I knew what he meant. “Yes. I do.”
Dunn stepped aside, and I hobbled over to the kid sitting in the car. He looked at me through the window with a mixture of defiance and fright.
I felt tension growing in my shoulders, in my arms.
He was going to rape Tessa. You need to make him pay.
Tension. Tension.
I remembered Melice talking about Cain, and the Lord’s warning about sin crouching beside him, wanting to have him. And as I stood there I could sense it crouching beside me too. It’s part of who we are, part of the human dilemma, but we must master it.
I tried to. Really, I did.
But I couldn’t.
Not after what this guy had tried to do to Tessa.
I reached for the door. It feels good, doesn’t it?
Yes, it does.
You’re not like them, are you?
Yes, I guess I am.
My fingers found the handle.
Christie used to say we can’t reach the Light on our own, but the Light can reach us. As I clicked the car door open, I thought of that, and of what Calvin had told me-that maybe we are all monsters.
He was right. We are. None of us make it past the abyss without peering inside. Without stepping inside.
The dark space inside of the car spoke my name and I knew that I would kill this boy, tonight, right now, with my bare hands.
I couldn’t say no, not on my own. Not tonight.
I slid into the car and stared at him, cornered in the backseat, delivered to me. I felt rage.
Fear.
Horror.
Not just because of his choices, his abyss, but because of my own.
And in that moment my heart cried out for courage, cried out to the only one able to bring light to an abyss as deep as me.
We are all monsters, all of us, but we were meant to be so much more.
And as I reached for the kid and saw his trembling eyes, I made a decision.
I leaned back, stepped out, and closed the door. Dunn was standing close by, ready to block the view into the car’s window. When he saw me leaving he gave me a quizzical look.
“I have a better idea, Detective,” I said. “Let’s book him. Pros-ecute him-”
A grin slithered across Dunn’s face. “And send him to prison full of guys who are always thrilled to have new mates to play with.”
“That’ll work.”
106
Thursday, February 19
9:30 a.m.
Lien-hua’s hospital room.
I was amazed at how well she was doing for someone who’d just died the night before. Weak, tired, but recovering.
Now she slept and I sat by her side.
Ralph and Tessa had left to get some breakfast and run a few errands twenty minutes earlier, leaving me alone with Lien-hua. Before they took off, Tessa and I had agreed to wait until we returned to Denver to talk about her ditching the flight. We both knew she shouldn’t have done it, but after what she’d been through last night, punishing her wasn’t at the top of my to-do list.
Earlier in the day we’d also found out Ralph’s luggage had arrived late last night-in twice as many pieces as it should have. Most of his clothes were shredded or missing, so he’d bought a Hawaiian shirt from the hotel gift shop and was wearing it proudly when he arrived at the hospital. “I like this style,” he announced, rolling his shoulders back and forth. “Gives me an island mentality.”
“It kinda looks like a rainbow threw up on you,” Tessa said.
“Great,” he mumbled, deflated. “Now I’ll think of vomit every time I wear this shirt. Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome.”
I decided to intervene. “Maybe you can help Ralph pick out a suit,” I said. “For the funeral this afternoon.”
Tessa looked at his shirt again. “Well, it’s evident he could use some fashion advice.” “You just don’t appreciate good taste,” Ralph muttered.
Then they left and Lien-hua slept and I let my thoughts meander back to the case.
Terry had been one of my best friends over the last three years.
He was one of the few people I really trusted, one of the few people who knew just how much Richard Basque bothered me, haunted me. In fact, Terry knew me better than almost anyone. But now I realized I’d never known him. Not really.
I heard Lien-hua stir. “Pat.” It was a relief to hear her speak.
“Shh,” I said. “The docs tell me you’re supposed to rest.”
“Some water.” Her voice was course but resolute. “Please.”
I brought a glass to her lips, and after a small swallow, she reached for my hand. As she took it, she spoke again, her words intense and urgent, but also tender, “Thank you for last night. For all you did.”
She was amazingly coherent for having just woken up. Maybe she’d been awake for a while but I hadn’t noticed. “You’re welcome,” I said.
A faint grin. “I always wanted two broken ribs.”
Well, at least her wit was on its way to recovery. “Don’t mention it.”
She took a thin breath. “Really, I wish I could find a way…” She swallowed some air. “To thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
“Maybe we can find a way that doesn’t require words,” I said.
And I wasn’t necessarily thinking of sign language.
That brought a smile. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. Anytime you need someone to give you mouth-to-mouth again, just let me know.”
Another smile, beautiful in its gentleness. “OK, I’ll do that.” She paused. “Margaret stopped by earlier.”
“Margaret Wellington? I don’t believe it.”
“She brought me a card-”
“Incredible.”
“And then told me I’m still suspended.” “What! No. I’m not going to let this happen.” I went for my cell phone but Lien-hua stopped me with a squeeze of her hand and a shake of her head. “Leave it for now. It’s OK. It’ll give me a chance to visit Redmond.”
Lien-hua had been born in Redmond, Washington. I wondered if that’s where her sister was buried. “Chu-hua?”
She nodded. “I think I’m finally ready. I need to set a new flower arrangement on her grave. One that catches a little more light.”
Then she asked for another sip of water, and after I’d given it to her, I realized there was one more thing I needed to say, but I wasn’t quite sure how to do it. Finally, I decided to just be straight with her and get it out in the open. “Listen, I need to tell you something.
For a short time I thought you might be Shade.” I held her hand lightly. “I’m sorry.”
I wondered if she would be upset or disappointed with me, and when she was slow to respond, I realized she probably was, but at last she whispered, “Don’t be sorry. You were only looking for the truth.”
“I know, but-”
“It’s OK. It’s who you are. It’s what you do.”
Hey, wait a minute. “Do you know, that’s almost exactly the same thing Tessa told me the other night? Have you two been sharing notes?”
She smiled slyly. “Maybe we just think alike.”
“That’s a scary thought.” I liked that she was still holding my hand. “So, still friends?”
She signed “yes” to me with the hand that held mine. And I signed back “thank you.”
“OK,” I said. “Now, you need to rest.”
“Wait. One more thing. In the room… the hotel room… when I taught you the alphabet, you remembered the letters, didn’t you?
The first time through?”
“Yes.” “But you stopped at Q, then M. Why?”
“Honestly?” I asked.
“Honestly.”
“I wanted the lesson to last as long as possible.”
“Hmm,” she said softly as she closed her eyes and relaxed back into her pillow. “Ulterior motives.”
“Guilty as charged.”
I held her hand and watched her drift back to sleep and wished I could do the same. Rest. Sleep. Relax. But as tired as I was, as much as the gunshot wound on my leg was bothering me, something else was at the forefront of my mind. Terry’s words: “I was just sent in to confirm it was there.”
Who sent you to the evidence room, Terry?