They had another civilized meeting at about seven o’clock, but when my mother disclosed that she was leaving for Sheffield with Mr Lucas my father became uncivilized and started fighting. Mr Lucas ran into the garden but my father rugby-tackled him by the laurel bush and the fight broke out again. It was quite exciting really. I had a good view from my bedroom window.
Mrs O’Leary said, ‘Tis the child I feel sorry for’, and all the people looked up and saw me, so I looked especially sad. I expect the experience will give me a trauma at some stage in the future. I’m all right at the moment, but you never know.
My mother has gone to Sheffield with Mr Lucas. She had to drive because Mr Lucas couldn’t see out of his black eyes. I have informed the school secretary of my mother’s desertion. She was very kind and gave me a form to give to my father; it is for free school dinners. We are now a single-parent family.
Nigel has asked Barry Kent to stop menacing me for a few weeks. Barry Kent said he would think about it.
Spring 1981
All Fools’ Day
Nigel rang up this morning and pretended he was an undertaker and asked when he was to pick up the body. My father answered the phone. Honestly! He has got no sense of humour.
I had a good laugh telling girls that their petticoats were showing when they weren’t. Barry Kent brought a packet of itching powder into the Art lesson, he put some down Ms Fossington-Gore’s flying boots. She is another one without any sense of humour. Barry Kent put some down my back. It wasn’t funny. I had to go to the matron and have it removed.
The house is looking extremely squalid because my father is not doing any housework. The dog is pining for my mother.
I was born exactly thirteen years and three hundred and sixty-four days ago.
I am fourteen today! Got a track suit and a football from my father. (He is completely insensitive to my needs.) A Boy’s Bookof Carpentry from my grandma Mole. (No comment.) One pound inside a card from my grandad Sugden. (Last of the big spenders.) Best of all was ten pounds from my mother and five pounds from Mr Lucas. (Conscience money.)
Nigel sent a joke card; it said on the front, ‘Who’s sexy, charming, intelligent and handsome?’ Inside it said, ‘Well it certainly ain’t you buddy!!!’ Nigel wrote ‘No offence mate’. He put ten pence inside the envelope.
Bert Baxter sent a card to the school because he doesn’t know where I live. His handwriting is dead good, I think it is called ‘brass plate’. His card had a picture of an alsatian on the front. Inside Bert had written, ‘Best wishes from Bert and Sabre. P.S. Drain blocked up’. Inside the card there was a book token for ten shillings. It expired in December 1958, but it was a kind thought.
So at last I am fourteen! Had a good look at myself in the mirror tonight and I think I can detect a certain maturity. (Apart from the rotten spots.)
Got full marks in the Geography test today. Yes! I am proud to report that I got twerjty out of twenty! I was also complimented on the neat presentation of my work. There is nothing I don’t know about the Norwegian leather industry. Barry Kent seems to take delight in being ignorant. When Miss Elf asked him where Norway was in relation to Britain he said, ‘First cousin twice removed’. It hurts me to relate that even Pandora laughed with the rest of the class. Only Miss Elf and I remained composed. Unblocked Bert Baxter’s drain, it was full of old bones and tea leaves. I told Bert that he really ought to use tea-bags. After all this is the twentieth century! Bert said that he would give them a try. I told him that my mother has run away with an insurance man, he said ‘Was it an Act of God?’ Then he laughed until his eyes watered.
New Moon
Me and my father cleaned the house up today. We had no choice: my grandma is coming for tea tomorrow. We went to Sainsbury’s in the afternoon. My father chose a trolley that was impossible to steer. It also squeaked as if somebody was torturing mice. I was ashamed to be heard with it. My father chose food that is bad for you. I had to put my foot down andinsist that he bought some fresh fruit and salad. When we got to the check-out he couldn’t find his banker’s card, the cashier wouldn’t take a cheque without it, so the supervisor had to come and stop the argument. I had to lend my father some of my birthday money. So he owes me eight pounds thirty-eight and a half pence. I made him write an IOU on the back of the till roll.
But I must say that I take my hat off to Sainsbury’s, they seem to attract a better class of person. I saw a vicar choosing toilet paper; he chose a four-roll pack of purple three-ply. He must have money to burn! He could have bought some shiny white and given the difference to the poor. What a hypocrite!
Passion Sunday
Nigel came round this morning. He is still mad about Pandora. I tried to take his mind off her by talking about the Norwegian leather industry but he couldn’t get interested somehow.
I made my father get up at 1 PM. I don’t see why he should lie stinking in bed all day when I am up and about. He got up and went outside to clean the car. He found one of my mother’s earrings down the side of the back seat and he just sat there staring at it. He said, ‘Adrian, do you miss your mother?’ I replied, ‘Of course I do, but life must go on’. He then said, ‘I don’t see why’. I took this to mean that he was suicidal, so I immediately went upstairs and removed anything harmful from the bathroom.
After we had eaten our frozen roast-beef dinner and I was washing up, he shouted from the bathroom for his razor. I lied and shouted back that I didn’t know where it was. I then removed every knife and sharp instrument from the kitchen drawer. He tried to get his battery razor to work but the batteries had leaked and gone all green.
I like to think I am broad-minded but the language my father used was beyond the pale, and all because he couldn’t have a shave! Tea was a bit of a drag. My grandma kept saying horrible things about my mother and my father kept rambling on about how much he missed her. Nobody even noticed I was in the room! The dog got more attention than me!
My grandma told my father off for growing a beard. She said, ‘You may think it amusing to look like a communist, George, but I don’t’. She said that even in the trenches at Ypres my grandad had shaved every day. Sometimes he had to stop rats from eating his shaving soap. She said that my grandad was even shaved by the undertaker when lying in his coffin, so if the dead could shave there was no excuse for the living. My father tried to explain, but grandma didn’t stop talking once so it was a bit difficult.
We were both glad when she went home.
Looked at Big and Bouncy. It is Passion Sunday after all!
Had a postcard from my mother. It said ‘they’ were staying with friends until they found a flat. She said I could go and stay for a weekend when they were fixed up. I didn’t show it to my father.