I didn’t, but my body ached so much from the lengthy immobilization that I took his hand and stood for the first time in days. Dizziness rolled into my head, but eventually I nodded to Micah that I was okay. He led me across the room to a chair situated next to a full-length mirror. “Sit here. Just get used to being upright for a while.”
I knew what he was doing. He wanted me to get used to my face, and to seeing myself the way the world now saw me. He swiveled the chair on its casters so I was in front of the mirror, and pulled a nearby table forward. Then he did something completely unexpected. Lifting a brush from the drawer inside the table, he began to comb through my hair.
How could a large man have such a gentle touch?
“I knew your mother, you know,” he remarked, ignoring the way I stiffened. He just continued to brush gently from the ends of my hair to the roots, curling each section softly around his fingers before laying them aside. My eyes drifted away from my face and I began to see the dance of his fingers, that inborn surgeon’s skill. “You’re a lot like her, actually. You have the same cheekbones…well, had. Anyway,” he hurried on when I frowned, “your mother was gorgeous. And deadly. She could do things with a combat cane that I never saw before, or since. To tell the truth, I had a bit of a crush on her. We all did, I think.”
I still said nothing.
“She gave up everything to infiltrate the Shadow Zodiac through Xavier. It’d be a shame to have all that work go to waste now.”
I shook my head, causing the waves he’d just set about my face to tumble this way and that. You don’t understand what you’re asking, I wanted to say. I couldn’t face the world like this. Olivia was born feminine and soft. I was about as pliable as new leather. Instead, I muttered, “I don’t know how to be a superhero.”
Micah smiled gently at that. “Nobody’s born knowing how. We’re just born with specific gifts. Think of the things you’re naturally good at, those that you loved to do as a child. When a new recruit begins his or her training, we build on those gifts. Eventually they develop into weapons, and those can be used against the enemy.”
“Are there that many ways to kill a Shadow agent?”
Piling my hair upon my head, pinning strands here and there in a close imitation of Brigitte Bardot, he hummed, a melancholy sound that resonated throughout his entire wide body. “About as many ways as there are to die.”
But death was easy, I thought, watching him. No more than a mere breath away. As close yet as distant as a stranger in your bed. Like my real parents. “Is my birth father really trying to kill my mother?” I asked Micah.
“I’m not sure I’m the one who should be telling you this,” he murmured, eyes on his fingers. “What exactly has Warren told you about your birth father?”
“Only that I was born on both his and my mother’s birthday, which makes me unique somehow. And that he’s the leader of the Shadow side of the Zodiac. Our enemies.”
Micah nodded. “And he’s a powerful leader too. Before him we had no problem balancing the Zodiac. We were practically invincible.”
“What makes him so different?”
“He’s a Tulpa.” At my blank look, he shook his head. “Cripes, you really don’t know anything, do you? A Tulpa. A person who’s been created rather than birthed.”
Images of the Tin Man and the Scarecrow flashed through my head. Then a rib being pulled from a man’s side, the man himself formed with clay. “Created how?”
“Someone imagined him into being.”
I stared at him wordlessly.
“I know,” Micah said, holding up a hand, “it’s not something our western culture can easily understand but the eastern philosophers accept it readily as fact. Think about it. Take someone with the concentration of a Tibetan monk. Now have that person apply all his thought and energy into visualizing a being. The power of a disciplined mind is so profound, so mighty, that it can actually imagine that being into existence. That entity becomes their Tulpa.”
“But…you can’t imagine a person into existence. It’s not possible.”
“Sure it is. That’s the power of the mind, isn’t it? What you tell yourself is true becomes true for you. We all have the power to create in one form or another.”
I thought of painters, writers, mothers. “Yeah, but not everybody uses it.”
“Ah, but this person did use it, and he used it for evil. He imagined a being both strong and wicked. One strong enough to rule a group of nefarious beings as instructed, with no question or conscience. But the creator didn’t count on one thing.”
“What?”
Micah smiled wryly. “Once the Tulpa gained enough clarity and substance in the originator’s mind, it became independent. It took on a form and personality of its choosing, then began acting out of its own consciousness. Began ruling and doing as he liked.”
“But who would imagine such a thing in the first place? And why?” I asked, earning myself a look of ironic amusement.
“Why is simple. Power. Immortality. If you can create a living being out of nothing more than the gray matter in your mind, knowing that if you just give it enough substance it’ll live forever, then a part of you will live forever as well.
“As for who?” Micah chuckled humorlessly. “Well, that was the million-dollar question. The great mystery of our world. The axis upon which all our fates hinged. It was the mystery your mother was intent upon figuring out.”
And she had. It took her years to do it, but eventually she came upon a mortal named Wyatt Neelson, a westerner who was a fervent student of Tibetan lore. However, he hadn’t limited himself to Tibetan studies, or Buddhism, but was a self-taught student of all world religions. His original goal was to create his own religion, an amalgamation of those things he most fervently believed in.
Very Jim Jones of him, I thought wryly as Micah went on.
“But then he got distracted by the idea of a Tulpa. I mean, why coerce, convince, and hope that people will follow you when you can create a being who will compel, even force, them to do so?”
Why, indeed. So Mr. Neelson set about creating an entity that wouldn’t age, and couldn’t be killed—a god among mortals. He figured it’d be much easier to convince people to give in to their weaker natures—hate, lust, greed…all of the seven deadlies—than to convince them to do good. He quit studying the religious doctrines and focused solely on meditation, harnessing the power of his mind, dedicating fifteen years of his life to creating the Tulpa.
“See, we don’t know if the Tulpa can be killed—we haven’t found a way yet, at least—but Zoe thought if we could somehow kill its creator, maybe it would sever any lingering power between the two of them. Create a gap. We could then act upon any resulting weakness, infiltrate the Shadow organization or kill the Tulpa outright.”
“So my mother got close to this Tulpa in order to find out who his creator was?”
“She spent years gaining his trust, concealing her identity, masking her scent. It wasn’t easy, but she was dogged.” Micah shook his head in admiration. “So convincing that sometimes even we wondered whose side she was on. Yet, she always came through with some small bit of information that would give us an edge, or stop an attack, or save a Zodiac member’s life along the way.”
“She was gaining his trust.”
“Getting in tight.” Micah nodded behind me. “And she used whatever means she had to in order to get there.”
Including her body. “He never thought his greatest enemy would be in bed with him.”
“Most men wouldn’t.” Micah placed his hands on my shoulders, causing me to look up and meet his eye. “Don’t think she didn’t love you, Jo. You wanted to know who your father is, and I’m telling you. He’s pure, unfiltered evil.” I flinched. “But he bedded down with pure goodness and didn’t even know it. She had the option to rid herself of the pregnancy, but even knowing that keeping you would risk everything she’d worked for, she didn’t. She wanted you. More, even, than she wanted him.”