When he saw me, he pushed himself off the floor. “Hey,” he said as he lifted his cap.
“Hey,” I replied softly.
He pointed to a traveler’s mug on the floor. “Hot cocoa,” he murmured. “Since you missed the opportunity to taste it the other night . . . I tried to perfect it at home.”
I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek.
How much more perfect can this guy get?
When our eyes locked, there was such sadness in the span of blue looking down at me, and I knew I was the bitch who’d put it there. It hadn’t been intentional. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him.
When he stepped forward, I took a step back. The hurt in his eyes intensified, and my gaze dropped to the floor as a nauseating feeling of despair began to take over. I couldn’t bear to see all the pain I’d caused him without breaking down myself.
When he reached for me, I pulled away, putting even more distance between us. If he touched me, I’d cave. I’d lose all resolve, and I wasn’t sure I could give myself to him, lose myself completely.
“We need to talk,” he said firmly.
I nodded once and inserted my key in the door before stepping inside. He followed right behind me. I dropped my purse on the floor, fidgeted with the edge of my scrubs, and backed up against the wall. All my defenses were up because I was scared shitless.
Right now, I needed an absolute guarantee that our story would end happily, and Brian couldn’t give me that. I couldn’t stand another heartbreak. My breakup with Cole had severed my heart and tore me down. I wouldn’t be able to live through another failed relationship again. Would I even be able to trust Brian completely after all I’d been through? That wasn’t fair to Brian, either. Brian was no Cole, but how could I overcome this?
All I knew was I had to protect my heart, the beating organ, which pumped life into every vital part of my body. If I couldn’t protect my own self, who would?
I crossed my arms over my chest, placing another barrier between us. My lip quivered as I forced up the shield I was so used to.
He approached me, but I couldn’t retreat any farther. I was already backed against the wall. His presence blanketed me and bombarded my senses, which only reminded me how much I longed for him.
He was a foot away now, and my fingers twitched at my sides, yearning to touch him. With one more step, he closed the gap between us and cupped the side of my face. Heat spread through my body, and I didn’t pull away this time because I wanted to feel his hands on me. Though I knew it would only be temporary and painful when it was over, I’d deal with that later, because I needed the now so much more.
I was a puddle of mush against his touch, the shield crashing down. My self-control slipped. I was losing the inner battle between my heart and my mind. With his other hand, he reached for my arm, forcing me to uncross them as he stepped into me.
Emotions rushed to the surface as my breathing became labored. He frightened me beyond belief. I’d never felt so vulnerable, like I could crumble between his fingertips. Problem was, I yearned for him so badly, and there was nothing I could do to stop my heart from wanting what it wanted.
I rested my cheek in his hand as exhaustion hit. For once, I wished I could relinquish control of a life I used to be so sure of. And I wanted Brian to take the lead.
But then my jaw tensed as my messed up thoughts brought me back to Cole, the way I’d let him in, let myself become vulnerable, and, ultimately, he’d broken me. My father and Cole had crushed any semblance of hope I’d had in any other man.
Brian made me feel the way Cole did, but worse. I felt naked in front of him, even when I was fully clothed. He could see the damaged me, not just the spunky, fun Kendy, but he’d also seen all my broken pieces. He knew my past about my father, and about my tormented, violent history with Cole, and yet . . . he was here, with me.
He ran his thumb lightly down my cheek, and I tilted into his palm. Being this close to him was a living contradiction. There was a direct pull between my brain and my heart. My heart melted at the look in his eyes, yet I was torn, knowing I needed to stay away.
He pulled me into him, and I let him, again.
Because I was weak, and he was my kryptonite.
He lifted my chin, his eyes telling me all I needed to know. I swallowed, heat forming behind my eyes. I wanted to tell him he frightened me, that what was happening between us scared the shit out of me, but I didn’t, because I was on the verge of tears.
He bent down and kissed my lips, so softly, so sweetly, as though he was breathing all his emotions into me, then he pulled back. “I love you,” he said with so much intensity all his sincerity poured into those three words.
And then it was over.
I broke down in front of him. Big, fat tears spilled down my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in front of anyone other than Beth before, but I couldn’t seem to stop.
I trembled in his arms, but his hold only tightened as he rested his forehead against mine. He knew I was shattering. “I know you’re scared, but I’m never going to hurt you. I promise.”
I wanted to believe him. For once, I wanted to believe and put my trust in a man and know he wouldn’t fail me.
“I’m not him,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. “I want to be with you. I love you, baby. Don’t push me away. Please let me in.”
I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. Why was it so damn hard?
“Look at me, Kendy.”
When I opened my eyes, I could see his heart in the blue of his eyes.
“The best thing about this—about us—is falling,” he whispered. “Fall back, baby, and know I’m never going to let you hit the ground.” He wiped my tears with his thumbs. “I want you to pick me. I want to take care of you, be your ‘it’ guy. If you want the moon, I’ll give you the moon. I’ll give you twenty fucking moons, if that’s what you want,” he said lightly, even though the moment was serious. “Your psychic predicted he’d give you the moon, but I’d give you the moon, the stars, the universe, and everything in it. Everything you want. I want to be the man to give it to you.”
It was all too much. Me crying, his words, his presence. I swiped at my cheeks, trying to dry my tears. I tried moving away from him, but he reached for my hand, stilling me in my spot.
His jaw was set, his mind made up. “This is where everything changes. Where I make it change. In this story, the good guy doesn’t finish last. This is where he gets the girl he wants, the one he’s in love with. I’m not walking away this time. Not when you’re it for me.”
I sniffled and took a deep breath, searching his face. My feet were on solid ground, yet I felt unsteady. Brian had done this to me, just by being himself. He’d broken down my defenses, made me feel helpless, uncovered, and susceptible to anything.
All I wanted was to be whole, to know I’d be happy and in love, with four children and grandbabies for my mama.
Sarah’s words rang loudly in my head. Once again, my stomach sunk to the floor when thoughts of the commitment I’d made to James tomorrow resurfaced. How did I know this other guy wasn’t it? All I wanted was a chance with James, and now that I had it, I no longer wanted it.
It slipped out before I could bite it back. “I have a date with James tomorrow.”
The hope on his face disintegrated as he clenched his jaw. “Tell me you feel nothing. Right now. Tell me you don’t feel what I feel between us.”
It was a challenge. He knew. He could see it in my eyes, feel it in the way I couldn’t turn away from him.
My mouth went dry, and I looked away. “I don’t have feelings for you.” My voice came out strong. Not just because I wanted him to believe me, but because I wanted to believe me. It would be easier on both of us.
“Bullshit!” he snapped.