All that was rational and moral in me rebelled against my own defense of Kuan; but alas, he had undermined that part of me. I couldn’t admit to Mr. Slade how far Kuan had swayed me towards his side; nor could I stifle my compulsion to make Mr. Slade understand Kuan’s point of view. “The actions of the British government have driven him mad. He’s not to blame,” I said, although I knew this was faulty reasoning. “In his mind, we, as a nation, have done far more wrong than he has. Were China to harm us, or England, in such a way, we should feel and react in kind. Can’t you see that?”
“I can see that Kuan is a criminal,” Mr. Slade said, adamant. “Whatever his justifications are, they don’t excuse murder. And the situation in the East is more complex than he has represented to you. It’s not for him to settle international disputes.”
I flared with anger at Mr. Slade for arguing with me, and at Kuan for suborning me; given that Kuan wasn’t there, my anger focused on Mr. Slade. At that moment I forgot I loved him; indeed, I almost hated him. He seemed a self-righteous brute. Some of my suspicion and disapproval of Kuan had transferred to Mr. Slade; some of my loyalty to Mr. Slade has transferred to Kuan.
“Are you so blindly certain of our goodness and his evil?” I demanded.
Mr. Slade’s response was a look of grave concern for me that extinguished my irrational temper. Now I felt sick that I had allowed Kuan to come between us. I sank in my chair while contradictory impulses battled inside me and Mr. Slade regarded me with caution. The emotion that prevailed was a desire to regain our comradeship.
“Please forgive me,” I said. “I didn’t mean to speak as I did. So many upsetting things have happened to me that I hardly know what I’m saying.”
“Yes, of course,” Slade said, although he seemed not quite convinced by my disclaimer. “Have you learned what Kuan is planning?”
“Not yet,” I said.
There ensued an awkward pause, during which Slade scrutinized me more closely than I liked. I could tell that he thought I was withholding information, and he was correct: Not one word about Kuan’s strange influence on me had I breathed. I sensed that Mr. Slade was wondering whether I would share with him Kuan’s plans if I knew them. Suddenly I wanted to flee him as much as I longed to stay with him.
“I must return to the house before Kuan misses me,” I said, rising.
Mr. Slade stood between me and the door. “I have a better idea. You stay here. I’ll fetch my comrades, and we’ll storm that house and capture Kuan.”
“No,” I said. “He sneaked into the house by a secret passage; when he hears you coming, he could slip right through your fingers. I have to go back. Don’t worry; I’ll be safe.”
“It’s not just your safety that concerns me.” Mr. Slade clearly sensed my divided loyalties.
“I’m all right,” I said. “I have to go. Otherwise we may never learn what Kuan intends.”
As much as I feared Kuan, I needed to show Mr. Slade that we were on the same side and that I would do my part. I edged around him towards the door, but he caught my hand and drew me to him. My heart began to pound with the fear that he would force me to tell him how I’d fallen under Kuan’s sway, and an equal fear of what can happen when a man and woman find themselves alone together. Slade touched my cheek; it burned in response. Our faces were so close that I could feel our breath mingle. As he bent his head towards me, how I yearned for the touch of his lips on mine!
A sudden disturbing thought quenched my desire. Was Mr. Slade trying to seduce me because he truly wanted me, or did he have another, less flattering purpose? Perhaps he knew that his command over me had weakened and he sought to ensure my obedience. Kuan had poisoned my relationship with Mr. Slade. Once I would have eagerly welcomed his kiss; now I turned my face away. Mr. Slade hesitated, then dropped my hand. I couldn’t look at him, so I know not whether his face showed hurt because I’d rejected him or vexation that his ploy had failed.
“Goodbye, then, Miss Bronte,” he said, cool and formal. “Take care.”
I fled the house in fear that I’d ruined the hopes I still cherished even while I distrusted Slade’s motives. Outside, the wind had risen; the fog receded towards the sea. Midnight must have come and gone; the houses were dark. The moon and stars glowed through shreds of mist in the black sky as I rushed through the town and along the road. I had an even stronger sense of being followed than before. I imagined I heard footsteps echoing mine, and someone else’s breaths. At last I reached the cove, where the sea’s thunder drowned all other sounds. I crept down the path towards the house. Lights shone in the windows, and I despaired: The searchers had returned home during my absence. Even if Kuan, Hitchman, and Nick didn’t know I wasn’t in my room, I dared not attempt to sneak past them. How I wished I hadn’t come back! Had I been thinking clearly, I would have encouraged Mr. Slade to raid the house. As I hesitated in the darkness some twenty paces from the house, a hand seized my wrist and pulled me into a stand of pines on a ledge overhanging the sea. I cried out in alarm.
“Miss Bronte, you be quiet, or I throw you in water,” T’ing-nan said.
His menacing voice, and my knowledge of his character, told me that his threat was in earnest. I said, “Where have you been?” His face was dirty and streaked with tears, his clothes disheveled. “Everyone’s been looking for you.”
“I try run away,” T’ing-nan said. Shivers and whimpers disrupted his breathing. “But no place to go.” He clutched at me. “You help me go back to China!”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” I said, amazed that he would think me willing or capable of such. “I’ve no money; I don’t even know how one goes about traveling to China.” Although I’d known how much he longed for his homeland, I hadn’t imagined him desperate enough for this. “Besides, your father would never approve.”
“Please!” T’ing-nan, all but a grown man, burst into hysterical sobs. “You must help. I have nobody else!”
Lights shone down the path. T’ing-nan and I froze silent. His eyes gleamed with panic in the sudden illumination. I have no doubt that mine did the same. We heard Hitchman say, “I heard voices over there.”
Rapid footsteps behind two moving lanterns approached us. T’ing-nan shrank into the trees and whispered urgently, “Please! No let them catch me!”
I had even more to fear than did T’ing-nan. As the light spilled over me, I was momentarily blinded; I then discerned Hitchman and Nick carrying the lanterns. They saw me; it was too late to evade them.
“Miss Bronte, what are you doing out here?” Hitchman demanded.
Two choices lay before me: I could help T’ing-nan hide and face questions I didn’t want to answer, or I could give him away in the hope that it would protect me. “I came outside for a breath of air,” I said. “I heard a noise, and I went to investigate. I’ve found T’ing-nan.”
I pointed at him. As Hitchman and Nick shone their lanterns on him, he looked wildly around him for escape. But they blocked the path, while behind him was a vertical drop to the roaring, foaming sea. T’ing-nan wept in despair. He let Nick lead him up the path, but as he went by me, he muttered, “Someday you be sorry. Someday I make you pay.”
Hitchman walked me to the house. “Well done, Miss Bronte. But in the future, obey orders.”
I thanked Heaven that he had believed my story. After he locked me in my room, I knelt and prayed to God to help me survive. I tried to sort out my confused feelings. Certainly I had allowed myself to feel too much sympathy towards Kuan. Now that I was away from Mr. Slade, I thought better of him, and I chastised myself for throwing away an opportunity that might not come again. I hoped I hadn’t alienated him forever. I hoped I would live long enough for us to reconcile.
There was a knock at the door. Hitchman appeared and said, “Kuan wants to see you.”
He escorted me to the attic chamber, where Kuan sat at his desk. A single lamp burned. His face above his dark clothing seemed to float in the dim room, like an Oriental god above an altar in a temple. The smell of incense completed the illusion. He dismissed Hitchman and invited me to sit.