“I’m gonna miss him,” Ira said as he packed up his camera and turned to go.
When I looked for the Schwa, I didn’t see him anywhere, and for the life of me I didn’t know whether he had left or just blended into the station. It wasn’t until Lexie asked me to escort her home that I really knew he was gone.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “That’s not like him to leave without saying good-bye.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” I said. “How could you be so . . . so ...”
“So what?”
“Never mind. Forget I said anything.” I reached over and took Moxie’s harness, putting it gently into her hand. “Better hold on to Amoxicillin,” I told her. “I have a feeling you’re gonna need him to make you feel better.”
“How could you have done that to him?” I asked Lexie after I had gotten her home.
She glared at me. Not with her eyes, but with her whole face, which was worse. “In case you’ve forgotten, you did it, too.”
I knew she was right, and it just made me angrier. We sat in the living room of her grandfather’s apartment, listening to the sudden November downpour. Crawley’s nurse, who had already made it clear that she was a cat person, had walked the dogs in the rain because I hadn’t shown up on time to do it. Now the whole apartment was toxic with wet dog, and the nurse gave me dirty looks every time she passed by.
“I thought he understood that we were friends,” Lexie said.
“I don’t believe you. Just because you couldn’t see the dopey love-look on his face doesn’t mean you couldn’t hear it in his voice.”
Lexie was getting teary-eyed, but I wasn’t feeling too sympathetic.
“Maybe I just didn’t want to hear it, okay? Maybe I wanted a little bit of both of you. Is that so terrible?”
Then something occurred to me. “You’ve never really gone out with boys before, have you?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
By her tone of voice, I knew it was true. “A lot more than you think,” I told her. See, I know girls and guys who have become masters of manipulation when it came to dating. Instinctively I knew Lexie wasn’t one of those slippery types. Yes, she had manipulated us, but there was an innocence about it. Like she got tossed too many boys to juggle, and so she was doing it not because she enjoyed it, but because she didn’t know what else to do.
She didn’t speak for a long time. She just wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then reached down to pet Moxie. Moxie was pushed away by the sins and virtues, who wanted attention as well, and that just frustrated her even more.
“I tend to intimidate the boys at my school,” she finally said. “I’m very outgoing, and most of them aren’t. You see, it’s a very exclusive school, and a lot of the kids have been much more sheltered than me. I guess they just don’t know what to make of me.”
“What about your other escorts? The ones before me and the Schwa?”
“They were always older,” she said, “and to them it was just a job. Besides, they were always church boys—you know, boys who are so weirdly polite, you always feel like you’re in church when you’re with them. My escorts were always boys who were safe. . . which is why I was so surprised that my grandfather chose you.”
“He must be going senile.”
“I heard that!” Crawley shouted from his bedroom. A few of the dogs perked up at the sound of his voice and ran off to torment him. Served him right for eavesdropping.
“So I guess we were like training wheels,” I said to her.
“What?”
“You know, like on a bicycle. One on either side. Me and Schwa. Dating wheels.”
“I can’t ride a bicycle. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But I think she did.
“Calvin must hate me,” she said, nervously picking at her fingernails.
“He doesn’t hate you. He just feels a little worked over, is all.”
“How about you?”
“No, of course I don’t hate you.”
She reached out and touched my cheek. I thought about how that felt. I’ll bet no one had ever touched the Schwa’s face until Lexie had. Touch is a freaky thing when you’re not used to it. It makes you feel all kinds of things.
I guess I didn’t respond the way she wanted, because she took her hand away. “What happens now?”
I had to think about my answer because my own feelings hadn’t settled yet. Were we going to keep seeing each other? I wanted to. Being with her made me feel like Anthony instead of Antsy. But my selfish streak had run its course, and my conscience kicked in with a vengeance. It would never be right if I did this at the Schwa’s expense.
“I think you’re going to have to ride without training wheels for a while,” I told her.
“So then ... what are we? Are we friends?”
I took real care in my answer. “I’m your grandfather’s dog walker,” I told her. “Let’s start from there.”
Remember the Schwa.
Go to his house.
Go talk to him.
Remember the Schwa.
After I left Lexie, I kept repeating things about the Schwa over and over in my mind. I didn’t care how many brain cells it killed trying to think of him, I knew I had to go see him, or call him, or something. I couldn’t let him sneak out of my mind like he always did. Right then I knew how bad he must have been feeling.
Remember the Schwa.
Go talk to him.
But when I got home, Dad called a family meeting. Everyone was there but Mom. He had us sit at the dining-room table, where we never sat. The dining-room table was for holidays and taxes, that was it. As I sat down, I suddenly realized I didn’t want to hear this.
“We all need to have a talk,” he said. “Because things will be changing around here.”
I swallowed hard. “Changing how?”
Dad sighed. It was the truth sigh. I hated the truth sigh more than anything in the world right then. “Well, for one, I’m going to be cooking a lot more.”
“And?” said Frankie.
“And?” said Christina.
“And your mom ...”
“What about Mom?”
Dad sighed again. “Your mom is taking a cooking class three nights a week.”
Us kids looked at one another, waiting for more, but that’s all Dad offered.
“That’s it?” I said. “She’s taking a cooking class?”
“And she’s looking for a job. Probably part-time at first.”
Nothing from any of us for a few moments.
“It’s a French cooking class,” Dad continued. “Now I want you to listen to me, and listen to me closely.” He looked us all in the eye to make sure he had our attention. “When she cooks something, you have to tell her EXACTLY what you think of it. Capische? Don’t pull any punches. If it’s the foulest thing you’ve ever tasted, tell her the truth. You’ve got to be honest about it. Just like Antsy was the other day.”
“That ain’t right,” says Frankie.
“I’m scared,” says Christina.
“I know it’s going to be difficult for a while,” Dad said, “but we’ll get used to it.”
And suddenly, out of nowhere, I found myself bursting into tears. Don’t ask me to explain it, because I can’t. I didn’t even try to stop it, because it was like one of those floods that washes cars away. I guess my brother and sister were freaked out by it, because they took off, leaving me alone with Dad.