After members echoed Bonnie`s affirmation, Julius said, «I appreciate the vote of
confidence. But group therapy 101 underscores the daunting power of group pressure. It`s
hard to buck group consensus in public. It would take superhuman resolve for any of you
to say today, вЂSorry, Julius, but this is too much for me, and I`d rather find a healthy
therapist, someone hale enough to take care of me.`
«So, no commitments today. Let`s just stay open and keep evaluating our own
work and see how everyone feels in a few weeks. One big danger which Bonnie
expressed today is that your problems start to feel too inconsequential to discuss. So we
have to figure out the best way for me to keep you working on your own issues.»
«I think you`re doing it, «said Stuart, «by just keeping us informed.»
«Okay. Thanks, that helps. Now let`s go back to you guys.»
A long silence.
«So, maybe I haven`t liberated you. Let me try something. Can you, Stuart, or
others, lay out our agenda, what`s here on the table—what are the open issues today?»
Stuart was the informal group historian: he was blessed with such a retentive
memory that Julius could always call on him for an account of past or present group
events. He tried not to overuse Stuart, who was in the group to learn how to engage
others, not to be a recorder of events. Wonderful with his child patients, Stuart was
socially at a loss whenever he left the perimeter of his pediatrician role. Even in the group
he often carried some of the accoutrements of the trade stuffed in his shirt pocket: tongue
depressors, penlight, lollipops, medication samples. A stable force in the group for the
past year, Stuart had made enormous progress in, as he had put it, «project
humanization.» Yet interpersonal sensitivity was still so undeveloped that his recounting
of group events was entirely without guile.
Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes before responding. «Well, let`s see—
we began with Bonnie and her desire to talk about her childhood.» Bonnie had been
Stuart`s frequent critic, and he glanced at her for approval before continuing.
«No, not quite right, Stuart. Right facts, wrong tone. You`re making it sound
flippant. Like I just want to tell a story for the fun of it. There are a lot of painful
memories from my childhood that are now coming up and haunting me. Get the
difference?»
«I`m not sure I do get it. I didn`t say you were doing it for the fun of it. That`s just
the kind of thing my wife complains about. But, to continue: next there was some stuff
with Rebecca, who felt insulted and angry with Bonnie for pointing out how she was
preening and attempting to impress Philip.» Stuart ignored Rebecca`s slapping her hand
to her forehead and muttering, «Goddamnit,” and continued, «Then there was Tony`s
feeling that we were using a more complex vocabulary in order to impress Philip. And
then Tony commented that Philip was a show–off. And Philip`s sharp response to Tony.
And then there was my comment to Gill that he avoided displeasing women so much that
he lost his sense of self.
«Let`s see what else...” Stuart scanned the room. «Well, there`s Philip—not what
he said but what he didn`t say. We don`t talk too much about Philip, as though it`s taboo.
Come to think about it, we don`t even talk aboutnot talking about him. And, of course,
Julius. But we worked on that. Except that Bonnie was particularly concerned and
protective, as she often is about Julius. In fact, the Julius part of the meeting started with
Bonnie`s dream.»
«Impressive, Stuart,” said Rebecca. «And pretty complete: you left out only one
thing.»
«And that is?»
«Yourself. The fact that you were being the group camera again, photographing
rather than plunging in.»
Often the group had confronted Stuart about his impersonal style of participation.
Months ago he described a nightmare in which his daughter had stepped into quicksand
and he could not save her because he wasted so much time getting his camera out of his
backpack to take a snapshot of the scene. That was when Rebecca labeled him the «group
camera.»
«Right you are, Rebecca. I`ll pack my camera away now and say I agree entirely
with Bonnie: you are a good–looking woman. But that`s not news to you—you know that.
And you know I think so. And,of course, you were preening for Philip—doing and
undoing and stroking your hair. It was obvious. How did I feel about it? I felt a little
jealous. No, a lot jealous—you never preened for me. No one ever preened for me.»
«That kind of thing makes me feel like I`m in prison,” Rebecca shot back. «I hate it
when men try to control me like this, like my every movement is under scrutiny.»
Rebecca broke off each word, showing an edge and a brittleness that had been under
wraps for a long time.
Julius remembered his first impressions of Rebecca. A decade ago, long before she
entered the group, he had seen her individually for a year. She was a delicate creature
with an Audrey Hepburn graceful, slim body and precious, large–eyed face. And who
could forget her opening comment in therapy? «Ever since I turned thirty I`ve noticed
that when I enter restaurants, no one stops eating to look at me. I`m devastated.»
Two sources of instruction had guided Julius in his work with her both individually
and in the group. First, there had been Freud`s urging that the therapist should reach out
in a human way to a beautiful woman and not withhold himself or penalize her simply
because she was beautiful. The second had been an essay he had read as a student titled,
«The Beautiful Empty Woman,” which made the point that the truly beautiful woman is
so often feted and rewarded solely for her appearance that she neglects developing other
parts of herself. Her confidence and feelings of success are only skin–deep, and once her
beauty fades she realizes she has little to offer: she has developed neither the art of being
an interesting person nor that of taking an interest in others.
«I make observations, and I`m called a camera,” said Stuart, «and when I say what
I feel I`m labeled a controlling man. Talk about feeling cornered.»
«I don`t get it, Rebecca,” said Tony. «What`s the big deal here? Why are you
freaking out? Stuart`s just saying what you`ve said yourself. How many times have you
said you know how to flirt, that it comes naturally to you? I remember your saying that
you had an easy time in college and in your law firm because you manipulate men with
your sexuality.»
«You make me sound like a whore.» Rebecca swiveled suddenly to Philip.
«Doesn`t that make you think I`m a whore?»
Philip, not distracted from gazing at his favorite spot somewhere on the ceiling,
answered quickly, «Schopenhauer said that a highly attractive women, like a highly
intelligent man, was absolutely destined to living an isolated life. He pointed out that
others are blind with envy and resent the superior person. For that reason, such people
never have close friends of their same sex.»
«That`s not necessarily true,” said Bonnie. «I`m thinking of Pam, our missing
member, who is beautiful too and yet has a large number of close girlfriends.»
«Yeah, Philip,” said Tony, «you saying that, to be popular, you have to be dumb or
ugly?»
«Precisely,” said Philip, «and the wise person will not spend his life or her life
pursuing popularity. It is a will–o`-the–wisp. Popularity does not define what is true or
what is good; quite the contrary, it`s a leveler, a dumbing down. Far better to search
within for one`s values and goals.»
«And how aboutyour goals and values?» asked Tony.