• Lesson 3: Always remain loyal.
• Lesson 4: Maintain a positive outlook.
• Lesson 5: Never underestimate the power of words.
• Lesson 6: A true friend respects your values.
CHAPTER
7
Go Where You’re Celebrated Not Tolerated
“If you associate yourself with Eagles you will learn to soar to great heights.” - Unknown
I think I made it quite obvious why it is so important to surround yourself with the right people. Your destiny and your dynasty is determined or demolished by those closest to you. Now that we have established the need for you to take a thorough look at those you have selected in your Fave Five or your inner circle, it’s time to look at the next step toward your success—your environment. Here is the question you need to ask yourself before you enter any environment, “Is this soil the ideal environment for the type of harvest I am expecting to gain?” When I was a young man, my mother had a garden that I was equally responsible for. My mother taught me several things that I needed to take into consideration before planting my seed in just any dirt. First, I needed to examine the dirt. I needed to be certain to identify the best soil type for the growth of my seed. Next, I needed to select dirt that was disease free and that contained enough nutrients to feed the seed. Those who want success should think like a planter. They should understand that having the right seed is an essential key to success, but they must also understand that the soil that they entrust to the seed is just as vital. Those who understand this concept realize that the operative word for planting is not growth—growth can and will happen in most environments. The operative word is type! In the initial season, the success seeker is not anticipating growth; instead, he should search for the proper environment for growth to take place. Can you honestly say the environment(s) you are in will yield the kind of harvest you are expecting? If not, then you might want to get in position to reposition yourself.
That’s what I did over twenty years ago. I repositioned myself. One day Bob came to me and said he was going to give me an opportunity of a lifetime. He said it was only under one condition; I had to be ready to get ready. Although it was a great offer, he said he wouldn’t make the proposition if I wasn’t ready for it. It took me about two months to clear my head and finally make the decision to take Bob up on his offer. He offered me the opportunity to come and visit the environment that made him the person he was, his church.
I thought changing my circle of influence had improved my life. Then I was exposed to the environment that made Bob into the person he was. The crazy thing is that my growth had nothing to do with the church itself. My growth was connected to the environment the church produced. The church was only a tiny little storefront church on Puritan and Ward with less than 100 members, but sometimes looks can be deceiving; bigger is not necessarily better. The Detroit Center Church created the type of environment that could reform the most rebellious, immature, and misguided young person in the entire world. I know what you are thinking. How soon can I pack my bags, turn in my two weeks notice and relocate to the West Side of Detroit? There is no need to go to such drastic measures. I am going to share the top 4 methods the Detroit Center Church used to help reform my life and prepare me for greatness.
Principle 8: The right environment is pivotal to your success; embrace environments that positively contribute to your growth.
It hurts just thinking about that Final Four game. It was the NCAA road to the Final Four. Sixty-four teams entered the tournament and somehow they managed to survive and compete for the National Title. It was a nail biting experience, and with less than 13 seconds on the clock they were in striking distance. My team’s opponent missed the free throw, the ball hit the back of the rim and my team got the rebound and headed down the court. Once they passed half court the forward dribbled the ball in the corner to set up a play and got double-teamed. With no play open and no help on the backside his instincts kicked in and he called a timeout. As he called the timeout, he realized there were no timeouts left. The ref called a technical foul and with less than 13 seconds on the clock, the other team went to the free throw line to shoot two free throws and won the game. The Fab Five stood on the court in shock as they suffered their second defeat 77 to 71 in the 1993 NCAA finals. I could see the look of disappointment on the face of Chris Weber as he walked off the court. I have never had the privilege of personally meeting Weber, Jalen Rose (whom I named my son after), or any the other members of the Fab Five, but trust me when I say I can relate to the pain Weber felt when falling short of his goal when it was only a few inches away.
Years before Weber ever stepped on the court, I was given a golden opportunity. It was the fall of 1987, on the west side of Detroit. It began like any other random church service. There were a ton of preliminaries, an A and B selection from the choir, and the pastor spoke. Everything was copasetic until the end of his message. I swear he started staring and preaching directly at me as if there were no other members in the church.
“The Lord admonishes us to forgive our debtors as He has forgiven us of our debts. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but it is a command. God is not offering you a pardon, a stay or a pass when it comes to forgiveness.”, he pressed. “We must all be willing, as He has been, to forgive our neighbors. Regardless of the pain we have suffered at the hands of our enemy, no matter the offense, we must free ourselves.”
He stated with a convicting voice, “I know first- hand what it’s like to have an opportunity, to be so close to getting over the hump, but somehow falling short right at the end.” I was listening attentively when the pastor got to the part about forgiveness—the part about freeing your enemy so you could free yourself. The way he said it struck a nerve. Forgiveness was so far in the back of my mind, and so was that incident. I hadn’t thought about the incident since I left. But when he said, “In order to hold someone down, you must stay down with them.” That one statement alone knocked the wind out of me. Was he suggesting that my success was somehow connected to my willingness to surrender my anger and forgive her for what she did to me?
“I am going to count down from 10 and give you an opportunity to come to the altar and respond to this appeal. And more importantly, I am giving you an opportunity to do more than forgive your enemies. I am giving you an opportunity to get your life back. By setting your enemies free, you unconsciously free yourself.” I am sure no one sitting beside me could see the all out brawl, the internal war that was happening inside of me. On one hand, I wanted to put it past me so I could move on with the rest of my life, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to just let her off the hook that easy. She put me through too much pain for me to just forgive her and move on. But I kept thinking to myself, “Here is your opportunity, your chance to get that monkey off your back. All you have to do is go up there and get it off your chest.” Just as I was about to stand up and do it, I heard a voice say, “Think about it, she hasn’t forgiven you for what you’ve done. She never even accepted responsibility for her actions. Don’t humiliate yourself.” All of a sudden, I jumped on my feet, and started walking past the individuals sitting next to me in the pews. Once I made it to the aisle, I looked at the pastor and his eyes met mine. The eye contact only lasted a split second, but it felt like hours. I turned toward the exit and ran out of the front door and on to Puritan Avenue. Bent over and clutching my knees, gasping for air with sweat dripping from every pore, I began to relive the entire event over in my head as if it were happening for the first time. I grew ten feet because of that one sermon.