"Oh, yes," the abbot said.
The glee leached out of his face, and he looked truly old for an instant.
"In the time of the Great Leap, when hunger turned good neighbors into worse than beasts, and later when the Red Guards came to burn our scrolls… then I saw how men could become devils and torment one another. If mere men can do such great evil, how much worse are those with greater powers and insight, when they turn to doing devil's work?"
The black eyes held his, and the monk's voice went on softly:
"And only he who has by hard work conquered the devil in himself knows what a devil is, and what a devil he himself might be, and what an army for the devils' use are those who think that devils are delusion."
"No!" Master Hao said.
Edain wheezed fury at him from the ground where his shoulders had struck. The monk was at least thirty years older than the Mackenzie clansman, but he looked perfectly comfortable in his loose trousers and singlet, and even more comfortable within his skin. Edain and he were both of medium height, but Hao lacked the younger man's thick shoulders and arms; he was like a stripped-down anatomical diagram of a fighting man, with every muscle showing like a flat band of living oak under his ivory-colored skin. It lacked the ruddy-brown tint of the Rimpoche 's face, and there was a subtle difference in the facial structure; Rudi had the impression they came from different countries.
"No, you are fighting from anger!" Hao barked at Edain.
"When I'm trying to kill someone, now wouldn't it be strange if I weren't angry with the bastard?"
Rudi had been doing a slow, gentle series of exercises with a light fighting staff; today was the first he'd been able to do even that. The indoor practice hall was very much like a barn-from the smell, he thought it probably did duty as one from time to time-but the board walls broke the force of the wind, and the dirt floor gave good footing and was passable for falling. His right shoulder twinged again, and he let the end of the quarterstaff fall so that he could lean on it, gripping with his left hand.
"If you wish to defeat your enemy, you must first defeat yourself. Defeat your anger, defeat your hate, defeat your self. Then your moves will be pure… and you will win. Direct your chi energy; it is more important than your fists or your feet. You already have good technique, you are strong and fearless and young, yet this skinny old man can defeat you again and again. Consider this."
"Why didn't you say so, Master Hao? If that's what it takes to boot some head, sure and I'll do it."
He's saying he's so angry he'll overcome anger, Rudi thought. My friend, I think in this case my mother would say your head is not firmly wired to your arse!
Rudi kept quiet, nonetheless; help with throttled rage was precisely what Edain needed. What had happened in Picabo wasn't going to leave him anytime soon, or easily. Instead he began another of the series of exercises; some of them reminded him of Aunt Judy's methods. Patience, patience…
But I too, want to boot some head, he thought, and sighed. And right now, I can't even try!
It was going to be a long winter.
He racked the staff; a man beckoned from the pathway outside.
"The most holy Rimpoche Tsewang Dorje would speak with you," the man said.
His face was schooled to calm, but the censorious blue eyes were obviously rather disapproving that his superior was wasting so much time with this young outland infidel.
Rudi bowed slightly, keeping the smile off his face. He was reminded of a saying of his mother; that a fanatic was a man who did what he knew in his heart the Gods would do… if only They had all the facts of the matter. And it was a pleasure simply to be able to walk properly again. He was breathing a little hard when they ascended a final flight of stairs, but it was infinite relief after his lead-limbed weakness of a few weeks ago.
"Come in, come in!" the old abbot's voice said.
The sanctum was… the phrase that sprang to Rudi's mind was pleasantly bare, even to eyes accustomed to the flamboyant Mackenzie style. There were scrolls on a rack against one wall, and books on another, and an image of a Bodhisattva in a niche. A low desk and a mat were the only other furniture, except for a compact metal heating unit and a cushion obviously there for Rudi's convenience. The old man bustled about pouring tea for his guest; Rudi had come to actually like it with the salty yak-butter added. And it certainly helped keep you warm in this upland winter, where your body burned fuel as a bonfire burned wood.
"Thank you for spending so much of your time with me," he said, when Dorje had seated himself again. "Though frankly, there's little I can do but talk at the present!"
Dorje gestured at his own body. "When you reach my age, my son, you will find that talking and thinking are the pleasures that do not fade… although silence is still greater, and more lasting. As for the time"-he shrugged-"there is little pressing business until spring. If the gods have given us time to pursue wisdom, it is prudent to use it. Refusing such a gift brings no fortune."
Rudi nodded, collecting his thoughts. "Teacher-"
Dorje held up a hand: "Please. You can teach someone how to grow barley-I have done so. Wisdom is another matter. Concerning that nothing can be taught, although the learner easily can be assisted to discover what is in himself. Other than which there is no knowledge of importance, except this: that what is in himself, is everywhere."
Rudi grinned with a trace of impudence and quoted from the Charge of the Goddess:
"For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without. For behold: I have been with you from the Beginning, and I am that which is attained at the end of desire."
Dorje laughed delightedly. "Yes, a… how shall I put it… borrowing."
"Or could it be that all who make wheels, make them round," Rudi said, and they shared the joke. Then he sobered: "But someone… Someone… has been teaching the masters of the CUT, I think."
"Yes," the Rimpoche said soberly. "And they are become the most knowledgeable fools on all the earth. A certain poet-and he was no fool-bade men take the cash and let the credit go. I find this good advice, albeit difficult to follow. Nevertheless, it is easier than what those men attempt who seek the aid of Malevolence. They try to take the cash and let the debt go, and that is utterly impossible; for as we sow, we reap. Men who sell their souls invariably make a very bad bargain."
Rudi shivered a little, remembering the eyes and the dead hands squeezing his throat.
"I've had more to do with the gods since I started this trip than ever before in my life, but I know less than I did when I started out! The more I'm told, the less I understand!"
"And knowing that, you know more than you did," Dorje said. "There is a saying of my people: that around the virgin daughter of a king are guardian walls, and before the walls are fierce men. So is it wonderful that God should cause His secrets to be guarded by ferocity, and that of many kinds?"
"The other side seems to get more help!" Rudi said, baffled. "Not that I'd take that aid if it were offered on a golden plate. Why would anyone do that to themselves?"
Dorje made that expressive shrug. "Why do men steal, and violate, and kill when no need drives them? And the lusts of the body are as nothing to the unmastered cravings of the mind. Subdue the body, and still the lusts of the spirit may consume you like fire. Death pursues life. Is there anything without its opposite? Can light exist without shadow? So, I tell you that when you seek to do the will of the gods, and help men rise through the cycles, your very inmost thoughts awaken hosts of enemies that otherwise had slept. As sound awakens echoes, so the pursuit of wisdom awakens the devil's guard."
"As above, so below," Rudi said, and his face went grim. "I have to fight them, then. But… how, that's the question!"
"I cannot advise you on matters of statecraft; not beyond this valley and its surroundings, at least. But I do say that if you are in league with gods to learn life and to live it you shall not only find enemies. You shall find help unexpectedly, from strangers who, it may be, know not why. Has this not already been the case?"