“I thought you’d be happier to hear my news report. What’s wrong with you?” She quirked an eyebrow, taking in my hunched posture.
“Well, there’s kind of a party going on in my brain. These little drummer boys are in competition with who can be the loudest.”
“Cheer up.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “Your Dr. Hot Pants is on the market,” she swooned. “And I’m pretty positive you’re next on his list.”
“That’s great,” I said with no inflection in my voice.
She angled toward me as if there was some big secret that no one should know about, which was odd, because there was no one in our vicinity. “He’s interested in you,” she said with a sly grin. “I’m so sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“He asked if you were seeing someone and I specifically told him no. You were free as a bird, ready to fly and soar and get married. I told him you were sweet as pie and talked you up,” she squealed, her eyes brightening. “He’s been asking about you nonstop.”
I pressed my thumbs harder to my temple. Her pitch was only intensifying the pounding, so I shut her out. She kept talking and talking, but I didn’t hear anything. I only saw Brian in my head. Brian’s smile. His blue eyes staring down at me.
Sarah snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Hello. Earth to Kendall. Are you listening to me? He’s going to ask you out.”
I dropped my head, focusing on the floor. The little drummer boy pounding in my brain was turning into a Marine firing a machine gun.
What was wrong with me? This was what I had wanted. This was what I had planned out, what the psychic had predicted. The answer was laid out in front of me, clear as day. So why was I so conflicted?
There was an emptiness in the pit of my belly, and I knew it had everything to do with Brian. I raised my head and squinted up at her. “I don’t know what I want anymore.” My voice was soft as the truth finally leaked out.
Her mouth flew open, wide enough for a fly to pass through. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged, shocking myself with what I was about to say. “I’m just not sure if he’s it anymore.”
Sarah stalked to the other side of me and filled up a cup with water. She pushed the Styrofoam toward my face and held out a Tylenol she’d dug from her pocket. “Take it. I think your headache is interfering with your ability to think clearly.”
I did as I was told because I needed the headache gone, but that wasn’t what was hindering my thinking. Not all of it, anyway.
“James Klein, the hottest man in the universe, who also happens to be a doctor, is going to ask you out.” She tilted in, her face stern. “Don’t make my efforts go to waste.”
I reeled back, wondering how sweet Sarah had been replaced with this pushy chick from Jersey.
But her face softened a moment later. “I’m just saying.” She placed her hand on top of my arm. “You asked me to help you land him, right? Well, here I am, helping you. He’s doing rounds around ten. Just do what you regularly do. I’m sure he’ll be excited to see you. It’s perfect.”
I didn’t answer her. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep, forget about all the chaos ringing through my head and in my heart.
“He gave you the moon, remember?” she whispered conspiratorially. “Your soul mate, as that psychic once put it.”
All I could do was nod. Before, all I had wanted, all I had wished for, was a chance with him, and it looked like I was going to get it.
But did I want it?
***
It was a slow night. Not a lot of patients with broken arms or gunshot wounds. Not that I was hoping for either, but I needed something to keep my mind off of things, and blood always seemed to help occupy me.
I watched James pace back and forth around the nurses’ station. It was as if he was purposely trying to get my attention. In normal circumstances, I’d be up and out of my seat, giddy at the thought of him noticing me. At one time, I would’ve craved any bit of attention he would throw my way. Now I felt blasé about it. I didn’t care anymore.
I sat in the chair, rested my elbows at the edge of the desk, and stared blankly at my computer screen. I was bored out of my mind as I waited for my next patient. When James finally approached the desk, I smiled up at him, feeling polite but nothing else.
It was funny. Odd. Almost freaky. Just a couple weeks ago, I’d been like a teenage girl with butterflies whenever he was around. I groaned internally at the irony of my life.
I wished I could just get this over with, fast forward five years to see where I’d be. I wanted to confirm I’d be as happy with him as Evangeline had predicted because with all that Beth had said about futures changing and all my feelings for Brian bubbling to the surface, I had major doubts.
I looked away from his hopeful grin. If he was going to ask me out, let him do it. If not, I vowed to remain celibate with my vibrator for life. No complications. No expectations. Me and my energizer bunny, that never told me he was tired, unless the batteries ran out.
When James walked away, I huffed out a sigh and went back to my computer screen, charting my last patient. After ten minutes, I headed to the coffee machine. I felt his presence behind me before I even turned around. When I moved to face him, he threw me his winning smile, the one that used to make my heart pitter-patter and my knees go wobbly.
But as I stared up at him, I started to notice everything Brian had pointed out, things I had never spotted before because I was too infatuated with a guy I hardly knew, a guy I had put up on a pedestal.
He awkwardly rested his hip against the counter where the coffee machine was stationed, not at all suave. He looked uncomfortable—stiff. Just thinking of that word made me laugh internally.
“Slow night,” he remarked with a forced coolness that made me believe he’d never once been cool.
Disappointment seeped into me. It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I’d thought he was the epitome of the perfect man. But he was only a character I’d made up in my head.
His eyes roamed my face then drifted to the curvature of my breasts. If this had happened even last week, his look alone would’ve probably given me goose bumps. But it didn’t today. Slowly, I crossed my arms over my chest so he’d stop undressing me with his eyes. My boobs weren’t his to look at.
“Dr. Chan is already down here. I’m wondering if I should go home,” he said, his eyes still on my chest.
Rude much?
I didn’t answer. Instead, I just closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. I pictured us buck naked, doing it like rabbits as I had imagined so many times before.
“Hey,” he said, “I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner. Me and you. On a date. I checked your schedule and we’re both free Friday night.”
A date?
Brian’s face popped into my mind, and my mouth went dry. I felt sick.
When I opened my eyes, I forced a smile for his benefit and mentally cursed Brian for ruining something that was supposed to be perfect.
This was Karma biting me in my sweet ass because every time I closed my eyes, I knew he was the only man I’d see.
Being with Brian had ruined me for eternity.
***
For four days, I avoided Brian’s calls and texts like a dark alley in the ghetto. It felt like an eternity since we’d seen each other, and I was willing to keep that going. It would be easier to pretend we never happened.
All was going as planned until Thursday night, when I walked up to my apartment and saw him in front of my door.
He was hunched over, sitting on the floor. His legs were stretched out in front of him, his Cubs hat drawn low, so I couldn’t see his eyes. I stopped moving as a flood of emotions engulfed me, a dizzying current racing through my veins. Damn, I’d missed him.
There was no denying it as my heart raced in my chest. There was this pull, this energy forcing me toward him. It took all my self-control, all my power, to remain a few steps away.