"Aside from the fact that you could have been killed, you mean... and all because of me!"
"Because of you?" His confusion was obvious in his tone.
"Of course! If we hadn't quarreled..." She trailed off.
"If we hadn't quarreled, I wouldn't have surprised the intruder and I could well be missing valuable items from Blackmoor House. As it is, I've lost only the time it takes to set the study to right."
"Still..." She paused, then spoke, looking down at her feet. "I'm sorry."
"There's no need for you to apologize."
"There is. I'm not just sorry about the burglary — although I am sorry about that. I'm sorry about this evening, and about Freddie, and for making you so very angry, and... for everything." By the end of the sentence, her voice was barely a whisper.
"Alex."
She couldn't look up at him.
"Alexandra. Look at me."
With a sigh, she did, meeting his gaze as he spoke firmly. "You don't have to apologize for any of that. I incited you... I know that now as much as I knew it then. I'm sorry that I was boorish. I should have checked my behavior long before it came to our arguing in the middle of a ball." He reached out and took the candle from her hands, setting it on a nearby table before taking her hands in his. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I don't know what got into me about Freddie. I've always quite liked him. But this season... seeing him flirting with you... it's been... difficult to watch. And I know my behavior has been reprehensible."
"You have to stop thinking of me as your sister, Gavin."
He offered her a half smile. "That seems to be the singular problem." Confusion clouded her emerald eyes as he continued, "You see, I haven't been thinking of you as my sister. In fact, the way I've been thinking when it comes to you is the very opposite of brotherly."
The words hung in the air and Alex's eyes widened as understanding dawned.
He offered a self-deprecating smile. "I see you take my meaning." He let go of her hands and ran his fingers through his hair as though he didn't know what to do with them. "You needn't worry. I'm not going to act on my feelings."
"Why?" Alex asked the question without thinking.
"If only I knew why. It began at the start of the season, and at first I chalked it up to my missing you while I was in mourning. Which I did. But instead of the feelings dissipating as I spent time in your company" — he slashed a hand through the air in frustration — "they only seemed to grow stronger."
Alex looked up at him, meeting his frustrated grey eyes. "Not why are you feeling the way you are, Gavin. Why aren't you going to act on those feelings?"
He froze. Neither of them moved, each afraid to take the next step. The first step.
The moment stretched out into what seemed like an eternity and Alex began to feel awkward, as though she had said the wrong thing. "I — I'm sorry. I — I don't know what prompted me to ask such a thing." She started to take a step backward.
"No." The word was soft, but brooked no refusal. She went still as he continued, "There are a dozen reasons why I shouldn't act on them." He lifted his hands to cradle her face between them. "A hundred reasons why I should turn around and walk out of this room." He leaned down until he was a hairbreadth away from her. "But I'm through listening to them." And, with that, he kissed her.
The instant she felt his lips touch hers, feather soft, Alex couldn't stop herself from returning the kiss, from reveling in it. His lips were warm and firm, and the feeling of them so wonderful that all thought escaped her. This was it, her first kiss — and with such an unexpected person in such an unexpected place at such an unexpected time. But it was perfect... and she never wanted it to end. She wanted to stand here forever, basking in the glow of this perfect moment — the feel of his hands on her cheeks, the warmth of his body, the sound of his breathing, the way her head was spinning.
Of course, it did end. Too soon. But, when it was over, he placed his forehead against her own, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, as though steadying himself before letting her go.
"I've been waiting to do that for weeks," he said with surprise in his voice. "I'm rather shocked that it happened."
She smiled shyly. "No more shocked than I, I imagine."
"So you don't want to stomp on my foot and run from the room?"
"Not at all. I rather enjoyed the whole experience." He chuckled. "I'm happy to hear that."
She blushed at his laugh and looked down at the floor, wondering what the proper etiquette was for this particular situation. Fast on the heels of that question came the realization that there was absolutely no code of conduct to follow, as their behavior had been highly improper. What happened now?
The question floated through her mind just as the clock in the hallway struck four. She met Gavin's gaze with a startled one of her own.
He responded by picking up the candle from where he'd set it earlier and telling her, "I think it's time to take to our beds, Lady Alexandra. This has been a particularly full evening."
She hid the disappointment from her reply. "Most certainly. You must be exhausted."
He raised an eyebrow at her statement and turned toward the door, "On the contrary, I seem to have an excess of energy now, thanks to you."
She blushed again, thankful for the dim light. What had gotten into her?
He waited for her to pass through the doorway into the foyer before following her with the light. At the foot of the stairs, just before Alex began her ascent, he spoke quietly, "Hold." She looked back at him curiously as he whispered, "I didn't accept the chance to properly escort you home tonight, Alex. At least let me offer you a proper companion now."
He held out his hand, and she took it. They climbed the stairs in silence.
Much later, when Alex was lying in bed, unable to sleep for the pounding of her heart, she imagined she could still feel the warmth of his palm pressed against her own.
Her first kiss. With Gavin. The words tumbled over and over in her head as she replayed the moment, the sound of their breathing, the movement of his hands, the way the firelight caught the gold in his hair as it fell across his forehead when he leaned down to her.
She sighed and whispered his name in the darkness of her bedchamber before turning onto her side and looking out the window at the moonlit treetops beyond. She felt the energy of the evening coursing through her, keeping her from sleep. Her mind was racing; there was so much to think about—so much that had changed. Gavin would never be just a friend again. She would never think of him as a brother again. He would always be the first man she'd kissed.
Now she understood what everyone meant when they talked about romance... this feeling had launched the thousand ships of the Trojan War, this feeling had sent Guinevere into the arms of Lancelot, this feeling had driven Fitzwilliam Darcy to confess his love for Elizabeth Bennett. She giggled in the darkness at her silliness, giddy with excitement. She'd scoffed at it for years... she'd never believed that this kind of wonderful, rapturous romance could exist beyond legend. And yet, that evening, in Gavin's arms, she'd had a taste of it.
Clutching her pillow to her face, she screamed in excitement, then rolled onto her back with a sigh, imagining Gavin sleeping just a few rooms away.
She wondered what tomorrow would bring.
fifteen
"So let me see if I fully understand...." Ella was sitting on flex's bed, watching as Eliza carefully curled a long strand of Alex's hair and arranged it atop her head. "Blackmoor arrived home earlier than usual and surprised the intruder, leaving him to run off without actually removing anything from Blackmoor House?"