Hearing her say those words, letting her put it all into perspective for me, was exactly what I needed. For the first time since Branson had opened his mouth, I felt like my heart was beating again. This was happening and I was going with OtherWorld on this crazy rollercoaster that I knew it would be.
She was right. This was everything I’d ever wanted. All I had to do was say goodbye to her.
Motherfucking hell.
C HAPTER T WELVE
Annabelle
The guys wanted to go out and celebrate, but since I couldn’t go to any of the places they wanted due to my age, they settled on going back to the apartment. Wroth, who was the only one old enough to actually buy booze, brought enough beer and liquor to qualify us as a small bar. The stereo was on full blast and the apartment was crawling with fans who had followed us back from Floyd’s Bar—most of them girls.
I sat on a pillow in a corner with Chelsea for most of the night, not wanting to get in Zander’s way as one person after another congratulated him and his band members for their success. I didn’t move when I saw one chick after another kiss his cheek and smile at him, offering him their bodies on a fucking platter as they looked up at him through their fake lashes. Even if what I really wanted to do was scratch up every prettily made-up face that went near him, I didn’t.
No, I sat there and every time he glanced at me, I smiled brightly for him, not wanting him to see how I was slowly dying inside. I refused to let him, or anyone else, see how close to breaking I really was. I just had to keep this up for another week, and then I could fall apart. Then I’d be able to mourn the loss of the boy/man I loved more than anything or anyone. Once he was gone, I knew he wouldn’t come back. I’d be just a vague little memory that entered his head from time to time while he rocked out on stage every night and fucked a different girl after every show.
Chelsea pulled the beer bottle out of my hand, forcing me back from the self-torture I was putting myself through as I imagined the guy I loved touching someone else the way he’d been touching me for the last week. The look on Chelsea’s face was full of sympathy and compassion as she replaced the empty bottle with a fresh one.
Lifting her own full bottle of beer, she tapped hers to mine. “Here’s to being the unselfish chicks who let the men we love have the futures they deserve.”
Hearing her say that, I felt guilt tighten my already churning stomach. “It should be Noah out there with them, getting ready to start the rock-star lifestyle with OtherWorld.”
Chelsea’s blue eyes darkened and she lifted her beer to her lips, swallowing deeply before speaking. “No, Annabelle, it shouldn’t. Noah has some serious talent, and yes he deserves to go far in the music world, but he and I both know that it wasn’t going to be the rock world he’d succeed in. The radio exec told him what we’ve always known. Country is where his voice belongs, not rock. And you know what?” I shook my head, not sure if she really wanted me to answer or not. “I’m glad.”
Her chin trembled ever so slightly before she clenched her jaw and forced a smile to her beautiful face. “I’m so glad, Annabelle. His going solo saved us. I could barely handle the groupies that hung around the bar on Friday nights. How was I going to deal with the ones that follow bands from city to city? The ones who just want to say they fucked a rock star? Yeah, I know he loves me, but that doesn’t mean shit when they’re drunk and they have available ass just begging them. How was I supposed to not break apart when he was out on tour without me? Huh?”
“Chels…” I honestly didn’t know what to say, because she was voicing every fear I had running through my own head. That was going to be Zander. He would be the drunken rocker with all the girls throwing themselves at him, and he wouldn’t resist. He wouldn’t have to.
She took a smaller sip of beer this time. “No, girl. This is the life I can live with. I can handle this one. He’s promised me that we can tour with him when his career takes off. I’ll be able to handle it because I know the only piece of ass he will be getting every night will be mine.” She winked and I had to laugh at the pleased look on her face.
Hearing her voice her opinion on my brother’s need for a new career path actually made me feel a little better. The guilt of ruining Noah’s life had been festering to the point that I was in fear of an ulcer. With Chelsea’s confession that all the new changes were probably going to save their relationship, I could feel some of the knot in my stomach ease.
Sipping at my own beer, I glanced back at where I’d last seen Zander. He and Devlin had been talking to a small group of two girls and three other guys in the kitchen, but they were gone now. One of the girls had kept touching his arm, flirting with him and tossing back her fried bleach-blond hair. I didn’t think he would do anything with that little ho-bag, but I didn’t put it past the chick to actually throw herself at him.
Turning my head, I searched the room for him and found him sitting on the arm of the couch talking to Noah, who was standing with Wroth and some chick who looked like the type I pictured the big ex-marine would go for: long hair, longer legs, and big boobs. Yeah, that was exactly how I figured Wroth Niall liked them.
As if he felt my eyes on him, Zander turned his head and caught my gaze. I offered him the same bright smile I’d had affixed on my face all night and gave a small wave. He stood and brushed past Wroth like he didn’t even see him as he crossed the living room and crouched down in front of Chelsea and me.
Taking my beer from me, he lifted the bottle to his lips and swallowed the rest of its contents before handing the now empty bottle to Chelsea and taking my hand. He pulled me to my feet. “Let’s get some air, baby.”
I let him lead me outside where several other people were standing around smoking, drinking, and laughing. It was a good thing we didn’t have any neighbors because obviously everyone was having a great time, some of them a little too much fun from the looks of it. I just wished I could have been as happy for OtherWorld as I was pretending to be. Zander linked his fingers through mine and we walked down the stairs and around the back of the garage where no one else had dared to venture, at least not yet.
I inhaled the cool fall air as we stopped and leaned back against the garage. I didn’t want to look at him—too afraid I’d fall into a sobbing mess at his feet—so I looked up at the stars instead. Despite the coolness of the night, the sky was crystal clear, not a cloud in sight. The stars twinkled down at me, mocking me for wanting to wish on each and every one of them. Wish for Zander to stay, for things to be different. For him to have a different dream, one that included settling down somewhere and starting a family. Or whatever. Anything, damn it, anything that wouldn’t take him away from me.
But that wasn’t his dream and I loved him enough to want to make this dream of his a reality.
His fingers tightened around mine and he stepped in front of me, blocking out my view of the stars. I swallowed hard, forcing back my pleas for him to stay, and smiled. “What?” I demanded with a laugh when he just stood there looking down at me with such intensity. I couldn’t see the color of his eyes, but I would have bet they were green with flecks of gold fire right then.
“I’m going to buy you and Gram a cell phone. That way if you need me, I’ll only be a phone call away. We can talk every day, and I’ll come back to visit as often as I can.”
My heart skipped a beat. “R-really?”
“Yes, Anna, really. I need to be connected to you. I need to know that you’re safe and back here in Tennessee waiting on me. That you care enough to wait until I’m in a position to come back and get you.” He took a step back and raked his hands through his hair. “Look, I know this probably sounds stupid to you, and I would totally understand if you don’t want to take this chance with me. I’m a bad risk, Anna. My head is all kinds of fucked-up and I’m probably going to make your life a living hell because of that.”