Sometimes she hated how well her sister knew her. Behind her prim, well-mannered exterior, she was sharply intelligent. She understood people, could work out what made them tick. She could look at Gracie and delve into the things she tried hardest to keep hidden.
“Out with it,” Emmaline demanded.
“I made a promise to Dad before he died.” She looked up at her older sister, the wave of grief crashing anew. It had been over a year already and she still missed him as though he’d only just gone.
“What promise?”
“That I would settle down, get married, and keep Mother happy.”
Tears prickled at her eyes. She’d made the promise when they were alone. Emmaline and their mother had taken a coffee break and Gracie had stayed back, holding her father’s hand and trying to bargain with the heavens for more time.
“So that explains the dating obsession.” Emmaline busied herself hunting through the kitchen cupboards until she found a crystal cake platter. She helped Gracie place the cake on the platter and stood back, admiring her handiwork for a moment before continuing. “You know he only wanted you to be happy.”
“And dating a guy who would drive Mother crazy is going to make me happy?” Gracie shook her head. “No, it’s going to make me miserable like it did last time and then he’ll leave anyway.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s happened once. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“If it’s not going to work out, then why don’t I set you up with one of Conrad’s friends?” Emmaline asked sweetly as she sliced the cake into perfect wedges.
The thought of being set up with one of his friends was nauseating, though she was sure her sister knew that.
“Ems, I’m fine. I shouldn’t have worried you with it.”
“You’re my sister. Of course you should worry me with these things.”
“I don’t understand what more Mother wants from me.” Heat rose to Gracie’s cheeks and spilled down her neck. “For god’s sake, it’s not like I’m out partying and getting into trouble. I just haven’t found the right guy yet.”
“Don’t get upset,” Emmaline said. Her voice was purposefully calming, a skill perfected from years of smoothing the friction between her youngest sister and their mother. “It was only a kiss. Wasn’t it?”
“I don’t know. I’m so confused.” Gracie shook her head. “I feel like I can’t keep the promise to Dad and go after what I want with Des.”
“Has trying to keep the promise worked so far?”
Gracie sighed. “No.”
“He would want you to be happy and let’s face it, no one is ever really going to please Mother.” Emmaline laughed. “That would be like setting yourself up for failure.”
“I have set myself up for failure.”
Emmaline nudged her with a bony elbow. “You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t try, at the very least.”
“Where did all this carpe diem advice come from?” Gracie gave her sister a squeeze. Emmaline was usually the voice of conservative reason, the sister more likely to fulfil Cecilia Greene’s wishes. For years Gracie had seen her older sister as a parrot of their mother, but lately she seemed to be distancing herself.
“I’m realizing that just because something pleases Mother doesn’t mean it’s right.” A strange undercurrent of emotion flickered in her eyes. “I guess what I’m saying is sometimes you have to trust your instincts instead of your head. Instead of your rules.”
Gracie laid a hand on her sister’s arm. “Is everything okay, Em?”
“Yes, of course.” The bright smile was immediately back in place. “I think you should go for it, that’s all.”
Gracie glanced out to the dining table where her mother sat. Cecilia had folded her hands in front of her, a frown pulling her thin lips into a harsh line and her cold blue eyes narrowed at something in the distance. She knew her mother loved her and Emmaline deep down… Unfortunately these days it felt so deep down that the love might not ever see the light of day again.
“You’re responsible for your own happiness,” Emmaline said, talking almost to herself. “Remember that.”
Gracie nodded.
“I think it’s time for some cake.” Emmaline picked up the cake platter and started towards the dining room.
“I have to go.” Gracie sighed. “This was enough family drama for one day.”
Emmaline frowned. “Don’t worry about settling down or about pleasing Mother. You need to please yourself. Promise?”
Gracie forced a smile and gave her sister a kiss on the cheek. Emmaline made it all sound so easy but Gracie knew she’d married to keep their mother happy. She hadn’t taken her own advice.
Maybe she wants you to avoid years of being married to someone chosen for the wrong reasons?
After feigning a problem at the office, Gracie caught the tram to the city. She’d intended to go home, but when First came into view she experienced the familiar gravitational pull. Des had called her a few days ago, but she’d let it go to voicemail and then she’d listened to it over and over to hear the bone-tingling baritone of his voice.
Gracie, he’d said. I won’t apologize for kissing you because I don’t regret it. But I can’t stand not talking to you. Please call me.
She had no idea what to say to him—she couldn’t possibly tell him that she’d woken in the middle of each night, hot with the memory of his kiss. She didn’t regret it either, and that was exactly the reason she hadn’t called him back.
The tram whooshed down the street. She hesitated before jumping up at the last minute to yank the signal chain. A bell dinged and the tram slowed to a stop.
“You’re a mess,” she muttered, stepping off the tram.
The sun beat down overhead. First looked full, not unusual for a Saturday afternoon, but this time it made her think twice about going inside. She could see Des through a huge window that ran along the length of the restaurant.
Her heart thudded as she hovered at the threshold. She was in her weekend clothes, her hair in a boring bun and her face bare. If she wanted to leave a positive impression on Des this probably wasn’t the way to go about it.
But she couldn’t leave. Somehow, she’d crossed a line and something told her there was no going back.
You don’t have to do this. You can walk away. You don’t have to come here ever again.
The thought of not returning to First and seeing Des again made her stomach plummet. Emmaline’s words swirled in her mind: don’t worry about settling down…you need to please yourself.
If she was being honest with herself, none of the dates she’d been on in the last year had pleased her. The guys were stuffy, boring. There was no zing. No tingle of anticipation, just an overwhelming feeling of here we go again. Wasn’t it about time she did something for herself? Hadn’t she earned it?
Tomorrow she could go back to being rule-abiding, responsible, good-girl Gracie. Tonight she wanted to be bad. She wanted to break the rules and throw everything she knew out the window.
Tonight she wanted Des.
Chapter Five
He had to keep his hands busy, and serving drinks at First on a Saturday afternoon was the ticket. If he didn’t distract himself, he was at severe risk of calling Gracie again and leaving another gruff, pointless voicemail. Not that it mattered—she hadn’t returned the first one, so why would she return a second?
Reaching for a bottle of tequila, Des poured a row of five shots for a group of girls in matching pink T-shirts. The bachelorette party was already looking messy, and one of the girls winked suggestively at him as he slid the shots over to their side of the bar. The other men ogled the girls in their tighter-than-tight T-shirts and matching skin-tight jeans, but all he could think was how none of them held a candle to Gracie.