Obediently I rang Poppy. ‘It’s Minty.’ Since the funeral, we had met only twice, each time with the twins, and our conversations had remained within the bounds of politeness.
‘Thanks for ringing,’ she said, more hesitant than usual. In the background I could hear the subdued whine of a printer. ‘The thing is, Minty, I wanted to ask you how things were progressing with Dad’s will.’
Was it odd that Poppy hadn’t talked to Theo? ‘We…’ I emphasized it ‘… will have to be patient a little longer. Theo is still waiting for probate to be granted.’
She hesitated. ‘So, we’re no closer to sharing out the money?’
‘Theo’s doing his best.’
‘It takes such a long time.’ Poppy’s urgent cry echoed down the phone. ‘Can’t we hurry it up?’
‘Is there some problem about the money? Theo explained it quite carefully. Have you a complaint?’
‘No, no, nothing like,’ she countered hastily. ‘I was just wondering, that’s all. Theo did say that Sam and I were due our share, and I could… do with my mine. There are one or two things that I must… I would like to use it for.’
‘Can’t Richard tide you over?’
‘No.’ Her voice veered upwards. ‘I mean, yes. I will ask Richard. He’s always so generous. But I don’t rely on my husband.’ She gave a little laugh. Well, as little as possible. Did I tell you he’s been promoted again? So have I, in a modest way.’ The printer choked, interrupting her. ‘Oh, God, I must go. I’m trying to print out a delivery note to go with a huge order for Christmas candles from Liberty’s and the printer keeps jamming. Will you let me know as soon as possible?’
Through the open door, I saw Felix stick out his leg and Lucas go sprawling over it. I switched my gaze back to the kitchen. If Nathan was sitting at the table, he’d say, ‘She’s my daughter, and I must help.’
I took a deep breath. ‘I’m worried you’re in trouble, Poppy. Would you like to talk things over some time?’
‘No!’ Her panicky voice convinced me that I was right. ‘It’s none of your business.’
‘Are you sure?’
Poppy turned hostile. ‘I’m absolutely sure, thank you, Minty. Could we leave it now? Please?’
‘I’ll ask Theo to get in touch with you.’
I terminated the call and I went to say hello to the twins, who occupied me for the next couple of hours. But I was troubled by my conversation with Poppy.
Later, when I came downstairs, my eye lit on a vase of dying irises in the hall. I carried them into the kitchen and emptied out the water, which smelt disgusting. I dropped one of the flowers on to the floor and its pulpy stem left a stain on the tiles. I knelt down and scrubbed at it with a tissue, which disintegrated. I got to my feet to fetch the dustpan, and pain flickered in my knees. That made me smile. Nathan had married me because he thought I would make him young again. But instead I had grown older.
I scraped the rubbish into the bin and the lid banged shut.
A deep, unhealed loss held me in its tight grip.
I was woken by the sound of starlings on the stairs. I glanced at the clock – 5.30 a.m. Groaning, I got out of bed. ‘Just what are you two doing?’ I demanded. The twins were dressed and kitted up with their school rucksacks. ‘And what are you carrying?’
‘It’s our food for the journey,’ Felix explained.
‘Turn round.’ Felix did so, and I unzipped the rucksack. Inside I found an apple, a couple of chocolate biscuits and Blanky. The last was significant. Felix would never leave the house without Blanky. ‘Did you pinch these from the tin?’
‘It’s for our journey,’ Lucas repeated.
‘What journey?’
Felix tugged at my hand. ‘A special journey, Mummy’
I sat down on the top stair. ‘You were running away without telling me. I wouldn’t have liked that, you know.’
This worried Felix. ‘We’re going to find Daddy,’ he said.
To hide the rush of hot tears, I dropped my head into my hands. There were further starling rustles and a twin inserted himself at either side of me. I put out my arms and drew them close. What am I going to do with you?’ They knew the question was rhetorical, and neither answered. ‘I’ve told you both about Daddy. He’s gone to another place where he will be perfectly at peace. But he can’t ever come back.’
‘Oh, yes he will,’ said Lucas. ‘When we dig him up.’
I ached for their misery. My sadness was now complete, and I searched desolately for the best words, the right thing to do. ‘Well,’ I said finally, ‘why don’t we think about it in bed?’
Fifteen minutes later, they were asleep, but not before ‘I had extracted a promise from them that they would never, ever leave the house without telling me or Eve. I lay awake, borne aloft on a layer of biscuit crumbs – they had insisted in eating their provisions.
‘Minty!’ a voice called behind me, as I was dashing out of number seven on the way to work.
It was Martin. He was in his office suit, with a briefcase and a matching overnight bag in the softest leather, the kind top executives favour. ‘I was hoping to catch you. I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but I’ve been so busy. Paige tells me you’re coping… but…’ He placed a finger under my chin and tilted it up. ‘Bit pale, thinner, but that’s to be expected.’
I licked my dry lips. I had almost forgotten how to respond to human beings, let alone friends.
‘I’m afraid I need to talk to you,’ he said.
That shook me out of my torpor. ‘Trouble?’
‘Trouble,’ he conceded. ‘Have you got time?’
I glanced at my watch. ‘I’m due at a meeting in an hour.’ That would take up the morning. Lunchtime would be devoted to buying new school uniform for the twins. An afternoon meeting was scheduled with Ed Golightly at the BBC and everyone was crossing fingers for the green light. With luck and a following wind, I would make it home for the twins’ bath. ‘I have time.’
‘Coffee, then?’ Martin jerked a finger at the café on the corner.
We sat at a too-small table that lurched alarmingly if one or other of us leant on it. Martin blew into the cappuccino, and the resulting ruffle on the froth mirrored his frown. He looked baffled and angry. A dot of shaving cream nesting behind his left ear skewed his conformist, businesslike appearance.
‘Martin, this looks bad.’
‘It is.’ He picked up his cup and put it down again. ‘Paige and I have split up. Or, rather, she told me to go’
‘What? She hasn’t said anything to me.’
Naturally that was neither here nor there to Martin. He raised his eyes and looked directly into mine. ‘You know the expression “a blow in the solar plexus”? It doesn’t describe the half of it.’
A picture of Nathan sitting in the blue chair, dead, swam into view. ‘I have some idea.’