Astonishment trailed cold fingers across Jherek's back. Even on the Sword Coast people knew the Zhentarim to be an organization of great evil.
"I was a boy when I fought at my father's side under Randall Morn against Malyk," Glawinn went on in a steady voice. "My sister, like many other Daggerdale citizens, felt that the Zhentarim would continue to hold the lands after the battles. Some thought only to hold onto their property, not caring who ruled them as long as they were allowed to follow their own lives. Cellayne-my sister-saw joining the Zhentarim as a chance to follow the dark nature that possessed her."
Footsteps passed beyond the door. Men's voices talked quietly. Eyes reddened with pain and glazed with memory, Glawinn turned to peer at the armor lying on the small bed.
"I've seen Cellayne twice in all these years," he said. "The last time she tried her best to kill me. Only by Lathander's grace was I spared. I lost two dear friends. Cellayne has immersed herself in the dark arts and become a necromancer. She's very powerful." The paladin tried to clear his thick voice but was unsuccessful. "As penance for daring to attack her in her stronghold near Darkhold, Cellayne… did something to my two fallen companions… set them on my trail. I destroyed the walking corpses of my friends. I know not what happened to their souls, though priests I've talked to since tell me that the good part of them knows peace."
"I'm sorry," Jherek whispered, knowing how feeble those words were.
"Lathander keeps me strong." Glawinn bowed his head for a moment, then turned to Jherek. "You need only believe, young warrior. Let your faith and your heart guide you, not your birth, not everything you've seen. Pursue that which you want, and a way of living that pleases and rewards you."
"There is nothing to believe in."
"So, for now at least, that is what you believe, young warrior, but to believe that there is nothing to believe in, is a belief itself." Glawinn smiled at his own circular logic. "Don't you see? If there was no belief in you, you would be like a piece of driftwood tossed out on the sea."
"Even driftwood finds a shore sooner or later," Jherek said.
A smile crossed Glawinn's face. "How much you know yet refuse to see. Truly, your stubbornness is as great as any I've ever witnessed." He crossed the room to stand in front of Jherek, then put his hands on the young sailor's shoulders and said, "When I look at you, I see a good man."
Unable to maintain eye contact, Jherek dropped his gaze to his boots.
"I only wish that you could see yourself through my eyes." Glawinn paused. "Or Sabyna's."
"I've got to go." Jherek couldn't stand there any more. It hurt too much.
The paladin pulled his hands away and said, "You won't be able to escape the doubts that fill you, young warrior. They only sound the emptiness that is within you. Belief is the only thing that will make you whole again."
Jherek held back hot tears. "If there was just something to hold to, I could," he said, "but there is nothing."
"Sabyna loves you, young warrior."
That single declaration scared Jherek more than anything else in his life.
"Even if that were true," he said hotly, "my father murdered her brother. She could never forgive me."
"For your father's sin?"
"A father's sins are visited on the son."
"Not everyone thinks so."
"I'd rather not talk about this."
"I told you I'd teach you to believe again, young warrior," Glawinn said, his voice carrying steel again, "and I will."
"You weren't able to rescue your sister."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jherek regretted it. Pain flashed in Glawinn's eyes.
"Now is not the time to speak of this," Glawinn said. "I see that." He turned and walked back to his bunk, sitting and taking up his armor again. "Good night, young warrior."
Hesitating, Jherek tried desperately to find something to say, but couldn't. He had no head for it, and he didn't trust his tongue. His heart felt like bursting.
The sound of the scrubbing brush filled the room, drowning out the echo of the waves lapping at the ship's hull.
With a trembling hand, Jherek opened the door and left. There was nothing else to do.
V
6 Flamerule, the Year of the Gauntlet
Seated midway up Black Champion's rigging, Jherek stared hard out at the sunlight-kissed emerald green waters to the west. The Dragonisle maintained a steady distance to the southeast as the ship sailed north over slightly choppy waves, but the Earthspur towered over all. Below Jherek's position, the pirate crew worked steadily under Azla's watchful eye.
Reluctantly, he returned his attention to the wooden plate he held. Over half of the steamed fish and boiled potato chunks yet remained of his meal, long grown cold. He picked at the morsels with his fingers but found no interest. The worry and the headache that settled into the base of his skull and across his shoulders left him with no appetite.
Giving up on the meal, he gripped the edge of the plate and flung the contents into the wind, watching them fall the long distance down to the sea. An albatross wheeled and dived after them, managing to seize one of the chunks before it hit the water.
The rigging vibrated, drawing his attention. When he peered down, he saw Sabyna climbing up the rigging toward him.
"I didn't expect to find you up here," she said. "You're usually laboring about the ship."
"I wasn't feeling well."
Sabyna huddled expertly within the rigging, hooking her feet and leaning back so that her elbows held her as well. She gazed at him with concern and said, "Perhaps you should have stayed in bed."
Jherek shook his head.
"I'm worried about you." Sabyna regarded him sternly with those frank, reddish-brown eyes.
Sabyna loves you, young warrior. Glawinn's words spun through Jherek's mind as soft as silk and as unforgiving as steel.
"I worry about you. Perhaps it is time you make your way back to the Sword Coast."
"Do you think I'm some kind of ballast you can just heave overboard?" Sabyna's voice turned icy.
Jherek felt as though his thoughts were winding through mush.
"No, lady," he said. "I worry only about your safety. This is not your fight, and I fear that things are going to get even harder from this point on. Last night has proven that"
"I remember a time when you spoke pretty words to me, and enjoyed my companionship," she told him in a cold voice.
"Lady, I have no hand with pretty words. My skills are with the sea, and with raising the ships that sail on it."
"Then you're telling me I heard wrong?"
Jherek felt as though he was being mercilessly pummeled. "No," he said, "I wouldn't tell you that."
"Then tell me what you feel."
Jherek hung his head. "I can't." He hated the silence that followed.
"Perhaps," Sabyna said in a softer voice, "I did hear wrong. Maybe I was wanting to hear something that wasn't there, nor ever offered."
She reached into the bag of holding at her hip and brought out two books. "I spoke with Glawinn this morning. He asked me to give you these."
Heart still hurting, Jherek took to the books, meeting her eyes and never even glancing at the titles. Normally books were a fascination to him, a promise of adventure and other lives he could share.
"Has something happened between you two?"
"Please," Jherek said, "I don't wish to speak of it."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. It's just hard watching the two of you have trouble when it's obvious you're so much alike."