I was on the verge of puking and tried to get my gag reflux under control.
When the nausea passed I straightened my body out and started running again, needing the physical pain to numb the emotions.
It was more than an hour later before I finally stopped torturing my lungs and legs. Sweat soaked my shirt, and my jeans were beyond uncomfortable to wear. I was somewhere in Central Park, the unrelenting sun beating down on me. Panting, I sat down under a big tree and pulled my cellphone out of my pocket.
Emmie picked up on the third ring. “What’s up?” She sounded distracted and I could hear Mia jabbering something in the background.
“Just needed to hear your voice,” I told her honestly. I was so homesick for her, especially when I was hurting.
“Everything okay out there?” she asked, her tone concerned now. “You don’t sound like yourself.”
I didn’t want to worry her. She already took care of us and our everyday shit without complaining…much. I was a grown ass man. I could handle my love life on my own. Besides, she probably wouldn’t have believed me if I did tell her the truth. “Just finished a run,” I told her instead. “How are my girls doing?”
“Mia has a new tooth,” Emmie informed me, and I smiled despite the pain still lingering in my chest. “That makes seven now. And she’s walking more. I can’t keep up with her! Oh, and she said Shay. I’m pretty sure she was saying Shane, so I think she misses you.”
“I miss her too. And you.” Especially you.
Chapter 6
Harper
“I hate guys.”
I heard her words but didn’t raise my head as I continued to edit the batch of pictures I had taken earlier that day for my freelance job that morning. When Dallas started complaining about guys I knew to just nod and agree with her anyway.
“Fucking rock stars.”
“Really don’t care, Dallas.” I didn’t mean to snap at her, but if she was going to suddenly tell me that she was sleeping with a rock star, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
Almost two weeks after my embarrassing kiss with a certain rock star and I was still hurting. I hadn’t heard from or seen Shane since that Sunday when he had kissed me and ran. I knew that I wasn’t what he went for and he had more than proven that to me.
Of course Dallas went on as if I hadn’t even said a word. “Do you know he had the nerve to ask me to be in his new music video? Like I would ever give him the time of day, let alone prance around like one of his ho-bags in a stupid video!”
I rolled my eyes at her. “If you say so.” She was still talking about it, which told me that she secretly wanted to. That was just the way Dallas was. The lady doth protest too much and all that bullshit.