"One moment I thought you stipulated this morning to the alleged facts?"
"I admitted that my boys didn't pay duty on those bikes. I didn't admit anything else. They didn't pay duty because nobody asked them to pay."
"I see your point You'll have to lay a foundation for that and get it in by proper evidence later. I can see that this is going to be a little involved."
"It needn't be, if we'll all tell the truth and shame the devil." She paused and looked puzzled. "Warburton... Warburton..." she said slowly, "Your name is Warburton, Judge? Any kinfolk on Luna?"
The judge squared his shoulders. "I'm a hereditary citizen of the Free State," he said proudly. "Oscar Warburton was my grandfather."
"That's it!" agreed Hazel. "It's been bothering me all morning but the numbers didn't click into place until I noticed your profile just now. I knew your, granddaddy well. I'm a Founding Father, too."
"How's that? There weren't any Stones on the roster."
"Hazel Meade Stone."
"You're Hazel Meade? But you can't be!You must be dead!"
"Take another look, Judge. I'm Hazel Meade."
"Well, by the breath of K'Raath! Excuse me, ma'am. We must get together when this is over." He straightened up again. "In the meantime I trust you realize that this in no way affects the case before us?"
"Oh, naturally not! But I must say it makes me feel better to know who's sitting on this case. Your granddaddy was a just man."
"Thank you. And now shall we proceed?"
The young prosecutor was on his feet. "May it please the court!"
"May what. please the court?"
"We feel that this is most irregular. We feel that under the circumstances the only proper procedure is for this court to disqualify itself. We feel -"
"Cut out that "we" stuff, Herbert You're neither an editor nor a potentate. Motion denied. You know as well as I do that Judge Bonelli is laid up sick. I don't propose to clutter up the calendar on the spurious - theory that I can't count fingers in front of my face." He glanced at the clock. "In fact, unless one of you has new facts to produce - facts, not theories - I'm going to assume that you have both stipulated to the same body of facts. Objection?"
"Okay with me, Judge."
"No objection," the prosecutor said wearily.
"You may continue, ma'am. I think we ought to wind this up in about ten minutes, if you both will stick to the subject. Let's have your theory."
"Yes, your honor. First, I want you to take a look at those two young and innocent lads and see for yourself that they could not be up to anything criminal." Castor and Pollux made a mighty effort to look the description; they were not notably successful.
Judge Warburton looked at them and scratched his chin. "That's a conclusion, ma'am. I can't see any wings sprouting from here."
"Forget it, then. They're a couple of little hellions, both of them. They've given me plenty of grief. But this time they didn't do anything wrong and they deserve a vote of thanks from your chamber of commerce - and from the citizens of Mars Cornmonwealth.
"The first part sounds plausible. The latter part is outside the jurisdiction of this court"
"You'll see. The key to this case is whether or not a bicycle is a production item, or a luxury. Right?"
"Correct And the distinction depends on the end use of the imported article. Our tariff schedule is flexible in that respect. Shall I cite the pertinent cases?"
"Oh, don't bother!"
Her son looked her over. "Hazel, it occurs to me that the the end use of sightseeing, that the defendants knew that, that they even suggested that end use and made it part of their sales argument, and that they neglected to inform the buyer of the customs status of the articles in question. Correct?"
"Right to nine decimals, Judge."
"I've not yet gotten a glimpse of your theory. Surely you are not contending that sightseeing is anything but a luxury?"
"Oh, it's a luxury all right!"
"Madam, it seems to me that you are doing your grandsons no good. If you will withdraw, I will appoint counsel."
"Better ask them, Judge."
"I intended to." He looked inquiringly at the twins. "Are you satisfied with your representation?"
Castor caught Pollux's eye, then answered promptly, "We're as much in the dark as you are, sir - but we'll string along with grandmother."
"I admire your courage at least Proceed, ma'am"
"We agreed that sightseeing is a luxury. But "luxury" is a relative term. Luxury for whom? Roast suckling pig is a luxury for you and me-"
"It certainly is. I haven't tasted one on this planet"
"- but it's an early death for the pig. Will the court take judicial notice of an activity known as "Mars" Invisible Export?""
"The tourist trade? Certainly, if it's necessary to your theory."
"Objection!"
"Just hang on to that objection, Herbert; she may not establish a connection. Proceed."
"Let's find out who eats that pig. Your tariff rules, so it has been explained, are to keep citizens of the Commonwealth from wasting valuable foreign exchange on unnecessary frills. You've got a credit gap -"
"Regrettably, we have. We don't propose to increase it"
"That's my point Who pays the bill? Do you go sightseeing? Does he?" She pointed again at the prosecutor. "Shucks, no! It's old stuff to both of you. But 1 do - I'm a tourist I rented one of those bicycles not a week ago - and helped close your credit gap. Your honor, we contend that the renting of bicycles to tourists, albeit a luxury to the tourist, is a productive activity for export to the unmixed benefit of every citizen of the Commonwealth and that therefore those bicycles are "articles of production" within the meaning and intent of your tariff laws!"
"Finished?" She nodded. "Herbert?"
"Your honor, this is ridiculous! The prosecution has clearly established its case and the defense does not even dare to dispute it I have never heard a more outlandish mixture of special pleading and distortion of the facts. But I am sure the facts are clear to the court. The end use is sightseeing, which the defence agrees is a luxury. Now a luxury is a luxury -,
"Not to the pig, son."
"."The pig?" What pig? There are no pigs in this case; there isn't a pig on Mars. If we -"
"Herbert! Have you anything to add?"
"I – " The young prosecutor slumped. "Sorry Dad, I got excited. We rest."
The judge turned to Hazel. "He a good boy, but he's impetuous - like yours. I'll make a lawyer out of him yet." He straightened up. "And the court rests - ten minutes out for a pipe. Don't go away." He ducked out
The twins whispered and fidgeted; Hazel caught the eyes of her son and daughter-in-law and gave them a solemn wink. Judge Warburton returned in less than ten minutes and the bailiff shouted for order. The judge stared at the prisoners. "The court rules," he said solemnly, "that the bicycles in question are "articles of production" within the meaning of the tariff code. The prisoners are acquitted and discharged. The clerk will release the delivery bond."
There was very scattered applause, led by Hazel. "No demonstrations!" the judge said sharply. He looked again at the twins. "You're extremely lucky - you know that, don't you?"
"Yessir!"
"Then get out of my sight and try to stay out of trouble."
Dinner was a happy family reunion despite the slight cloud that still hung over the twins. It was also quite good, Dr. Stone having quietly taken over the cooking. Captain Vandenbergh, down on the same shuttle, joined them for dinner. By disconnecting the TV receiver and placing it temporarily on Meade's bunk and by leaving open the door to the twins' cubicle so that Captain Vandenbergh's chair could be backed into the door frame, it was just possible for all of them to sit down at once. Fuzzy Britches sat in Lowell's lap; up till now the flat cat had had its own chair.