If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you always gotten. There will never be a perfect time or perfect situation in our life to do something we should have done a long time ago. At some point we have to stop making excuses and like Nike…Just do it.
The dare De confronted me with wasn’t the first. Like I said before, when you grow up in the hood, “I dare you” is an everyday expression. However, De’s dare was a different kind of beast. Accepting the challenge meant more than running up to another black male and blindsiding him, or stepping to a female and randomly asking her for her number. This dare would require more than a few minutes of my time and some random act of foolishness…no, this dare would require that I make some serious changes.
This is where most people drown, quit the race, and abandon their dreams. This is where the rubber meets the road. It is the point where the boys and the men are separated.
In retrospect, it made sense why she started the whole conversation with, “Eric, do you love me?” “Of course I love you boo.” “Then why won’t you get serious about our future together?” In the short time we dated, she came to know a few things about me. One, I had absolutely no interest in school. Two, she knew it would be hard pressed for me to up and leave Bob, and she also knew it was going to be equally challenging for me to walk away from the block. She also knew that the church had a major impact on changing my life, but somehow it did not have the power to penetrate all aspects of my life. Her last chance of convincing me to take school serious was to use her influence on me.
I played it off as if I wasn’t fazed, but her words hit home. I knew De cared for me, but to hear her say to my face how much I meant to her blew me away. And I knew how much I loved her, and I was willing to do whatever it took to prove my love. Wanting to prove my love and actually passing the G.E.D. were two different things. Talk is cheap; actually walking the walk requires Blood, Sweat and Tears. If I passed the test, I could leave the D, start all over again, and take my relationship with De to another level.
I will be your Motivation.
In some cases, Success is less about hard work, resources, and skill, and more about motivation. Sometimes you have to find the right incentives that push you and drive you before you can reach your dreams.
By the time I was 18 I had screwed up so much that I started doubting myself and started believing all the venom people were spiting. The worst part was that it seemed like my mother was one of my biggest haters. She was so disappointed in my previous actions that she did not even get excited when I told her I was going to college. I guess I cried wolf one too many times for her to believe that this one was legitimate. I think she cut me off emotionally when I was about 14, because I remember her smacking me in my face and screaming, “You are going to be just like your father!” That was the first time I had ever heard her mention his name. Well, she did not actually say his name, but I knew exactly to whom she was referring. Even though she did not explain what she meant by, “You are going to be just like your daddy,” I knew it was not meant as a compliment.
Then there was De De’s mother, Glenda. Her hatred for me was unparalleled! In her eyes I was another thug with no future and nothing but trouble for her little princess... I wasn’t mad at them though, they were entitled to their opinion, but I was on a mission to prove my mother, her mother, and the rest of my haters wrong.
No teacher, counselor, not even my parents could get me to see the value of school. Somehow De was the only one who could convince me that school was my ticket out of Detroit. Even though I was afraid I would fail and I was petrified of going to college and leaving the D, I was not going to let that stop me from keeping my word to De. I promised her that when she started school in the fall, she would not be there alone. We were going to school together and if I had it my way, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
When you make a decision to change, the Universe will do all in its power to make sure you have everything you need to make that change. All you have to do is be cooperative.
One evening at Wednesday night prayer service I made a deal with God. I was not sure if that was an appropriate thing to do, but I was desperate. I told God if he blessed my living situation, I would do whatever He asked me to do. No sooner than church ended, Brother and Sister Cannonier called me to the side. I was petrified, “What did I do this time?” I was so accustomed to getting in trouble that whenever an adult called my name, I knew it wasn’t good. “We understand you are studying for your G.E.D. and you are planning to go to college,” Sis Cannonier inquired. “Yes ma’am, those are my plans.” “We have a proposal for you,” Brother Cannonier chimed in. “We will allow you to move in with our family under one condition—by the end of August you have to move.” They hoped by then I would be packed and ready to go to college. They made it very clear, “our home is your home as long as you are studying for your G.E.D. and pursuing college.” Brother and Sister Cannonier, like the majority of the church family, had a passion for youth. I later discovered that Sister Cannoier was from Trinidad and Brother Cannonier was from Tobago, a small island off the Atlantic Coast and like most underprivileged nations, opportunities for prosperity are scarce. They constantly reminded me of the opportunity I had as an American and how I need not take it for granted.
They did not just talk about it; they lived it. I watched them both rise early in the morning and start the day off with Worship. The house rule was that anyone who stayed the night also rose for worship. It was crazy being exposed to the West Indian grind. Sister Cannonier woke up every morning and made fresh biscuits from scratch. After she cooked, she got dressed and headed to Murray Wright High School to put in eight hours as a math teacher. Brother Cannonier was a carpenter by trade, but he had about three jobs. I am not sure which one he went to first thing in the morning, but I knew for sure he was working on one of his properties at night. He’d come home for dinner and worship then spend some time with the family before heading back out the door to work on the rental property or the church.
