She shook her head, closed her eyes, and stood. My hand fell to her wrist and I held her, waiting for her to respond to this one question I needed to be answered.
“Brian . . .” Her eyes shone with pain when they met mine. “Don’t. If you want this to work, just don’t.” She wrapped the sheets around her body and darted to the bathroom.
As I sat up, my gaze dropped to the floor and I ran one hand down my face, releasing a heavy sigh. I had no idea what the bastard looked like, but I somehow formed a face in my mind. His evil eyes, his cruel mouth, a bottomless pit of a soul. I’d never wanted to punch something, someone, anything, so badly. But I needed to keep myself in check.
My lips pinched together as I reminded myself of my place in Kendy’s life and our arrangement. I needed to lay off. This was her business, and I wasn’t in any position to pry.
Problem was, could I?
Knowing me, it would be a hard feat to accomplish.
***
KENDY
I flipped onto my stomach and then onto my back for the hundredth time, restless. Brian had left my place over five hours ago, and still I couldn’t fall asleep.
I shut my eyes tightly, only seeing darkness, but my heart was pounding loudly in my chest, as though I’d run a race. Brian’s concerned tone was ringing in my ears like a broken record.
What happened? Who hurt you?
After another minute, I shook my head and sat up, trying to push memories of Cole down to the hidden chambers of my brain, where I always kept him locked up.
Cole was the first guy I’d been in love with. The man I not only gave my virginity to, but the one I’d thought I was going to marry. I could still picture his sugar brown hair and eyes as light as honey. He’d swooped me up and made me his in a matter of weeks.
I’d thought he was it. Everyone thought we were it. The first time we made love, he’d rented a motel room and lit up the room with candles. I wasn’t his first, but he was definitely mine. First love, first sexual partner, first everything.
The night had been perfect, unlike my friends, who lost their virginity in the back of a pick-up truck. I’d assumed I was going to be one of those girls who married her high school sweetheart, and that was fine by me.
The first six months were bliss, absolute bliss. We hadn’t fought at all. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I’d thought our love would last forever.
But slowly, I had witnessed his eyes straying. He’d become distant. And the more distant he’d become, the more jealous I became. Sweet Kendy had turned into bitchy, jealous Kendy.
I should’ve trusted my gut, because one night, when he said he’d be at the diner, I showed up. He was nowhere to be seen, but I had found a bunch of his football buddies chilling against the pool table. I’d searched the vicinity and walked outside, noting his truck in the parking lot. I’d found him in the back of his truck, pants down and Clary’s mouth on his cock.
I had cried for ages in Beth’s arms. I thought I’d never mend my broken heart, but cheating was one thing I would never, ever condone.
I didn’t want to be my mother, and in our small town of Bowlesville, history did repeat itself. It was a known fact that if I had married Cole, I’d be waiting for him to come home, just as my mother had waited for my father year after year. She had turned the other cheek, even when the stench of another woman had been heavy on my father’s jacket. She’d lived a life of one-way love, and that was not how I was going to live. Not one bit.
I should’ve known better. That wasn’t love. Lust was temporary, and only true love lasts forever.
I shuddered as more memories rushed to the surface. He had stiffened, cussed her out, and shoved her off him. Then he’d chased me, begging me to believe it was all her, that she had initiated it. I’d fought him, even though he’d tried to hold me against him, continuing to use lies to calm me. But I needed my space away from him.
Unfortunately, he’d felt differently. I’d seen a different side of him—a frightening side I never knew existed.
Pulling the pillow over my head, I let out a loud scream. Then I threw the pillow to the floor, staring intently at the popcorn ceiling above me, trying to focus on anything other than my past.
I’d done so well not bringing up memories of Cole, until recently.
When would this madness end? It’d been years.
I glanced at the digital clock on my side table. It was six in the morning, and I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. Great. Now I’d be dead on my feet for my shift at seven. I should fit in a nap in between. If I could only force my mind to stop . . . to turn off my thoughts.
I bit my pinky nail, debating whether I should call the only person who knew what had happened that night. My fingers trembled as I reached for my cell.
She picked up on the third ring. “Kendy?” Beth’s groggy voice filtered through the phone. “What time is it?” She exhaled a heavy yawn.
“Six my time.”
“Are you at work?”
“No . . .” I paused, feeling silly and sagged against my comforter, the tension easing just at the sound of her voice.
“Everything okay?”
I remained silent, wondering how I would tell her I was now doing the guy she used to date. I doubted she’d care, but I also doubted her ability to understand our mutual arrangement.
I let out an exaggerated sigh and continued to chew my pinky nail.
“I know something’s wrong. Spill it.”
I heard the rustle of sheets and a door shutting. She must’ve left Kent sleeping in their bed.
I let my head hit my mattress, threw my arm over my eyes, and started rambling. “Remember, I went out this past weekend to a club I knew Dr. Hot Pants would end up at?”
“Yeah,” she said, prompting me to move on.
I let it out in one breath without gulping for air. “Well, he left with a redhead, which pissed me off, and let’s not go into the fact that he left with a different woman last weekend. So I had this bright idea—because I always get bright ideas—that I’d use Brian to make him jealous. But when Dr. Klein left with that woman, one thing led to another with Brian and, before I knew it, we were a little tipsy. But still, holy mother of God . . . it was the most raw, animalistic sex I’ve had . . . ever. And it’s been great . . . until I almost mentioned Cole last night, and now it’s not that great.”
My body relaxed as I let out a low laugh. “Oh gosh, I feel better already.” Maybe all I needed was to vomit all that pent-up emotion to my best friend.
I had stunned her into silence because she didn’t say a word. I listened to her breathing and waited for her to respond.
“Beth, are you there? Where did I lose you? Before or after the animalistic sex?” I started to laugh until . . .
“How does he know about Cole?” she asked carefully.
The corners of my mouth pulled down at the sound of that bastard’s name. My chest tightened as I twisted the edge of my covers between my fingertips, wondering why I’d almost slipped about the one thing I never slipped about. “I started to tell him . . . but I didn’t finish. He just guessed. He knows something’s wrong with me.”
Of course he does. Is it so obvious that I’m damaged goods? The only thing I’ve ever held onto was a stable job. Everything else has gone to shit. My father. All men after Cole.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. You did nothing wrong,” she said sternly.
But if her words were true, then why couldn’t I get over it? Why couldn’t I move on?
She let out a frustrated sigh. “What’re you doing, Kendy?” Her tone turned accusatory, which I didn’t appreciate.
“Having fun,” I snapped back, feeling my blood pressure rise.
“Don’t you have your sights set on that doctor?”
My insides heated at the tone in her voice. “So?” I sassed. “Brian knows. What we’re doing is mutual.”