"I wasn't sure you cared about that-even cared enough to come back from wherever you'd gone."
Her words hurt Jherek more grievously than any wound he'd received. He grabbed the next spear thrust in his free hand, held the haft, and stepped forward to pierce the koalinth's breast with the cutlass.
He yanked his blade free and turned to her, full of anger and pain. He kept his words as calm as he could, not understanding how she could doubt him.
"Please, lady," he said, "I have told you I would lay my life down for you. I would never desert you in troubled waters without seeing you home."
"You've told me that," Sabyna agreed, "but there's much you haven't told me."
Jherek gratefully turned back to face the koalinth he'd wounded.
"Perhaps we could talk about this another time," he said.
He parried a spear, knocking sparks from the weapon.
"Do you swear?" Sabyna pressed, stepping up beside him to engage another koalinth.
Her knives flashed as she blocked the spear thrust, then one of the blades flew from her hand, burying itself in her opponent's throat. Crimson sprayed over her and Jherek.
Jherek hesitated, blocking the spear twice more, then stepping in as he formed the bracer into a dagger and punched it through the wounded koalinth's heart. Even if the creature fell, another shouldered up to take its place.
"Promise me," Sabyna said.
"Lady, please."
Jherek tried to turn the koalinth's attack, but it was too savage, too fierce. It drove him back as he tried to find an opening.
"I will not be denied, Jherek," Sabyna said.
"Now," the young sailor said, thrusting and breaking his opponent's attack, "is not the time."
"Your secret, whatever it is," Sabyna said, "is holding both of us back. Neither of us can be happy until we know where we stand."
"Lady, I care deeply for you."
The conversation and the emotion that went with it distracted Jherek. He missed a parry and watched as the spear streaked toward his chest. He managed to turn at the last moment, letting the iron point graze his ribs. He willed the bracer into a hook and tore out the kcalinth's throat before it was able to withdraw.
"Pretty words," Sabyna said. "Jherek, I wouldn't ask this if I knew you weren't confused, scared, and hurting, too."
He faced her, his chest heaving from emotion and exertion, and said, "Lady, I have never known any other way."
He was only dimly aware that the last of the koalinth were being beaten back by Glawinn, Azla, Tarnar, and the sailors from Steadfast. Skeins had claimed one of the koalinths, wrapping the creature and using it against the others.
"I have never known pain like this," Sabyna replied. "Never known confusion like this. My world was far simpler before I knew you."
Jherek was silent for a moment as the sounds of the battle died down. His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper when he said, "Lady, I'd never known my world was as small as it was before I knew you."
"If you feel that way," Sabyna asked in frustration, "then why have you put up all these walls?"
"Walls are a part of my life, lady."
"I won't have them in mine."
Sabyna gazed at him fiercely. The fact that he'd pushed her into such a position shamed Jherek. His heart ached and a lump that he could scarce swallow filled his throat.
"What is there to risk?" she demanded.
"The friendship that we have between us."
"But it could be more."
That she'd voiced the possibility of something more both embarrassed and terrified Jherek even more than getting hit with the lightning bolt only moments ago.
"Lady,* he said, "I have treasured every moment of it, and if that friendship was all that would ever exist between us-ever could exist-I would be happy."
"Jherek," Sabyna's voice was thick with emotion, "it's been hard these last-what, nearly three months-never knowing if you were alive or dead. I truly don't know the depth of my emotions for you. I'm not sure if I'd know true love, but I do know that I've never felt this way about anyone before. Even as tense as things have been between us since we arrived in the Sea of Fallen Stars, I still remember the meals we shared aboard Breezerunner."
"Aye," he said.
"That was the reality that could exist for us, Jherek, but we'll never know unless whatever shuts the door on that possibility is revealed. If I could, I would tear it down with my own hands."
"You don't know what it is you ask."
Her eyes were sad. "Maybe you can live with what we have and never know anything more than that, but I can't. I can't limit myself the way you do. I'm not that strong."
"Lady, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. Please don't think you're weak because of me."
"Then trust me, Jherek. Whatever it is you're hiding, trust me with it."
Tears welled in the young sailor's eyes and the pain in his throat and chest was almost unbearable. He tried to speak but couldn't.
Sabyna lowered her voice, and it was as if there were only the two of them in the world. "You believe in love, Jherek. I heard you say it, and I saw the strength of your conviction bind a spell that was very powerful. That wouldn't have happened if you didn't mean it. As you believe in love, believe in my love for you." Tears ran down her cheeks, tracking the blood and dirt on her face. "Tell me what holds us apart."
Jherek spoke the words he knew would doom him to un-happiness for the rest of his life. "As you wish."
XXIII
8 Marpenoth, the Year of the Gauntlet
"Arc you going to tell her then, young warrior?"
Jherek gazed at his hands as he toweled himself off once more. He'd never seen them shake that way. Except, perhaps, for the night he'd chosen to leave his father's ship and leap into the sea, not knowing if he would live.
He glanced up at Glawinn and said, "I promised her."
The paladin nodded slowly. "There's a case to be made for the fact that she coerced you."
They were in the warrior's quarters aboard Azure Dagger. Returning to Azla's ship in the dark with Vurgrom and his pirates as prisoners-and with the weakened prisoners the koalinth had held as livestock-had taken hours.
During that time Sabyna had concerned herself with the prisoners they'd rescued from the koalinth and given Jherek time to think. Unfortunately, all he'd been able to think on was this moment. When they'd reached the ship, he'd begged off time to bathe and tend his wounds, hoping the words he needed would come to him.
He'd drawn a bucket of fresh water from the ship's stores instead of bathing in the salt, wanting to be at his best even though he felt everything was going to end at Its worst. He'd washed with lye soap, then groomed him of as best as he could, borrowing Glawinn's shaving kit to scrape the sparse stubble from his chin like he was a man in danger of raising a beard. When he was finished with the task, with his hands shaking the way they were, he guessed that he'd drawn more blood than Vurgrom and the koalinth had.
"As much as I don't wish this," Jherek said, "I know she needs-and deserves-to know."
"And you? Could you love her from afar if it comes to that?"
Jherek looked at his friend and mentor. "Aye," he said, "without hesitation."
"Ah, but you've got Lathander's heart in you, young warrior." Glawinn's voice turned husky and his eyes shone brightly. Then you will never lose her, no matter how this goes."
"And her?"
Glawinn shook his head. "I cannot speak for the lady, young warrior. The thing that crosses the two of you is strong. It's not just her, it's you, too. She'll look at you and think of her brother, but you'll look at her and think of your father."
"No."
"You will, and you need to face that."
"My father will not be a part of my life forever," Jherek objected.