“Oh yeah?” I tried to keep my tone even and I was proud of myself when my voice didn’t crack with all the emotion choking my throat.
“Yes. She’s been coming to visit every few weeks, but I hadn’t seen her in a while. I guess now that the garage has been sold she can’t make it down as often. She drove your truck down from Nashville. Brought me a box of those chocolate-cover cherries she knows I like so much and gave Gramps a tin can of that popcorn he loves.” Gram went on and on for a few minutes, telling me what a good girl Annabelle was and how she had missed her since she’d moved to Nashville.
“Anyway, she mentioned that she was trying to reach you, honey. She’s lost some weight, says she’s been fighting the flu like Gramps was. Poor thing didn’t look well at all.”
Concern for Annabelle made the ache in my chest throb. When I didn’t say anything, however, Gram let out a small sigh. “I didn’t know that you hadn’t spoken to her since you’d left, Zander. I thought you two were talking as much as we were?”
I clenched my jaw. “No.”
“Oh… Well, anyway, she wanted me to tell you that it was important that she talked to you. I even gave her your address so she could send you a letter, because she says she knows you probably don’t want to talk to her.” Gram’s voice became the one I remembered so well as a kid. The one she used when she was done playing games and wanted real answers. “Did you do something you shouldn’t, Zander Brockman?”
Another shot of pain sliced through my body. I wasn’t going to go down that road with my grandmother. It would probably break her heart to hear that I’d been doing a lot of things I shouldn’t lately. “She’s better off without me, Gram. I knew that before I left, I just tried to convince myself otherwise.”
“Ah, honey. You know that isn’t true. You and Annabelle have something special. Don’t throw that away because you’re doubting yourself.” Gram’s soft scolding made tears prick at my eyes.
“Gram…” I broke off, not knowing what to say to that. She didn’t know what I’d been doing since I’d left Tennessee, and I hoped to God she never did. She had no idea just how far I’d fallen.
“Okay, honey, okay. I’m not going to put my nose in your business. I know that you’re a grown man now. I just promised Annabelle that I’d pass along her message. Even if you don’t get your head out of your ass, she’s still going to send you a letter. Do yourself a favor and at least read it.”
“Yeah, Gram.” There was no way in hell I was going to read it.
“I love you, honey. Merry Christmas.”
“I love you, too.”
She hung up and I glared down at the silent phone in my hand.
“Gram okay?”
I didn’t bother to lift my head as Devlin dropped down onto the long couch in our living room. We all lived in the five-bedroom apartment owned by Rich Branson. Apparently he put all his new talent up for the first year as part of their contract. The place was huge and must have been costing the dude out the ass to rent for us, but I wasn’t going to complain. It kept a roof over my head while I sat around doing nothing on the days we weren’t in the studio recording.
“Yeah.”
“How about Gramps?” Devlin drummed his fingers on the leather couch’s arm.
“He’s fine.” Go the fuck away. Leave me alone.
“Uh-huh,” Devlin muttered. He was quiet for a while, but I could feel his eyes on me, watching me carefully. He’d been doing a lot of that lately. I didn’t blame him. If I were him I’d be watching the crazy dude a little closer too.
I’d had a lot of plans when I stepped on that damn tour bus all those weeks ago. I would go off to California and chase my dreams. When I got to a place where I could take care of Annabelle, I’d bring her out to be with me. We could have a happily-ever-after like she deserved.
The first two days I’d avoided my phone when she had called because it had hurt too much to be without her. It had taken us a week to get from Tennessee to California since Rich had offered us a real rock-star experience. We were playing at Hard Rock and other huge bars across the country and staying in the penthouses of stupidly expensive hotels.
I’d been diving into any bottle of liquor I could get my hands on, and—trust me—there had been plenty for me to drink. I wasn’t sure I was sober at all that entire week. My pain was easier to deal with when I was drinking. My heart didn’t ache nearly as bad for the girl I’d left behind when I was halfway through a bottle of expensive bourbon. I was numb and I liked that sensation.
Being in a constant numb state had its consequences, though. I’d found that out by the end of that week. I’d done things I couldn’t take back. Things that still haunted me. Things that had proven to me just how undeserving I truly was of Annabelle.
I hadn’t had anything harder than a beer since and I sure as hell hadn’t messed up like that again. My head, however, was still a mess. It was like a fucking hurricane in there, tossing shit at me at a hundred miles an hour and sometimes it became too much.
Which was why Devlin—and everyone else—walked on eggshells around me. It didn’t take much to set me off. The simplest things would send me over the edge into the abyss of craziness that left only destruction in my wake. I’d trashed hotel rooms that week and since then destroyed our apartment more than once. I’d started fights I knew I couldn’t win—yet somehow had. My fucked-up head was pushing me toward the edge of insanity and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fight it anymore.
Hell, I’d even been so desperate for my end to come that I’d punched Wroth. He hadn’t obliged me. Wroth kept an eye on me, though—they all did. No one understood, though. They didn’t know what I was going through. Not even Devlin, whom I’d been friends with since we were little kids, could get what I was going through. He’d never gotten me. No one had except for Annabelle.
How long I sat there staring down at the damn phone, I wasn’t sure, but the sky was getting darker outside when it started to ring again. I jerked when I saw the number on the screen. Annabelle.
The air in my lungs turned to ice, making it hard to breathe. I closed my eyes, hurting like I’d never hurt before, and hurled the damn cellphone across the room. It exploded into a hundred pieces against the opposite wall.
C HAPTER F IFTEEN
Annabelle
Present Day
I just wanted to go home.
It had been over a month since I’d seen my brother and sister-in-law. Even longer since I’d seen Audrey, Ben, and Mieke. I was homesick, but not for my house or my own bed. I was homesick for my family. From the looks of it, I wasn’t going to get to go home anytime soon for even a brief visit.
Things were still ugly in California. I had an obligation to Gabriella and I wasn’t going to back away from what was required of me. That didn’t stop me from missing Noah, Chelsea and the kids so much, though. Our nightly talks on Skype or on FaceTime just weren’t enough. I wanted to hug them and be hugged.
At least I was in Southern California now. Gabriella was home, tucked into bed with Liam in the house that Emmie and I had been able to buy for them near Gabriella’s cousin Alexis. At Emmie’s invitation I was now sleeping in one of her guest bedrooms rather than living out of a suitcase in a hotel. Being around her and her adorable family helped with my homesickness, but at the same time made it that much worse. Especially when I saw her with her kids.
Sighing, I tried to toss my growing depression aside as I got out of bed and stepped into the shower in my en suite. By the time I returned to the bedroom it was to find I’d missed a call from home. Mieke. My heart clenched when I glanced at the time and realized she was probably too busy by now to call her back. That girl was crazy busy with taking prep tests for college and I was so freaking proud of her.