"Quite what?"
"Quite attractive." He shook his head slightly, pulling himself out of the spell she had somehow cast over him. "You're quite attractive."
She let out a sigh. "Turner, please don't lie to spare my feelings. It shows a lack of respect for my intellect, and that is more insulting than anything you can say about my appearance."
He drew back and quirked a smile. "I'm not lying." He sounded surprised.
Miranda caught her lower lip nervously between her teeth. "Oh." She sounded just as surprised as he had. "Well, thank you, then. I think."
"I'm not usually so clumsy with compliments that they cannot be identified."
"I am sure you are not," she said tartly.
"Now why do I suddenly feel like you're accusing me of something?"
Her eyes widened. Had her tone been that cold? "I don't know what you're talking about," she said quickly.
For a moment it looked as if he might question her further, but then he must have decided against it, because he picked up the reins and offered her a bland smile as he said, "Shall we?"
They rode on for several minutes, Miranda stealing glances at Turner when she could. His expression was un-readable, placid even, and it was more than a bit irritating, when her own thoughts were in such a turmoil. He'd said he hadn't desired her, but then why had he kissed her? What had been the point? And then it just slipped out- "Why did you kiss me?"
For a moment it looked as if Turner were choking, although on what, Miranda could not imagine. The horses slowed a bit, sensing a lack of attention from their driver, and Turner looked at her with obvious shock.
Miranda saw his distress and decided that he couldn't find any kind way to answer her question. "Forget that I asked," she said quickly. "It doesn't matter."
But she didn't regret having asked. What had she to lose? He wasn't going to mock her and he wasn't going to spread tales. She had only the embarrassment of this one moment, and that could never compare with the embarrassment of the night before, so-
"It was me," he said quite suddenly. "Just me. And you were unfortunate enough to be standing next to me."
Miranda saw the bleakness in his blue eyes and placed her hand on his sleeve. "It's all right to be angry with her."
He did not pretend not to know what she was talking about. "She's dead, Miranda."
"That doesn't mean she wasn't an exceptionally awful person when she was alive."
He looked at her strangely and then burst out laughing. "Oh, Miranda, sometimes you say the damnedest things."
She smiled. "Now that I will definitely take as a compliment."
"Remind me never to put you up for the position of Sunday school teacher."
"I have never quite mastered Christian virtue, I'm afraid."
"Oh, really?" He looked amused.
"I still hold a grudge against poor little Fiona Bennet."
"And she is…?"
"That dreadful girl who called me ugly at Olivia and Winston's eleventh birthday party."
"Dear God, how many years ago was that? Remind me not to cross you."
She quirked a brow. "See that you don't."
"You, my dear girl, are decidedly lacking as pertains to charitable nature."
She shrugged, marveling at how he'd managed to make her feel so carefree and happy in such a short time. "Don't tell your mother. She thinks me a saint."
"Compared to Olivia, I'm sure you are."
Miranda wagged her finger at him. "Nothing bad about Olivia, if you please. I'm quite devoted to her."
"Faithful as a hound you are, if you'll excuse my less than attractive simile."
"I adore hounds."
And it was then that they arrived at Miranda's home.
I adore hounds. That would be her final comment. Wonderful. For the rest of his life, he would associate her with dogs.
Turner helped her down and then glanced up at the sky, which had begun to darken. "I hope you don't mind if I do not walk you in," he murmured.
"Of course not," Miranda said. She was a practical girl. It was silly for him to get wet when she was perfectly able to let herself into her own home.
"Good luck," he said, hopping back up into his curricle.
"With what?"
"London, life." He shrugged. "Whatever you wish."
She smiled ruefully. If he only knew.
19 May 1819
We arrived in London today. I swear I have never seen the like of it. It is big and noisy and crowded and actually rather smelly.
Lady Rudland says we are late. Many people are already in town, and the season began over a month ago. But there was nothing to be done- Livvy would have looked dreadfully ill-bred to be out and about when she is meant to be mourning Leticia. As it is, we cheated a bit and came early, although only for fittings and preparations. We may not attend events until the mourning is complete.
Thank heavens only six weeks were required. Poor Turner must do a year.
I have quite forgiven him, I'm afraid. I know I should not, but I cannot bring myself to despise him. Surely I must hold some kind of record for the longest stint of unrequited love.
I am pathetic.
I am a hound.
I am a pathetic hound.
And I waste paper quite dreadfully.
Chapter 4
Turner had planned to spend the spring and summer in Northumberland, where he could decline to mourn his wife with some degree of privacy, but his mother had employed an astonishing number of tactics- the most lethal being guilt, of course- to force his hand and compel him to come down to London in support of Olivia.
He had not given in when she had pointed out that he was a leader in society and thus his presence at Olivia's ball would ensure attendance by all the best young gentlemen.
He had not given in when she had said that he shouldn't molder away in the country, and it would do him good to be out and about among friends.
He had, however, given in when she had appeared on his doorstep and said, without even the benefit of a salutation, "She's your sister."
And so here he was, at Rudland House in London, surrounded by five hundred of, if not the country's finest, at least its most pompous.
Still, Olivia was going to have to find a husband from among this lot, Miranda, too, and Turner was bloody well not going to allow either one of them to make a match as disastrous as his own had been. London was teeming with male equivalents to Leticia, most of whom began their names with Lord This or Sir That. And Turner quite doubted that his mother would be privy to the more salacious of the gossip that ran through their circles.
Still, it didn't mean that he would be required to make too many appearances. He was here, at their debut ball, and he'd squire them about now and then, perhaps if there was something at the theater he actually cared to see, and beyond that, he'd monitor their progress from behind the scenes. By the end of summer, he'd be done with all this nonsense, and he could go back to-
Well, he could go back to whatever it was he'd been thinking about planning to do. Study crop rotation, perhaps. Take up archery. Visit the local public house. He rather liked their ale. And no one ever asked questions about the recently departed Lady Turner.
"Darling, you're here!" His mother suddenly filled his vision, lovely in her purple gown.
"I told you I would make it in time," he replied, finishing off the glass of champagne he'd been holding in his hand. "Weren't you alerted to my arrival?"
"No," she replied, somewhat distractedly. "I have been running about like a madwoman with all the last-moment details. I'm sure the servants did not wish to bother me."
"Or they could not find you," Turner remarked, idly scanning the crowd. It was a mad crush- a success by any measure. He did not see either of the guests of honor, but then again, he'd been quite content to remain in the shadows for the twenty minutes or so he'd been present.