I was exposed to a great deal in the short time I lived with them and as a result, I learned a great deal. Of the many values I learned from the Cannoniers, the one that stuck most was the non-negotiable family worship session every morning and evening. I am not sure if their sons, Sammy and Shane, were feeling family worship, but Brother and Sister Cannonier were committed to it. They also were committed to happiness. I’m not saying they didn’t have their challenges, but I saw first -hand how their faith allowed them to deal with and enjoy life in a way that was special. Hard work was another value I was exposed to. I grew up in a working class environment. I saw my parents and most of the neighbors get up in the morning and go to work, but this was a different type of work. The Cannonier’s were from the West Indies, so work was a major part of their cultural beliefs. They literally gave up everything and came to the United States to create a better life for their family. Thankfully, that work ethic eventually rubbed off on me.
Principle 12: You need your undivided attention.
Whenever you decide to change your life for the better, just know it won’t be a simple process. There will be a number of distractions enticing you to go back to your past ways.
“E, let me holla at you fam,” Lil B called out. It must have been around 2 o’clock in the morning. I assumed Lil B wanted to talk about the beat down we just put on these church boys. It was something like a showdown from an old western. It started about a year ago and climaxed that night at a church basketball game. Bob, Desrick, and I were walking up a dirt road chillin’ at camp meeting when we heard bass booming from a car. By the time we turned around we saw about four cats in a sports car swiftly approaching us. Instead of moving to the side and letting them pass through, I noticed B stop abruptly in the middle of the road and had this look like, I am not moving and you better slow down and go around me or something real is going to pop off up in here. Desreck and I were going to get out of the middle of the road until we noticed that B had not moved. At that point, we had to just follow B’s lead. “Get out of the street before you get ran over,” one of the passengers yelled. B did not blink and he did not say a word. Being out numbered was nothing new for us. In the city we would stare another brother down in a minute and dare them to fight because our crew was so massive. Plus, B’s older brother Bill was there and Bill Blast was into that ultimate fighting stuff and known for giving out beat downs. Because we were outnumbered, they confidently jumped out the car to see if we would back down. After about 15 minutes of going back and forth, B said something about his older brother that was enough to shut the arguing down. Apparently, they attended the same school with his older brother and knew he had a reputation of laying cats out. As we were walking away, B let one of them know it was not over and that they better watch their backs and get ready for a serious beat down when we got back to Detroit. B kept his word. Before the fight at the game a few of us decided to go to a major church collaboration and we kind of figured they were not going to come on our side of town (the west side), but we were wrong. On my way to the restroom I noticed about three of them walking toward me, so I did a serious 180 degree rotation and ran back to the balcony and warned the guys. By the time we exited the church and dashed to the parking lot and back to the ride, they were on our trail quickly. Goodloe told us to start the car, pop the trunk, and meet him at the spot. I figured it did not take all of us to start the car, so I stayed with Loe. He was about 6 feet 4 or 5 with a long reach. As soon as the fight reached us, Loe dropped the boulders. The first dude fell back. The second one ran up on Loe and Loe landed a serious blow to his jaw that buckled him like Thomas “The Hitman” Hearns against Sugar Ray Leonard. We hopped in the ride and headed back to the Twain to holler at the rest of the crew about the near beat down and figure out how and when we were going to deal with them. B suggested we wait and surprise them. He told us they played in the church basketball league and specifically, they played against their team twice during the season and we could bum rush them in the middle of the game. B got almost everybody to commit, Sweetdaddy, BoBo, Raymond, Tank, Jr., Loe, Bill, Bob, Lil B, Descrick and without thinking I said, “I’m in.” It rolled off my tongued like rain rolls off a window seal. Somehow I was in the moment and I forgot all about De and college. In that moment I felt trapped, like there was no way out. On the one hand, I wanted to sit this one out. I was a few months away from getting out of the hood and spending the next four years with my girl without her mother all in our business. On the other hand, I wanted to show my loyalty to my homies. This was my moment to show the homies my appreciation for having my back and practically raising me as far as the street game was concerned. I felt like I did not have a choice, I needed to hop in the ride and represent. One night, one ride, could change the rest of my life for the rest of my life. I guess that’s why I was so grateful when Lil B called my name that night. It meant we all made it back to the block alive without anyone getting hurt or put in a bag. Plus, we made it off the premises before the police made it to the game. “E, you still headed down south for school with De in the fall?” Lil B said like a concerned parent. “No doubt,” I said without being cocky but with a proud feeling. Lil B’s next words shocked me because I assumed he wanted to talk about how I got down that night. “Then you need to get outta here. You are not like the rest of us, you got a chance so don’t mess it up. You have an opportunity the rest of us don’t’ have. Get out while you are alive. I am proud of you boy, now go make the Twain proud.” As I walked off the block for the last time, I turned to B and said, “I promise, college won’t change me homie.” I walked away from the Twain that day and I never looked back.