Looking at his brown eyes, which matched his dark hair, I wondered what our future would hold. Would it always be like this? Him talking about himself and me biting my tongue, which was so unlike me?
“So tell me about your parents,” I said, interrupting him mid-sentence.
His eyebrows pulled together, like he was confused. My question was simple enough. At least, I thought so.
“We’re estranged,” he replied.
A soft gasp escaped me as my eyes widened. Estranged? Why?
Great. Now my babies would only have my mom as grandma.
“Both parents?” I asked, hoping maybe it was just one.
“Yeah.” He looked uncomfortable, but I needed to know his background, so I pressed on.
“What happened?”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’d rather not talk about it. They’ve been trying to reach out, but I’ve been way too busy. Plus, we were never that close.”
I lifted an eyebrow, trying to read any sadness in his eyes. I saw none. Suddenly, any hope of this date panning out crashed, burned, and died. It was over. A man who didn’t appreciate his own parents was a deal breaker. Done.
He continued to talk about himself again, but I tuned him out, not breaking my sullen daze until he asked about Brian.
“Was that guy I saw you with the other night your boyfriend?” His tone turned lightly suspicious.
I flinched, not sure how to answer. No one had ever asked me to explain my relationship with Brian, even though it had been brief.
“No,” I answered and, when that one word left my mouth, the pang in the center of my chest resurfaced.
I wasn’t about to divulge how we had been doing the friends with benefits thing, but it had become so much more toward the end. More than I ever imagined it could be.
Well, whatever it had been when we’d started, it was nothing now. We weren’t even on talking terms.
“That’s good.” He looked relieved as he grabbed my hand. “I’ve had my eye on you for a while.”
Oh really? I wanted to ask, but I bit down on my tongue before my smartass mouth started flying off. I wondered if he’d noticed me before he’d left with the girl at the bar. I wondered if he’d noticed me the first time or second time when he’d left with someone else.
“Have you ever had a long term relationship before?” I sassed. “It doesn’t seem like you’re ready for anything serious.”
I hadn’t even fazed him. “I’m looking for something serious, but haven’t found the right woman yet.” His words sounded memorized, and I wondered how many women he’d used this one-liner on. More importantly, how many women had fallen for it?
“But you know, maybe I’m looking at her,” he said with a cheesy wink.
I blinked, unable to form words or even give him a reaction. As I stared at him, it hit me, the reality of my life. How strong I’d thought I was, yet so very afraid. How I had been living according to what had not even happened yet. And staring into James eyes, I knew we could never be. Ever. Not in a million years. Not even when the stars aligned.
If we ended up together, I’d still see Brian as the man, the one who got away. Because Brian owned my heart. There was no way anyone else could have me, because he owned me, had captured my heart in a matter of weeks.
I came to the realization there was reality and there was fantasy. And wanting a life with Dr. Hot Pants—though I didn’t think he was so hot, now that I was getting to know him—had been a total fantasy. I’d become so obsessed with the psychic’s predictions that I’d been blind to the truth.
And the truth was that I was madly and undeniably in love with someone else—Brian.
I scrunched my eyebrows together and tilted my head, wondering why on earth I’d ever thought I could feel anything for James. I needed to learn from my past, know that I would never let someone else control my life. I needed to live in the present and face my feelings.
As a plan formulated in my mind, a foreign sensation surfaced—hope. I found I suddenly had hope for the future, real promise for the first time in a very long time.
I only hoped that future included Brian.
***
At the end of dinner, we stepped outside into the humid night. A smile ruffled my mouth as I finally realized what I needed to do.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stop by my place for late-night drinks?” His face turned hopeful as he displayed a cheesy grin.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s been a long day,” I replied politely, though inside I was screaming for freedom from this date so I could forge ahead with my plan.
His face turned sour, but he nodded.
I told him I would take a cab home, making an excuse about being really tired, though I was anything but. My insides were itching to get to the man I was in love with.
James reached for a hug, and I complied. I was glad he didn’t try for a goodnight kiss because I would’ve turned around, and the rejection wouldn’t have been cute.
“I had a great night, Kendall.”
“Me too.” Though James wasn’t the guy for me, I wished him the best.
After our weak embrace, we parted ways, and then I glanced at my watch, the dial almost as large as my fist.
Shit. It was ten-thirty. Was it too late to stop by?
Who cares?
The adrenaline spike had me hopping on my toes.
I knew where I needed to be, so I didn’t hesitate. I lifted my hand as I waited for a cab, restless and eager. In the back of my mind, fear tried to grab me again, but I shoved it away. I couldn’t let fear control me any longer. I’d made the biggest mistake by letting Brian walk away, and I prayed it was not too late to fix it.
***
The cab stopped in front of his condo, and my insides surged with energy. An insane grin was fixated on my face as my heart raced in my chest, knowing he was so close and within my reach.
I repeated what I was going to say in my head. I intended to apologize, tell him I had made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life. I would tell him I regretted everything I had said a couple days ago, and then confess I loved him over and over.
I pictured the scene unfolding like in the movies—me crying, him holding me, us kissing, and then us finally together as a couple, proclaiming our love for each other.
I pressed the up button on the elevator, and I wrung my hands, my heart pitter-pattering so hard in my chest I was worried it would explode. An urge to flee washed over me. It was the same fear I was so familiar with, trying to terrorize me and alter my decision, but I closed my eyes and inhaled a long, calming breath to push all negative thoughts out of my head as the door pinged open.
When I stepped onto his floor, I heard boisterous laughter coming from down the hall. When I turned the corner, I staggered to a halt. Peeking over, I saw Brian and Trey, his roommate, as well as two strange girls congregated in front of the boys’ door. There was a blonde hanging all over Brian, and I bit back the bile that crept up my throat. I didn’t understand why she was literally hanging on him, when he already looked unsteady. Trey was equally preoccupied with the model-looking brunette blatantly making out with him.
Brian struggled to keep upright, using the frame of the door to keep himself from toppling over.
Was he drunk?
Yes. After a few seconds of watching him, I could clearly see he and Trey were both very much intoxicated, as were their female companions. Where had these girls come from? And how much had Brian had to drink? He couldn’t even keep his head up.
The long-legged woman with the shortest skirt pressed herself against Brian’s body and kissed his neck. I flinched, as though I’d been hit, a heavy nausea hitting my stomach.
Brian laughed at something she said, and I straightened, ready to stake my claim on him because he belonged to me.