This time I couldn’t do that.
Going to the coffee pot, I poured two cups of the strong coffee and placed his on the island in front of him before moving into the living room and quickly made my way upstairs. I went to Mieke’s room, pausing at the door to suck in several steadying breaths before I knocked twice and opened it.
My daughter sat up, pushing her tangled curls out of her face as she yawned. “What time is it?” she grumbled.
I had no idea. Glancing at the digital clock on her nightstand, I saw that it was just after six thirty. “How about pancakes for breakfast?” I offered, needing something to do to distract myself from the pain that was cracking me from the inside out.
Gold-tinted green eyes brightened. “Can I call Ben and Audrey to come over?”
Somehow I kept my smile in place. “Let’s just keep it to us and your dad this morning.” I was exhausted—emotionally and physically—after only an hour of sleep the night before. If my niece and nephew came over for breakfast, I’d probably lose what was left of my sanity trying to keep up with all their excited chatter.
Mieke’s eyes widened as if her sleepy mind had just remembered that her father was in our house. “Okay. I’ll be down in a few minutes.” I nodded and turned to leave. “Mom?”
I stopped at her hesitant tone, my back to her, and glanced at her over my shoulder. Praying my smile didn’t crack my face, I lifted a brow at her. “Yeah, baby?”
“I love you. You know that, right?”
If I thought I couldn’t hurt any more than I already did that morning, I was wrong. I could and did hurt more, but at least this hurt was the good kind. “I love you too, honey.”
C HAPTER T WENTY F OUR
Zander
“I wanted to fly out to Cali and punch you in the face.”
I didn’t blink at the words that left Noah Cassidy’s mouth. Fuck, if I had been him, I would have done just that. “Why didn’t you?” I couldn’t help but ask, wondering why he hadn’t gone out there and beaten the hell out of me.
Noah shrugged before lifting a bottle of beer to his lips and taking a large swallow. “Annabelle asked me not to. She said she wanted to tell you. I guess she figured since it had been just the two of you to make those babies, it should be just between the two of you. Then she fell…” He shook his head and placed the half empty bottle of beer on the table between us before raking his hands through his pale-blond hair.
The look on my old friend’s face gutted me. “How did it happen?” I’d known that Annabelle had fallen, that it was why she’d had the twins so early, but she hadn’t gone into details. I hadn’t pushed her to talk about it, not wanting to hurt her more than I knew she already was.
The other man grimaced and glanced around the room we sat in. We were in what Chelsea had called Noah’s man cave. It was what I would have expected of my friend to have in his little hideaway from the outside world: classic car posters on the walls, huge flat-screen taking up one wall, and a mini fridge stocked with beer beside a card table that didn’t look like it had been used for much card playing. A Grammy sat on a shelf in a corner—I assumed it was the one he loved the most because the rest of his awards were in the family room, decorating the walls. Noah had done well for himself in the country music world, with platinum records and country music awards of every type. I was proud of him.
Blue eyes that were nearly identical to his little sister’s finally found mine again and the agony in their depths was like a punch to the stomach. All the air rushed out of my lungs as I waited for him to tell me.
“I was in Memphis that day. Chelsea and Annabelle were out doing some shopping and girly shit. They had just left the mall when some kid who was skipping school nearly ran them over in the parking lot as they were walking to my truck.” He shook his head. “Chelsea told me she didn’t see Annabelle fall, she was too busy cussing at the kid who didn’t even bother to stop to see if he’d hurt them. When she turned around, Annabelle was on the ground. She’d fallen on her ass, but that didn’t matter. She was already so big with the twins… Chels said that there was a puddle of blood just pouring out of Annabelle. A mall security guard called an ambulance, but by the time they got to the hospital they knew they would have to take the babies.”
Noah pressed his thumbs into his eyes, as if trying to block out the images that were ingrained there. “I got to the hospital as they were bringing her into her room, and the doctor tried to tell her about Michelle. She was in shock and still half under the anesthesia they’d given her for the emergency C-section. I had to sign the papers for the heart transplant since she wasn’t coherent enough and I was technically her legal guardian.”
I grabbed my beer off the table and downed the nearly full bottle in two swallows. Even after hearing most of the story from Annabelle, it was hard as fuck to hear it again from Noah’s point of view. I could have lost them all that day. Not just little Michelle, but Mieke and Annabelle, too. Just the thought left a gaping hole in my chest.
“Let’s not talk about the heavy shit, man.” Noah drained his bottle before tossing it in the trash and reached into the mini fridge for two more. Uncapping them both, he offered me one before once again leaning back in his chair. “How have you been? You fuckers have done well for yourselves. Even heard that y’all were gonna take a break from touring for a while. That true?”
After the disaster the summer tour had turned into, I doubted any of us wanted to tour again anytime soon. “Yeah. It’s true. We all need a break from everything, not just touring.”
Noah nodded. “Yeah, that shit gets old fast. Learned that quick enough once the kids were born. It’s hard to keep everyone happy when you’re touring, making new music, and have a family to take care of. After ten years, I was done. I’d made enough money to keep us happy for the rest of my kids’ lives, but I still work. Couldn’t completely give up the music. I help produce for my label and still write a song every now and then.”
I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that he was done considering Mieke as one of his own. Now that I was in her life, I would make sure she was taken care of. Before I could even get the first word out, one of the cellphones on the table buzzed and I grunted when I realized it was mine.
Grabbing it, I saw that it was Natalie and quickly answered, shooting Noah a quick look. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she greeted with a small laugh. “What’s going on?”
“You know what’s going on. I sent you an email.” I’d sent it hours ago, but knowing how crazy her schedule was at times, I figured she’d just gotten it if she was calling now. After what I’d told her in that email, I’d expected her to call as soon as she read it.
“Yeah, I got that. I’m looking at it right now, actually. I’m just not sure I believe my eyes. Maybe these damn headaches from my blood pressure are playing tricks on my eyes. No way you sent this. Not you.”
I took a long pull from my fresh beer and leaned back, frowning up at the ceiling. “Well, I did. Figured you should be the first to know. And be the one to tell Emmie.”
“What about the others?” she demanded, sounding exasperated and more than a little concerned. I knew the concern was for me and she was wondering what the fuck was going on, but I didn’t owe her an explanation. I didn’t owe anyone that except Annabelle and maybe Mieke.