Chin trembling from that thought, I knocked on the back door and waited for Gram to answer it. The door opened less than a minute later and Gram stood on the other side, wiping her hands on her apron and smiling welcomingly at me.
“Annabelle,” she greeted, with so much warmth in her voice that some of the ice around my heart thawed slightly. “Honey, it’s so good to see your pretty face. Come in, come in.” Taking my hands she pulled me into her kitchen, her eyes skimming over me with a maternal eye. “You’ve lost weight, honey.”
I bit my lip, nodding. “Yes, ma’am. Just a little.”
She released my hand and went to the fridge, pulling out containers of leftovers. “Well, you sit down. I’m going to feed you and I best not hear any complaining. She took the containers to the stove and started heating up whatever she’d cooked for dinner. From the living room I could hear the television and Gramps coughing every now and then. “I still haven’t learned how to cook for just me and Zander’s grandfather. I keep thinking Zander will walk through the door and I need to fix enough for his bottomless stomach.”
Her voice was so full of sadness that my chin trembled even more. “Ha-have you heard from him?” I asked as I sat at the table.
Without turning to face me, Gram nodded. “He calls every few nights on that cellphone of his. Makes sure I have enough blood pressure medicine and everything else. He’s a good boy, my Zander. Always taking care of his grandma.”
I had to swallow my sob. So he hadn’t lost his cellphone. Blinking back tears, I sat there, trying to smile for Gram when she glanced at me over her shoulder every few minutes. When the food was heated up she put it all on a plate and set it in front of me with a glass of juice. “Now, you eat all of that and I’ll get you a slice of pie I managed to save earlier.”
My fingers shook as I lifted my fork, but I clenched them around the utensil so Gram wouldn’t see. Somehow I ate half the food she’d put in front of me, but I didn’t taste any of it. My stomach roiled, protesting the food, but I didn’t let Gram know that I was so close to being sick. While I’d eaten she’d gone on and on about how Zander was doing.
From what she told me, the band had an apartment in West Hollywood that they were sharing. They’d already made a recording of some of their songs and three record labels wanted to sign them. Rich Branson was holding off for a little longer before accepting any of them because he wanted to squeeze as much money out of the label as possible. Branson had advanced them some money and Zander had already mailed her a check so that she could get her next month’s worth of medication.
I’d been happy to shovel food into my mouth as Gram had talked. It meant I didn’t have to keep up with the conversation. I could see how proud of her grandson she was, could hear it in her voice as she spoke so lovingly of him. I knew what a good guy Zander was, she didn’t have to tell me that. What I couldn’t understand was why he hadn’t wanted to talk to me.
I didn’t eat everything on the plate, but Gram still offered me a slice of pie. Unable to eat another bite without throwing up what I’d already eaten, I declined her offer and quickly made my goodbyes. The little old lady hugged me close and kissed my cheek as I stepped back. “You come back and see me anytime, Annabelle. You promise me.”
I smiled through my tears. “Yes, Gram. I promise.” I kissed her wrinkled cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”
All the way back to Nashville, I let myself cry, not caring when the sobs felt like they were tearing my heart loose from my chest cavity. I wanted to get it out of my system before I saw my brother again. I didn’t understand what had happened, why he didn’t want me anymore, and maybe that was why it hurt so much. The not knowing why was killing me.
Pulling into the apartment complex’s parking lot, I slid into the space that was reserved for our apartment and grabbed the cellphone I’d left on the seat while I’d been at Gram’s. Wiping away the last of the tears I’d let myself cry on the drive up, I punched in the number I knew by heart now. Lifting the phone to my ear, I waited for him to answer.
“You have reached—”
Hearing the automatic voicemail, I turned the phone off and threw it on the floor. “Why, Z? Why?” I whispered to the empty truck cab. “Why did you break your promise already?”
Zander
“Yo, Z. Your phone is ringing again, man.”
I lifted my gaze from where I’d been watching my fingers strum the strings on my bass to frown at Axton. He had my phone in his hand and he tossed it to me. Catching it with ease, I glanced down at the little screen, my stomach clenching as I prayed it wasn’t Annabelle again. I didn’t think I had the strength to ignore yet another call from her.
Seeing that it was my grandmother, I opened the little flip phone and put it to my ear. “Hey, Gram.”
“Merry Christmas, Zander, honey,” Gram greeted me happily.
I’d hated disappointing her when I’d told her the month before that I wouldn’t be able to make it home for Christmas. She’d understood, though. I had work to do in California, after all. We were still recording our first album and the process was taking a lot longer than anyone had first thought.
“Merry Christmas, Gram. How are you and Gramps feeling?” The last time I’d talked to her she’d had a dizzy spell and Gramps was fighting a bad case of flu.
“We’re good, honey. How are you and the boys? Are you eating enough?” Her concern for not only me but my band members as well made my chest tighten.
“Everyone is doing good, Gram.” My fingers started strumming over the strings on the bass again, unconsciously playing a Christmas song.
Everyone except me. I didn’t say that aloud, though. No use in making Gram worry. I hadn’t been okay since the day I’d left Tennessee, and from the way my head had yet to calm down, I knew I wasn’t likely to be ever okay again.
“That’s good, honey…” She paused and I knew there was a reason she’d called other than wanting to tell me Merry Christmas. It didn’t surprise me because Gram rarely called me using the cellphone I’d given her. She didn’t understand the damn thing, couldn’t see the numbers very well because she refused to wear her glasses, more often than not. “Annabelle came to see me this morning.”
Everything inside of me jerked as if I’d been electrocuted from the mention of her name. My fingers fumbled over the strings of the bass until I forced myself to stop and I leaned back in the chair I’d been parked in all morning, closing my eyes as pain exploded inside of me.
I thought I was handling being without her. As long as no one mentioned her name, I was able to keep my head on straight—straight enough to make it through the day at least. Her calls had been few and far between lately, something I was both thankful for and hated. She’d called at least three times a day in the beginning, but in the last few weeks she hadn’t called at all. Until the night before. I’d been lying in bed when the phone had rung and it had taken everything inside of me not to pick it up. To just hear her voice one more time.
I hadn’t let myself listen to the voicemails she’d left. Had made Devlin delete them for me because the temptation to hear her beautiful voice would have been too hard to resist if I’d been the one to do it. I didn’t want to know if she was crying or cussing, if she still loved me or hated my guts. It was safer not knowing. I could pretend when I didn’t know for sure. Gram hadn’t said anything about her to me and I hadn’t asked her if she’d heard anything from Annabelle or Noah.
It was better not to know what was going on with them. With her. She was better off…