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“I see that you won’t be dissuaded,” she said. “I have no choice but to go with you to Skipton.”

There ensued another argument, in which I tried to impress upon her the danger of the trip, while she swore to protect me. I grew strident in my refusal, and Ellen began to weep.

“If you don’t want me, and you insist on going alone, I’ll return home this very evening.” She began packing her trunk while sobbing into her handkerchief.

I was torn between shame at hurting Ellen and irritation at her for turning every dispute into a test of our friendship. But I didn’t relish the idea of confronting strangers at the Charity School alone. I capitulated, agreeing that we would journey together to Skipton on the morrow.

13

Time offers no invincible barrier against the dark forces of the past. New places sometimes possess aspects of places I thought to have left behind me forever; they evoke memories preferably forgotten. This misfortune befell me during my visit to the Charity School.

Ellen and I arrived in Skipton early in the afternoon of 22 July. Skipton is a market town located on the Leeds and Liverpool Canal. Its ruined Norman castle overlooks the village through which we rode in a hired carriage. We journeyed some two miles into meadowland. The Charity School occupied a shallow valley, hidden from nearby farms by a birch forest. The path through this was too narrow for our carriage, so Ellen and I asked the driver to wait, then proceeded on foot.

“This seems a pleasant place for a school,” Ellen remarked.

Indeed, the trees shaded us from the hot sun; birds twittered around us; the air smelled cleanly fragrant. “But it’s sufficiently remote that evil things could happen here, with no one outside the wiser.”

We emerged from the woods. Ahead of us appeared the school-a two-story, stone structure with peaked slate roofs, ruined turrets, and an arched doorway flanked by mullioned windows. A crumbling stone wall enclosed a garden filled with dark, dense holly trees. Beyond the school’s chimneys I saw the round stone tower of an old windmill, its blades missing. A plaque on the wall bore the school’s name.

At the door, Ellen grasped the knocker and rapped. We had agreed that she should take the lead during this expedition, for I wished to avoid, as much as possible, the notice of the people who had known Isabel White and might have had a part in her troubles and mine. If I effaced myself, perhaps I could induce them to think me insignificant and forgettable.

Presently, the door was opened by a severe woman dressed in a plain black frock, white apron, and white cap. “Yes?” she said. “Have you come to apply for the teaching position?”

“Oh, dear no. I am Miss Wheelwright of Birstall, and I wish to determine whether this school might be suitable for my young cousin.” Ellen’s voice exuded wealth, privilege, and refined breeding. “This is my companion Miss Brown.”

These were the names, and this the story we’d invented in hope of gaining an inspection of the school. The housekeeper-as I assumed her to be-looked us over. We must have passed scrutiny, for she bid us to enter. As soon as I did, the smell hit me: an amalgam of soap, chalk, and damp plaster; of unappetizing foods; of the sweet, rank, urine odor of impoverished children. I was suddenly eight years old again, arriving at the Clergy Daughters’ School at Cowan Bridge. Beyond the vestibule, where Ellen and I stood, a corridor extended between rows of doors. From these issued girlish voices reciting lessons in unison; in them I heard echoes from a bitter chapter of my life.

The housekeeper ushered Ellen and me into a parlor with dark paintings on the walls and old-fashioned furniture. She said, “I’ll fetch the Reverend Grimshaw.”

She departed, and we sat on a horsehair sofa. Ellen squeezed my hand. “That wasn’t so difficult, was it?” she whispered, her eyes sparkling in enjoyment of our adventure.

I managed a shaky smile and endeavored to forget the school where I and my elder sisters, Maria and Elizabeth, suffered the inhumane deprivation that caused my stunted figure and contributed to their deaths.

“My dear, what’s wrong?” Ellen gazed anxiously at me. “You look as white and queer as though you’ve seen a ghost.”

There came a step at the door. Silhouetted in the light from the vestibule stood a man. I discerned his tall, upright figure in a frock coat and trousers, his head like a carved capital atop a black column, and the white clerical cravat at his throat. My heart lurched, for here, thought I, was the Reverend William Carus Wilson, evil proprietor of the Clergy Daughters’ School. But of course, as I quickly realized when he walked towards us, this man was not my old enemy. His face, with its loose jowls, lacked the fierce austerity of Carus Wilson’s. Greetings ensued; he introduced himself as the Reverend Grimshaw, and I endured the unpleasant clamminess of his hand shaking my own. I let Ellen do the talking, and when the Reverend Grimshaw sat opposite us, he addressed himself to her.

“You do realize that this institution is for girls who lack the financial means to obtain an education?” He had, I noticed, limp iron-grey hair and a moist, unhealthy complexion; he smelled of sweat. He gave Ellen a fawning, apologetic smile, his mouth puffy and sensual. “I fear that it is not an appropriate establishment for a child from a family such as yours. The accommodations are very plain.”

“Oh, I quite understand,” Ellen replied. “My cousin is a distant relative whose parents are in unfortunate circumstances.” Her tone conjured up visions of an illegitimate child needing charity from affluent connections. “I am prepared to contribute towards her education.”

God bless Ellen for saying what I’d told her to say in the event that the Reverend Grimshaw should question our motives, and for occupying him while I sat sick and tongue-tied.

“Ah,” he said. “Well, then, perhaps you would like a tour of the school?”

“Yes, if it’s not too much trouble.” Ellen flashed me a covert, triumphant glance.

“No trouble at all.” The Reverend Grimshaw rubbed his hands together, as eager to get them on Ellen’s money as I suppose Carus Wilson had been to get the fees that my poor father had paid for his daughters’ schooling.

When he led us into the first classroom, a teacher was giving an arithmetic lesson to some twenty little girls. Our arrival halted the lesson; the girls stood. The sight of their wan faces and plain frocks reinforced my impression that I had returned to Cowan Bridge. Hollow coughs arose from their ranks, and a shudder passed through me: How well I remembered that sound of tubercular consumption wracking children’s lungs!

The Reverend Grimshaw bade the lesson resume. As he explained the school’s curriculum to Ellen, I noticed a girl who sat upon a high stool in a corner. She was slender, and her hair dark brown. A sign pinned to her frock bore the word SLATTERN. My chest constricted painfully, for the girl was the very image of my eldest sister. Maria had been a brilliant student, but untidy in her habits, and our teachers had punished her for them in the same manner as this girl. I was glad that Mr. Grimshaw led us out of the classroom before my emotions overcame me.

“We enforce strict discipline here,” he said. “It teaches the girls respect for authority.”

I choked back a bitter retort and endured the inspection of another class, where older pupils, some very pretty, labored on fine sewing. But the dormitory nearly shattered my self-control. Here stood rows of narrow beds covered by thin mattresses and ragged counterpanes. The bleak room, with its high ceiling, bare rafters, and but a single fireplace, would be terribly cold in winter, like the dormitory at Cowan Bridge. Every bed seemed occupied by the ghosts of Maria and Elizabeth, growing sicker until they were sent home to die.

“As you can see, we treat our pupils according to their social station,” the Reverend Grimshaw said to Ellen.