And then—explosion.
I saw damn stars behind my eyes as he transported me to another planet. We came down together and, as he stilled and collapsed on top of me, I held him against my body, wrapping my legs around his waist in a tight vise, never wanting to be disconnected from him, ever.
Keeping us whole.
Keeping us one.
Keeping us together.
SEVENTEEN
KENDY
His arms were draped across my waist, and I watched the moonlight from the window cascade shadows on his face. I kept silent, watching him sleep soundly beside me as his eyelashes fluttered over his cheek when he exhaled.
Everything had changed tonight. I felt it when we touched, when he moved inside me. I’d been here once with Cole, but that had been before he’d taken my free will and forever changed my thoughts about love.
After that painful time in my life, I had sworn to never let a man control me, my body, or how I felt about anything. I was my own and would be no one else’s until I gave myself away in marriage. To James. Or so I’d thought.
Until tonight . . .
Doubts still plagued me. About my future. About Evangeline’s predictions.
Chaos ruled my mind and my heart, because tonight, something had happened between Brian and me. I’d relinquished control. I hadn’t held back. I’d let him have me, touching my heart in a place I’d locked up for a long time. And I didn’t know why.
Maybe it was him—his gentle spirit and his kindness, that was breaking free the exterior I’d spent a lifetime building up.
And though I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t anymore without lying to myself. I was in love with him. It felt foreign to admit that to myself, but it was true.
I touched my temple while closing my eyes, trying to reign in my thoughts and steady myself. With him, all my sanity flew out the door.
I had to remind myself that what I’d had in the past wasn’t normal, wasn’t real. This was real. History had tainted my view on life. I’d always treaded on the cautious side of being happy. Once I let myself feel happiness, I was always suddenly afraid things were too good to be true and all would come crashing down.
Not this time.
This was how love was supposed to be—uncontrollable, undeniable. I was in love with this man, and he loved me.
Let yourself be happy, Kendy. You deserve it.
Brian is no Cole.
My phone vibrated in my purse on the floor. I sat up as my eyes raked in the smexy man next to me—my man. I tilted toward him, mere inches from his face, and inhaled deeply before placing a light kiss on his lips.
As I reached for my phone, my pulse quickened when I saw fifteen missed calls and five missed texts from my mama. My adrenaline spiked and the worst possible thoughts crossed my mind. I hoped she was okay.
I swiped my finger against the screen, revealing a text.
Mom: Hanky Panky proposed and I accepted. Wanted my favorite girl to be the first to know. Call me back, Sweetie.
The words should’ve had me elated, but I wasn’t. I mean, I was. For her . . .
I went back and read the text.
Again.
And again, but more slowly.
My heartbeat thudded in my ears, and I squeezed the phone in my hand as hot tears prickled my eyes. Maybe if I stared at the text long enough, the message would read something different. But it didn’t.
Evangeline had predicted that my mama would remarry. It was the second to last prediction. The last was my prediction, the one which had led me to James, the man who’d given me the moon, the man I was supposed to live my happily-ever-after with.
My insides suddenly crumbled as the reality of it all slapped me in the face. Hot tears coursed down my cheeks, and I gulped down small breaths to minimize my cries. This was it, the finality of it all.
There was what I wanted in life, and then there was fate. It was as though fate was laughing in my face, telling me that my life was already predestined to follow a certain path. This final prediction foretold the guy to give me the moon, and that he would set me free. Brian was never it. He was never supposed to be.
My hands trembled at my side, hating this, hating Evangeline. I had once thought her predictions were a blessing which used to give me hope and peace, knowing the outcome of my life. Now, those predictions were my own living curse.
I stared at the handsome man sleeping soundly beside me, and closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling.
And then I saw him.
Cole.
Behind the darkness.
I would never be free of him.
My hands began to sweat as a nervous, gut-wrenching sensation came over me, and I suddenly felt the walls were closing in, a feeling of claustrophobia hitting me.
I needed fresh air.
I needed to leave.
Now.
I pushed myself off the bed, careful not to wake him. Then I reached for my clothes and slipped them on. Turning, I risked one more glance at his beautiful face, taking in the features I’d memorized over the weeks we’d spent together.
God, was he gorgeous, but even more beautiful on the inside than he was on the outside. Who’d have thought I would fall for Brian? It was a mystery, even to me.
But then, it’s not such a huge surprise. Nice guys are the best ones. The ones you fall for, the ones you marry.
At that thought, the tears started anew. I had to get out of here. I didn’t know if it was because I was in close proximity to Brian or if I was losing control of this life, that had already been planned out for me by Evangeline’s predictions. Either way, I couldn’t deal with the enormity of the one prediction that I no longer wanted to come true. The prediction that controlled my life and only heightened my fear of relationships, crippling me from making any decisions on my own. Any semblance of control on my life seemed like it was slipping, and I knew I would fall apart if I didn’t gain it back.
As I tiptoed out of his room, a heavy sadness washed over me.
Bending down, I planted a kiss on his cheek as my vision blurred from my tears. I rubbed the heel of my palm against my chest and used all my strength to keep myself upright as sobs wracked my body.
“Goodbye, Brian.” My voice quivered as I spoke, while my world bottomed out and despair swallowed me whole.
I awarded myself one last look then turned to leave.
This was it.
The end.
***
I rushed into my apartment and jumped into bed, desperate for the comfort and normalcy of my own place—the scent of citrus candles in my apartment, the softness of my down pillows, and the comfort of my own mattress.
But even in my own home, my thoughts were occupied by the man I had left soundly sleeping in his bed.
The thoughts of Brian were overwhelming me. Though he wasn’t here, his presence still lingered.
My eyes focused on my couch that we’d made love, the kitchen where he’d attempted to make me an upgraded version of my mama’s hot cocoa, just because it reminded me of home, and the empty bottle of wine he’d brought before our date.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, rocking back and forth, and stared at the phone by my foot, knowing I had to call my mother. But I couldn’t. Not now.
Picking up the phone, I chucked it off the bed and it fell onto my hardwood floor. I clenched my eyes tightly, wishing I would see anything other than Cole.
When I had caught him cheating on me, I knew it was over, that I needed to break up with his ass, and move the hell on. So I’d showed up to his place. I’d wanted to show I was mature and properly break up with him, as I would’ve liked someone to break up with me.
Cole wouldn’t have it. He’d torn his room apart in the process of trying to explain to me that nothing had happened. When I’d tried to leave, he’d pulled me to him and kissed me hard.