profession, a way of life for people who care about others. I don`t see sufficient caring in
you. The good therapist wants to alleviate suffering, wants to help people grow. But I see
in you only disdain for others—look at the way you dismissed and insulted your students.
Therapists need to relate to their patients, whereas you care little about how others feel.
Take the two of us. You tell me that, on the basis of my phone call to you, you made the
assumption that I had a fatal illness. Yet never did you utter a word of consolation or
sympathy.»
«Would that have helped—mumbling some vacuous words of sympathy? I gave
you more, much more. I constructed and delivered an entire lecture for you.»
«I understand that now. But it was all so oblique, Philip. It made me feel like I was
being managed, not cared about. Better for me, much better, if you had been direct, if you
had sent some message from your heart to mine. Nothing monumental, maybe just some
simple inquiry into my situation or state of mind, or, Christ, you might have simply said,
вЂI`m sorry to hear you`re dying.` How hard would that have been?»
«If I were sick, that`s not what I`d want. I would have wanted the tools, the ideas,
the vision that Schopenhauer offered in the face of death—and that`s what I delivered to
you.»
«Even now, Philip, you still don`t bother to check your assumption that I have a
fatal illness.»
«Am I mistaken?»
«Come again, Philip. Say the words—it won`t hurt.»
«You said you had significant health problems. Can you tell me more?»
«Good start, Philip. An open–ended comment is by far the best choice.» Julius
paused to collect his thoughts and to consider how much to reveal to Philip. «Well, I`ve
very recently learned that I have a form of skin cancer called malignant melanoma which
poses a serious threat to my life, though my doctors assure me that for the next year I
should remain in good health.»
«I feel even more strongly,” Philip responded, «that the Schopenhaurian vision I
offered in my lecture would be of value to you. In our therapy I remember you once said
that life was a вЂtemporary condition with a permanent solution`—that is pure
Schopenhauer.»
«Philip, that perspective was meant in jest.»
«Well we know, don`t we, what your own guru, Sigmund Freud, had to say about
jesting. My point still stands: Schopenhauer`s wisdom contains much that will serve you
well.»
«I`m not your supervisor, Philip, that`s still to be determined, but I`ll give you
psychotherapy lesson number one, gratis.It`s not ideas, nor vision, nor tools that truly
matter in therapy. If you debrief patients at the end of therapy about the process, what do
they remember?Never the ideas—it`salways the relationship. They rarely remember an
important insight their therapist offered but generally fondly recall their personal
relationship with the therapist. And I`m going to venture a guess that this is even true for
you. Why did you remember me so well and value what happened between us so much
that you now, after all these years, turn to me for supervision? It`s not because of those
two comments—however provocative they were—no, I believe it was because of some
bond you felt with me. I believe you might have some deep affection for me, and because
our relationship, however difficult though it might have been, was meaningful, you are
now turning to me again in the hope of some form of embrace.»
«Wrong on all counts, Dr. Hertzfeld...”
«Yeah, yeah, so wrong that the mere mention of an embrace sends you scurrying
back to formal titles again.»
«Wrong on all counts, Julius. First, I want to caution you against the error of
assuming that your view of reality is the real thing—theres naturalis —and that your
mission is to impose this vision on others. You crave and value relationships, and you
make the erroneous assumption that I, indeed everyone, must do the same and that if I
claim otherwise, I`ve repressed my relationship–craving.
«It seems likely,” Philip continued, «that a philosophical approach may be far
preferable for someone like me. The truth is—you and I are fundamentally different. I
havenever drawn pleasure from the company of others—their drivel, their demands, their
ephemeral petty strivings, their pointless lives—are a nuisance and an obstacle to my
communion with the handful of great world spirits who have something of significance to
say.»
«Then why sign on to be a therapist? Why not remain with the great world spirits?
Why busy yourself offering help to these pointless lives?»
«If, like Schopenhauer, I had an inheritance to support myself, I assure you I would
not be here today. It`s entirely a matter of economic need. My educational expenses have
depleted my bank account, my teaching pays a pittance, the college is near bankruptcy,
and I doubt that I will be rehired. I need to see only a few clients a week to meet my
expenses: I live frugally, I wish to acquire nothing except the freedom to pursue what is
truly important to me: my reading, thinking, meditation, music, chess, and my walks with
Rugby, my dog.»
«You have still not answered my question: why come to see me when it is clear I
work in quite a different fashion from the way you want to work? And you haven`t
responded to my conjecture that there`s something about our past relationship drawing
you to me.»
«I didn`t respond because it`s so far off the mark. But since it seems important to
you, I`ll continue to ponder your conjecture. Don`t conclude that I`m questioning the
presence of basic interpersonal needs. Schopenhauer himself said that bipeds—his
term—need to huddle together by the fire for warmth. He cautioned, however, about
getting singed by too much huddling. He liked porcupines—they huddled for warmth but
used their quills to keep their separateness. He treasured his separateness and depended
on nothing outside himself for his happiness. And he wasn`t alone on this; other great
men, Montaigne, for example, shared this way of thinking.
«I also fear bipeds,” Philip continued, «and I agree with his observation that a
happy man is one who can avoid most of his fellow creatures. And how can you not agree
that bipeds create a hell here on Earth? Schopenhauer said, вЂHomo homini lupus`—man
is a wolf to man; I`m certain that he was the inspiration for Sartre`sNo Exit. ”
«All well and good, Philip. But you`re confirming my very point: that you may not
be equipped to work as a therapist. Your point of view leaves no room for friendships.»
«Every time I reach out to another, I end up with less of myself. I have not had a
friendship in adulthood, nor do I care to form one. You may remember I was a solitary
child with a disinterested mother and an unhappy father who eventually took his life. To
be frank, I`ve never met anyone who has anything of interest to offer me. And it`s not
because I haven`t looked. Every time I`ve tried to befriend someone, I`ve had the same
experience as Schopenhauer, who said he only found miserable wretches, men of limited
intelligence, bad heart, and mean disposition. I`m referring to living persons—not to the
great thinkers of the past.
«You met me, Philip.»
«That was a professional relationship. I refer to social encounters.»
«These attitudes are visible in your behavior. With your contempt and lack of
social skills spawned by this contempt, how can you possibly interact with others in a
therapeutic manner?»
«We`re not in disagreement there—I agree I need to work on social skills. A little
friendliness and warmth, Schopenhauer said, makes it possible to manipulate people just