I busied myself putting on my seatbelt as he climbed behind the steering wheel and started the truck. I kept my eyes on the buses that were slowly leaving the parking lot while he put the truck in reverse and backed out of the space he’d been lucky to find so close to the front of the school.
Somehow I was able to get my tears under control before he pulled into traffic and I let myself look at him again. His jaw was still clenched, but his shoulders didn’t look nearly as tense. For a brief second I wondered if he had missed me as much as I’d missed him over the past week, but quickly called myself an idiot for even thinking that it might be a possibility. He’d probably been jumping on his damn bed Saturday night he was so happy to be done with having to take care of me.
“How was school this week?”
“Not bad. I passed my make-up test and the ones we had today.” I leaned forward to fix my backpack where Zander had placed it at my feet, just to have something to do.
“I knew you would get your grades up if you weren’t so stressed at home.” He shot me a tight smile as he braked long enough for the bus in front of us to drop off a few students in front of several houses. “Everything else going okay?”
No, I wanted to scream at him. No, everything else is not going okay. I can’t sleep. I haven’t eaten. I miss you so damn much. But you don’t want me, Z. You don’t want me, and I’m dying.
Instead I forced another smile to my lips and shrugged. “Everything is good.”
I expected him to smile back, relieved that I was okay now that he had fixed everything for me and no longer had to worry about how I was coping. He didn’t smile. If anything, his jaw tensed even more and he turned his attention to the road as we followed behind the bus.
I bit down on the inside of my cheek and turned my head to watch the passing scenery through the passenger window as he drove on. Fall was my favorite time of year, and not just because it was my birthday. I loved the changing colors of the leaves and the cooler temperatures that teased at the coming winter. I was the type of girl who would rather be in a hoodie and sweats than a bikini top and shorts.
The trees passed in a blur and it took me several minutes before I realized we were no longer behind the bus, the same bus that would have driven past the garage. Blinking, I realized we were on one of the back roads that led to the Niall’s farm, one that not even they used all that often.
“What…?” I broke off when Zander hit the brakes and turned off the truck in the middle of the rarely-used dirt road. He unsnapped his seatbelt before turning on the bench seat and unsnapped mine.
He moved so fast I didn’t have time to think about my own reaction as he moved across the seat and wrapped his arms around me. Zander pulled me against his chest and buried his face in my hair and I melted against him, because it was exactly what I wanted.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” His voice came out rough, bordering almost on a growl. “I know it’s only been a week, but it feels like longer.”
I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling the mixture of sweat and soap. I loved the scent because it was completely Zander. “Missed you, too,” I whispered.
His hands stroked up and down my back and I thought I felt his lips in my hair, but figured it was wishful thinking. “I wanted to come see you on Sunday, but Chelsea thought you needed time to calm down. So I’ve waited all week, feeling like my damn heart would explode if I didn’t see you, but I gave you your fucking space Anna.”
Confusion flooded my head. Why would he want to see me if he was so damn glad to be done with me? Not understanding anything, I pulled back, even as my heart was screaming at me that we needed more of Zander’s hug than answers. “Why?”
He frowned. “Why what?”
I pushed at his chest, needing more space so that I could think clearly. “Why did you want to see me so bad if you were so glad to be rid of me? I figured you would have been celebrating with Devlin or something this week?”
The frown turned into something dangerous. His face hardened and his eyes took on that glow that told me his head was not in a good place. “For someone so smart, you can be a fucking idiot sometimes, Annabelle.” My mouth fell open, not sure how to react to that slap in the face. “I didn’t tell Noah what was going on because I was tired of taking care of you. I would fucking take care of you for the rest of my life and never complain about it. I didn’t care if you climbed through my window. Hell, it was something I looked forward to because when you were sleeping in my bed, I found the kind of peace I’ve been searching for all my life.”
My heart clenched painfully at the look on his face. His eyes started to turn back to hazel, his face unclenched and the way his lips tilted upward I knew he was telling me the truth. The look passed quickly and his eyes went back to the green and gold glow.
“You were hiding from the problem and I knew I couldn’t let you keep doing it no matter how much I loved being your hero. I was scared to death you were going to get hurt, and your grades were slipping. You deserved a better life than the one you were leading, babe.”
Tears burned my eyes, but this time I didn’t try to hide them from him. “Z—”
He cupped my face in his big, rough hands. “It’s okay if you hate me, Anna. I’ll take whatever shit you want to throw at me for breaking my promise. What I can’t handle, what my fucked-up mind can’t deal with, is you thinking I wanted to get rid of you. You’re my best friend, the only person who has ever gotten me and has never judged me. I’ve felt like I couldn’t fucking breathe without you this week. All I want is for you to be safe.” Using his thumbs under my jaw, he tilted my head back so that I had no choice but to meet his eyes head on. “Do you understand that?”
An errant tear spilled free. “Yes, Z.” It came out as a whisper, but it cut my throat on its way out, fighting for freedom past the huge lump choking me.
More gold flecks filled his eyes, but they didn’t turn back to hazel. The gold flamed down at me and I watched in fascination as he lowered his gaze from my eyes to my lips. Everything inside of me screamed in an intoxicated kind of excitement as I watched him lick his full bottom lip, as if he were thinking about tasting my mouth. Before my eyes, I watched his inner struggle, to kiss me or not.
Seeing that need in his eyes, that hunger that matched my own, made me suddenly feel powerful. Mix in his explanation of why he’d broken his promise and I realized that I’d been seriously blind when it came to Zander Brockman. Maybe he did care about me—want me—just as much as I did about him.
His inner struggle was making those gold flecks disappear again and I knew instinctively he wasn’t going to follow through with the kiss that I would have begged him for. Not wanting to lose this chance to have something I’d only been dreaming about, I lifted my hands to cover his on my face. Pulling his big, beautifully rough hands from my face, I moved closer.
Zander inhaled through his nose, making his nostrils flare in a way that was unspeakably sexy. Still holding onto his hands, I placed them at my waist and pressed my chest against his. The rapid beating of his pulse at the base of his neck caught my attention and I lifted one hand to touch it. His heartrate matched my own and gave me courage to do the one thing I knew he wouldn’t.
“You’re such a good man, Zander.” I brushed my lips over his jaw.
“I don’t feel like a good man right now, Anna.”
My lips lifted slightly in a smile. “That’s okay. I like it when you’re bad, too.” I let my lips skim along his jaw until I came to his chin. Abandoning the pulse at the base of his throat, I combed my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck and pressed another kiss to his slightly rough chin. “No one has ever kissed me before, you know,” I murmured. “I’ve never really wanted to kiss anyone until this summer. Then I kind of fell hard for this guy.”