And then Kate laughed, and Dorothy next, then the others; I was glad of it and joined in, feeling truly welcome and among my own for the first time in my life.
Later that afternoon Kate sat writing letters, and when she was done, she handed one to Lady Margaret Neville, whom I knew she considered her daughter though she were born of Lord Latimer and his first wife. “Please deliver this to Sir Thomas,” she said. Margaret dipped a short curtsey and took her leave.
Dorothy put the books away and I cleared Kate’s desk. As I did, next to the draft of the book she was writing, I saw a piece of letter parchment that she had discarded after blotting it with ink. Upon it she’d written,
God withstood my will therein most vehemently for a time. Through His grace and goodness, He made that possible which seemed to me impossible: that was, made me renounce utterly mine own will and to follow His most willingly. It were too long to write all the process of this matter. If I live, I shall declare it to you myself. But I will marry the king.
I looked up to find her standing over my shoulder and grew red with shame. “I am heartily sorry.”
“For reading my private correspondence or for the decision I’ve made?”
“Both, lady, as I have great love for you and wish only joy for you and not the great calamity I fear, and feel, lies ahead,” I pled. I had not had a prophetic vision that warned of this, and yet that spiritual sense inside me reverberated.
She took the paper from me and then took my cold hands in her own warm ones and led me to some nearby chairs. “Come, dear heart.”
Unexpectedly, tears filled my eyes. My own mother had never referred to me with such a term of endearment, and I had never heard Kate use one with any save Margaret Neville. Until that moment I had not realized that I so long craved that kind of affection and love, as a deer pants for water.
“It was not my desire, as you are well aware, to set Sir Thomas aside and marry the king. And yet as I have written to Sir Thomas, our Lord has overcome my will with His own. It became clear to me after the new laws that the realm is going in the wrong direction, perfectly backward to the gains that have been made. And, of course, the prince’s tutors are likely to influence his thoughts upon the reform, and the direction the realm will take whilst in his care, so their continuing sympathetic selection is imperative. As is a mother’s love. I feel a call to persuade in the way only a wife can, the most intimate of influences. Queen Anne Boleyn herself strongly influenced the beginning of reform thusly.”
“I beg your pardon, my lady.” I knelt before her, having felt that same mother’s love from her and not wanting to lose it, for her sake, and for mine. Fear rose at the mention of the name of beheaded Queen Anne. “But that queen did not meet with a seemly end in spite of the king’s deep affections for her.”
If I live, Kate had written to Sir Thomas. She well knew the risks. I was not entirely sure I wished for her to marry Sir Thomas either, as his presence in my vision still unsettled me. But the risks of Sir Thomas were nothing when compared with the risks of marrying His Majesty.
And yet, did she truly have the choice to reject the king?
“You’ve heard how soft a tone the king uses with me,” Kate continued. “And the king has his son, Prince Edward, now; ’twas lack of a son more than forthright speech that undid Queen Anne.”
“Perhaps you shall give the king another son.” That alone would have saved Queen Anne; perhaps that would save Kate. Since she was set upon this course, I reached to whatever comfort I could offer her and myself, though it was a weak tonic.
Kate’s eyes misted over. “There is nothing so desirous within me as to bear a child of my own. I pray that God will bring it to pass, but I doubt that it will, because I have twice married with no quickening of child.” She took my hand and lifted me off of the floor. “You, Mistress St. John, shall stay on in my household as a maid of honor, if your mother wills it.”
“Oh, she shall!” I exclaimed. “I mean, I hope she will agree.”
Kate laughed with me.
“What does a maid of honor do, lady?”
“She helps, like all the queen’s other ladies, as you have been doing, except my household will become much bigger and have many more responsibilities. Gowning and ungowning when the ladies require assistance, assisting with the care of all the wardrobe and jewels, fetching physics and other things as I require in my pursuit to be useful. Maids of honor provide companionship as well as partnering at cards and dance, delivering or fetching messages for me, and reading—for which you are specially well suited. My ladies in waiting will pack and unpack as we travel and you can assist. And,” she finished, “the queen’s ladies of all rank are to be her friends and her protectors, because court is a treacherous and cunning place.”
I nodded. “Thank you, my lady. I shall endeavor to be useful in all I do.” As I said it, a certain peace and heaviness quickened within me, a certainty that this promise to her, so readily spoken, would be bigger, fuller, harder and would require more than I could yet imagine. My prophecies, those seen and yet unseen, and perhaps my very life would be demanded. The arc of her life was somehow, now, fused with mine.
As I gazed upon her face and basked in her unwavering affection, I knew that whatever was required of me I would do.
Kate smiled. “That is an excellent motto, Juliana, to be useful in all I do. I shall adopt it for one of my own. It rings of your earlier reading today, does it not, to not grow weary of well-doing?”
I delightedly made my way back to my chamber, restraining myself from childishly skipping down the elegant hallway. I rather fancied being a maid of honor!
Within the week the king sent Sir Thomas Seymour to the Netherlands for an extended diplomatic discussion. I was not privy to their good-byes, but I know Kate mourned deeply from the sleeplessness her face revealed, which we powdered over, and the sighs she could not withhold.
Soon thereafter, just four months after my Lord Latimer’s passing, the king gathered together a few dozen of those most important in the realm to Hampton Court Palace for the wedding. Straddling one bank of the river Thames, the palace was hugged with lush green lawns of July and trees that were heavy with leaves. The king’s gardeners ensured that flowers thrived, and the best and brightest of them bloomed as if at royal command under the welcomed English sun.
Two dozen men were there to support the king, as well as some of Kate’s family and friends. Thomas Seymour’s brother Edward was there, though of course Thomas was not. Henry was fond of them both, as uncles to his son and brothers to his beloved wife Jane, who’d died afore Henry had a chance to grow tired of her. But Henry had sniffed out Thomas’s interest in Kate and sent him away.
I accompanied all of Kate’s ladies to the Queen’s Closet, which was next to the royal chapel, but did not remain in the exalted company of attendants. The closet was small. Kate, I knew, was hesitant. Although Cranmer had issued the license, Bishop Gardiner, who all knew yearned for the church in England to return to Rome, would preside over the marriage ceremonies.
“Does Bishop Gardiner know of your sympathies?” Lady Seymour had asked her once when there had been but few of us in her chamber.
“Nay,” she’d said. “My Lord Latimer was a faithful Catholic till the day he died. Gardiner likely assumes the same of me. When he finds out I am not, he shall become my enemy.”
“It seems to me that the king oft plays divide and conquer with his churchmen,” I’d said. “Mayhap to keep them off balance.”
Kate dropped her brush and looked around the room before speaking sharply to me. “You must become temperate in your speech, mistress, and learn when to hold your tongue. The time for naive girlhood is over. Now.”