The blood coursing wildly through me blurred my vision of the place in which I found myself. I heard the voices of teachers lecturing and students reciting lessons. The frightening cacophony shrank my soul into a kernel of terror as a small, buxom, brassy-haired woman approached me.
The woman, Mrs. Grimshaw, introduced herself and scrutinized me with her sharp hazel eyes. Her figure was tightly corseted into a green paisley frock. The unnatural shade of her hair suggested henna dye. By her accent, she was clearly of common birth, pretending to a higher social station. “And you are?”
“Miss Emily Smith,” I whispered, remembering to give my false surname.
“What brings you ’ere?”
I stammered out my preconceived tale of having been a teacher at a distant school that had closed, leaving me with nowhere to go, as I had neither family nor friends. I thought Mrs. Grimshaw would surely notice that I lied, so unconvincing did I sound to myself. But she nodded and said, “What subjects did you teach?”
“Music,” I said.
She led me into a room with a piano. “Let me ’ear you play,” she ordered.
As I sat at the instrument, I felt all my terror of making a show of myself. For one panic-stricken moment, my mind could not recall a single bar of music. But somehow my hands played a hymn.
Either Mrs. Grimshaw didn’t notice my mistakes, or she cared not about them, for when I finished, she said, “You can begin giving lessons tomorrow.”
That I had gained a position at the school seemed more a grief than a triumph. A teacher named Miss Rathburn took me into the teachers’ residence, a low stone building divided into cells. Miss Rathburn is about forty years of age, willowy and tall; she has a queer habit of fondling her large bosom.
“You’ll share this room with me,” she said.
She then told me the hours for lessons, meals, prayer, and rest, but I scarcely listened. The tiny room appalled me; I could not bear to live in such close proximity with a stranger.
“Teachers have free run of the school,” Miss Rathburn said. “The only places off limits to everyone are the Grimshaws’ quarters and the old windmill.”
Then we went to supper. Some seventy girls occupied tables in the refectory, but they could have been hundreds, so loud were their shrill voices. I sat with the Reverend and Mrs. Grimshaw and the four other teachers. After the Reverend Grimshaw led a prayer, his wife introduced me to the school.
“Girls, this is Miss Smith, your new music teacher,” she said.
As I rose and all eyes fixed upon me, I almost fainted from embarrassment. When the meal commenced, every bite nauseated me. The teachers attempted to engage me in conversation, and I made brief, awkward replies. The girls glanced in my direction, whispering and giggling: Already I was an object of mockery, as I had been at other schools. At bedtime I lay awake while my chamber mate slept. Her breath filled the room; I heard the other teachers stirring in adjacent chambers. How I wept for the parsonage and the moors! In my sad state, how could I accomplish here what I had sworn to do?
At last I fell into exhausted slumber. I dreamed I was suffocating. I awoke to find myself screaming and thrashing and the other teachers gathered around me, staring in fright. They now treat me with the wary reserve accorded to people of questionable sanity, but my pupils display no such caution.
The leaders of the school are Abigail Weston and Jane Fell, both handsome, insolent girls of sixteen. They expend no effort at learning the piano, and when I correct their mistakes, they laugh at me. The other girls follow their example, but for one Frances Cullen. She is a plain, shy little thing, thirteen years old, the object of much teasing. With her I feel a sad kinship.
On my second evening at the school I craved solitude so much that I thought I would die of the need. I waited until everyone else was asleep, then slipped outside. It was a hot, windless night. A swollen moon spread a hazy glow over the school. Deep shadows cloaked the garden. Crickets chirped, and the perfume from flowers hung heavy in the air. I inhaled invigorating breaths of freedom as my beleaguered soul drew comfort from nature…
… until the Reverend Grimshaw emerged from his quarters. I hid behind an oak tree. He hurried past me and disappeared between the birches at the end of the garden. Jane Fell came out of the house and followed Grimshaw. The round stone tower of the windmill rose beyond the birches. Jane and the Reverend Grimshaw must have gone there, but what were they doing in that forbidden place? I wondered how Jane could roam about when all the other girls were locked in their rooms, and what business she had with the Reverend Grimshaw.
Perhaps their business concerned the matter I had come to investigate. I decided I must see what went on in the windmill, but then I heard the clatter of horses’ hooves and carriage wheels, nearing the school. Suddenly Mrs. Grimshaw appeared in the courtyard. Her sharp eyes glinted in the moonlight, surveying the school, as though in search of trespassers. Fearing she would discover me, I crept back to my bed, certain there is something amiss here.
The next day Jane Fell was vanished from the school. When I asked where she had gone, Miss Rathburn said she’d taken ill in the night and her parents had fetched her home. Yet I had seen her looking in perfect health, and I could not help but wonder if whatever happened to Jane has any connection to the life or death of Isabel White. And perhaps I shall soon find out.
That afternoon, Mrs. Grimshaw called me into her office. She asked me, “Does your work suit you?”
I replied that it did, and I thanked her for her charity.
Mrs. Grimshaw preened. “Many women ’ave reason to thank us,” she said. “An’ some expresses their gratitude with donations.” She showed me an envelope that contained ten pounds. “We’ve just got this from a former pupil.”
She carelessly dropped the envelope on her desk, then bustled from the room, leaving me behind. I had the peculiar feeling that she wanted to see if I would take advantage of the opportunity to steal the money. At first I had no wish to steal, and no doubt that I must prove my good character or be expelled. But my thinking suddenly altered. Under ordinary circumstances I should leave the money where it was and show my virtue; yet this was not an ordinary school, and I was no ordinary teacher. Divining that Mrs. Grimshaw wanted something other than virtue from me, I slipped the envelope into my pocket.
Fearful anticipation gnawed at me all day. Had I passed her test? What was to come? Then, after evening prayers, Mrs. Grimshaw appeared at my side. “May I ’ave a word with you, Miss Smith?”
We went again to her office, she severe, I cowed and cringing. “This afternoon I showed you some money,” Mrs. Grimshaw said. “It was there when I left the room.” She pointed at the desk. “Do you see it?”
“No, ma’am,” I whispered, quaking as would any thief who feared punishment. My fear was real; I didn’t need to pretend.
“Nor do I,” Mrs. Grimshaw said. Her eyes gleamed, and a cruel smile curved her moist, full lips. “Whatever could ’ave become of the ten pounds?”
“I don’t know,” I said, though guilt at the lie undermined my show of innocence.
“Oh, but I think you do know.” Mrs. Grimshaw prowled around me, her footsteps trapping me in a circle. “I left you alone in this room with the money. Now it’s missing. An’ you’re the only person besides me that’s been ’ere all day.” She halted like a cat ready to pounce. “Empty your pockets,” she ordered.
Quailing from the menace in her eyes, I obeyed. Out came the envelope of money.
“Aha!” Mrs. Grimshaw exclaimed, snatching it from my hand. “Wretched thief! After we’ve fed an’ sheltered you and given you employment, you betray our trust!” Righteous indignation swelled her countenance; yet I perceived that my guilt gratified her. “I should throw you out!”
“No, please, don’t!” I said in sudden panic, as I began to think I’d misjudged the situation and would lose my position at the school. How could I then discover facts that might save my family? “I’ve nowhere to go!”